Exhale.
I am very proud of myself for the person I've become, especially when I consider the person I felt I was a year or two ago, when I thought all of my hope had rolled out with the tides. I am stronger, wiser and more understanding than I probably ever have been; I see at twenty-three that the greatest gift my mother passed on to me was my survival instinct. I've sat miserably at a job where I've often felt under appreciated and disrespected. I felt the wick reach the wax and as I knew I was about to burn out, I told them I had to move on... So that's what I'm doing; I'm making a very necessary change. I cannot wear out. Not yet. Not sure what the change is--I'm sure it won't be a glamorous one considering the times--but it will be change.
As for the rest, not much change, aside from more friends leaving. Jenn, one of my closest friends since childhood, is moving to Massachusetts with her boyfriend. I've said it once and I'll say it again: I never thought I would be the last to leave this place.
The Other Boy and I have settled into our comfortable and virtually sexless (adult) relationship. Almost four years. Who would have thought? We went from young, passionate fools who spent half of their time breaking each others hearts and the other half making love, to more subdued, companions. We complain about our jobs over dinner, smoke shisha and watch stand-up comedy in bed, because we're too tired to go out. We never talk about the future--because frankly--neither one of us knows where or how we'll end up, but yet there's this comfort each takes in the other. For the past four years, we've fought all of our wars together as partners in battle; soldiers in the same ditch. Both virtual only children who don't understand their families and often feel let down by friends, the glue that has bound us has been our loyalty to one another. We don't always see eye to eye and we've had our share of ups and downs, but we always know that neither of us will ever abandon the other. I believe that's what friendship really is: assurance in someones presence, assurance in that they will be there. No matter the nature of the relationship or how it evolves, you have to believe that that person is part of your life, part of you, part of your story. It makes you less scared about the future. No one should ever have to go into the battlefield alone.... I wish I didn't take it to heart when people don't have the same attitude towards friendship that I have. Perhaps it is my own fault for expecting something that not all people are capable of doing... I've seen people go into the battlefield alone. None of those people make it out alive.
Boy, you continue to mess up, continue to change... Who will we be when that day comes? If that day ever comes, God willing.
As for the rest, not much change, aside from more friends leaving. Jenn, one of my closest friends since childhood, is moving to Massachusetts with her boyfriend. I've said it once and I'll say it again: I never thought I would be the last to leave this place.
The Other Boy and I have settled into our comfortable and virtually sexless (adult) relationship. Almost four years. Who would have thought? We went from young, passionate fools who spent half of their time breaking each others hearts and the other half making love, to more subdued, companions. We complain about our jobs over dinner, smoke shisha and watch stand-up comedy in bed, because we're too tired to go out. We never talk about the future--because frankly--neither one of us knows where or how we'll end up, but yet there's this comfort each takes in the other. For the past four years, we've fought all of our wars together as partners in battle; soldiers in the same ditch. Both virtual only children who don't understand their families and often feel let down by friends, the glue that has bound us has been our loyalty to one another. We don't always see eye to eye and we've had our share of ups and downs, but we always know that neither of us will ever abandon the other. I believe that's what friendship really is: assurance in someones presence, assurance in that they will be there. No matter the nature of the relationship or how it evolves, you have to believe that that person is part of your life, part of you, part of your story. It makes you less scared about the future. No one should ever have to go into the battlefield alone.... I wish I didn't take it to heart when people don't have the same attitude towards friendship that I have. Perhaps it is my own fault for expecting something that not all people are capable of doing... I've seen people go into the battlefield alone. None of those people make it out alive.
Boy, you continue to mess up, continue to change... Who will we be when that day comes? If that day ever comes, God willing.