Today was difficult.

[southernstyle]

I sit, posting this from a hotel room in Tampa, FL, having had to go out of town for work.  But I'm not here.  I'm in Demorest, again, at Yonah Memorial Gardens.  I can see the National Guardsmen standing at attention, crisp salutes snapped up in respect.  I can hear the words spoken over your casket, words of kindness, support, joy, and pain.  Words that I understand now, because of you.  The kindness you showed every time I brought a wayward friend home, the support you gave me when I needed help, the joy I saw in your eyes when I finally started "getting it right", the pain I felt that I couldn't take away your pain over these last few years.  I understand love and loss, now, to a razor's edge.  I understand acceptance of something whether I like it or not.  I understand freedom and consequence, probably better than I ever wanted to.  I understand all these things because of you, the wisdom you gave, the discussions we had.  Yes, it's only been six months, and yes, over time, I will become a bit more accepting of the loss, but today, more so than Christmas, more so than your Birthday, hurts.  A lot.  More than I ever expected it to.

I love you, Daddy, and still miss you so very, very much.

Happy Father's day.