Death
...is not something I understand yet. The death of my dog, BooBoo, three years ago still haunts me. I can still hear my grandmother screaming as I unpack my bags. I can still see his lifeless eyes shining from the outside light on my garage as he lay in the street. I can still feel the cold tile against my thighs as I sit on the floor of my closet (my safe place in that house) crying in shock.
It's not anything I can quite comprehend or absorb, yet it's all around me as of late. All of my friend's loved ones or family members, even clients are dropping like flies... My whole life I've known that I was an empath. I feel all this loss tremendously and it's affecting me... With each day, as I mature, I face more and more uncertainly. The supposed enlightenment that comes with young adulthood is bullshit. Your twenties are where you face uncertainty the most. (At least in your teens you don't suffer through the vulnerability of truly being on your own.) I think the only thing I have been made aware of thus far is this: Loss is the most awful thing in the world. Worse than pain, heartbreak, and fear combined. Loss is absolute. Loss is concrete.
I keep crying and I'm not sure why. P.Lo's boyfriend died in a car accident while driving down to see her this weekend. She spoke to him just a couple of hours before it happened.. I spent the day with her yesterday, trying to console her, but realized I couldn't. Some things in life aren't fixable. Loss is one of them. Sure, time makes it hurt less, but that gap is never filled; that pain never goes away... I keep thinking about how none of us can ever be prepared to be blindsided by it. How it's unavoidable.
I think this is why I get so upset when people show a lack of loyalty or concern; when friendships prove shallow and meaningless. I believe that friendship exists for this purpose: in times of joy, if there is no one to laugh with and bear witness to your great moment, it seems as though the great moments never happen at all; and if in times of great sadness we find no shoulder to cry on and no voice to speak words of comfort, well, then we just fall apart.
It's not anything I can quite comprehend or absorb, yet it's all around me as of late. All of my friend's loved ones or family members, even clients are dropping like flies... My whole life I've known that I was an empath. I feel all this loss tremendously and it's affecting me... With each day, as I mature, I face more and more uncertainly. The supposed enlightenment that comes with young adulthood is bullshit. Your twenties are where you face uncertainty the most. (At least in your teens you don't suffer through the vulnerability of truly being on your own.) I think the only thing I have been made aware of thus far is this: Loss is the most awful thing in the world. Worse than pain, heartbreak, and fear combined. Loss is absolute. Loss is concrete.
I keep crying and I'm not sure why. P.Lo's boyfriend died in a car accident while driving down to see her this weekend. She spoke to him just a couple of hours before it happened.. I spent the day with her yesterday, trying to console her, but realized I couldn't. Some things in life aren't fixable. Loss is one of them. Sure, time makes it hurt less, but that gap is never filled; that pain never goes away... I keep thinking about how none of us can ever be prepared to be blindsided by it. How it's unavoidable.
I think this is why I get so upset when people show a lack of loyalty or concern; when friendships prove shallow and meaningless. I believe that friendship exists for this purpose: in times of joy, if there is no one to laugh with and bear witness to your great moment, it seems as though the great moments never happen at all; and if in times of great sadness we find no shoulder to cry on and no voice to speak words of comfort, well, then we just fall apart.