Here's to a New Year Without You.
the Holidays came and went fast enough--thank God. The Other Boy finally came. Such little warmth, such little needing (mutually). I spent most of his birthday dinner, at this lavish restaurant on the Island (which I would normally have no business dining at), conversing with his parents. Same with his farewell dinner. (At one point his mother made a comment, while he was outside, about us possibly marrying someday. To which, I though, 'no way in hell. This is irreparable.') Even New Year's had a chilling distance. Goodnight kiss, "happy New Year." Oh, and there were fights, believe me. There were ones where I got thrown out of his home.
I kept finding myself looking at him, over the course of his visit, and asking, "why are things so different for us now?" and "where has my love gone?" My heart seemed so lacking in hunger and enthusiasm for him. I thanked God repeatedly for it... I will miss him greatly. I will miss the lust, the passion, the understanding, the laughter; but all these fade when love grows tired. He was home for three weeks and change, and I think we saw less of each other than normal. I plan on the gradual reduction of physical presence in each others lives, although I hope it never goes away completely. He will always be a great love of my life, as well as one of the few people I've ever known who understood my core.
My hours got cut on New Year's. I can tell my job wants me to quit. They can't afford me. I'm going to be doing something big in February, and truthfully, I can't afford to switch jobs until after that. But here, too, is a to a new path in jobs.
School started today. In fact, I'm sitting the library writing this now. Taking an extra class... Fuck, I hate school. I started taking anti-depressants over the holidays, too. I feel much better already. I think they'll help handle my many stresses.
I'm going to Boston on Friday. Cannot wait. FRESH AIR! Even if for just two days, it's needed so very much.
So here is to a new life in 2008 (new job, new love, new friends, and so on and so forth). May 22 be different. May this be the year I find what I have always so desperately been searching for.
"You're talking about leaving
It's right about Christmas time
Thinking about moving on
I think I might die inside.
I'm thinking about years gone by
I'm thinking about church at midnight
I'm thinking about letting go
I think that might finally be alright.
But this is where we shine.
Silver bells and open fire
And songs we used to sing
One more chance to be inspired
Is what I'm offering if love is not enough
Then stay with me because
The heartache can wait.
It's not about hanging on
It's making my deal with God
If I could call one last truce
We've given it all we've got.
Then I'm gonna catch my breath
And make it a long December
If we've got nothing left
This could be worth remembering
With a smile upon my face.
Silver bells and open fire
And songs we used to sing
One more chance to be inspired
Is what I'm offering if love is not enough
Then stay with me because.
Silver bells and open fire
And songs we used to sing
One more chance to be inspired
Is what I'm offering if love is not enough
Then stay with me because
The heartache can wait."
I kept finding myself looking at him, over the course of his visit, and asking, "why are things so different for us now?" and "where has my love gone?" My heart seemed so lacking in hunger and enthusiasm for him. I thanked God repeatedly for it... I will miss him greatly. I will miss the lust, the passion, the understanding, the laughter; but all these fade when love grows tired. He was home for three weeks and change, and I think we saw less of each other than normal. I plan on the gradual reduction of physical presence in each others lives, although I hope it never goes away completely. He will always be a great love of my life, as well as one of the few people I've ever known who understood my core.
My hours got cut on New Year's. I can tell my job wants me to quit. They can't afford me. I'm going to be doing something big in February, and truthfully, I can't afford to switch jobs until after that. But here, too, is a to a new path in jobs.
School started today. In fact, I'm sitting the library writing this now. Taking an extra class... Fuck, I hate school. I started taking anti-depressants over the holidays, too. I feel much better already. I think they'll help handle my many stresses.
I'm going to Boston on Friday. Cannot wait. FRESH AIR! Even if for just two days, it's needed so very much.
So here is to a new life in 2008 (new job, new love, new friends, and so on and so forth). May 22 be different. May this be the year I find what I have always so desperately been searching for.
"You're talking about leaving
It's right about Christmas time
Thinking about moving on
I think I might die inside.
I'm thinking about years gone by
I'm thinking about church at midnight
I'm thinking about letting go
I think that might finally be alright.
But this is where we shine.
Silver bells and open fire
And songs we used to sing
One more chance to be inspired
Is what I'm offering if love is not enough
Then stay with me because
The heartache can wait.
It's not about hanging on
It's making my deal with God
If I could call one last truce
We've given it all we've got.
Then I'm gonna catch my breath
And make it a long December
If we've got nothing left
This could be worth remembering
With a smile upon my face.
Silver bells and open fire
And songs we used to sing
One more chance to be inspired
Is what I'm offering if love is not enough
Then stay with me because.
Silver bells and open fire
And songs we used to sing
One more chance to be inspired
Is what I'm offering if love is not enough
Then stay with me because
The heartache can wait."