i want to cry...

[southernidget]

ok, so last night i got this msg on my phone, and it was from scott. he said that he got the job at camp, asked if i did, and about getting together on friday at snydi. i was soo happy that he got it. hes probably one of the closest friends that i have that i can talk to about anything and everything. so then i asked him if dave got the job to. in my mind, dave is like, the ideal person for the cabin leader position. he didnt get it :( my heart sunk. thats my boy. i love that boy more then words could ever express. hes the kind of person that my parents and i both dream of me marrying. (for those who dont know, since the day i met him ive been in love with him.. june 17th, 2001.. lol) that broke me, but ill still have scott there with me. so, later on, im online, and i remember, hm, chris applied too. i wonder if he got it. sooo me in my brilliance decided to ask him. first off, he didnt remember it was me. thanks. really. and then when i told him that i got it too, he was just like, really? really? as if im not "worthy" enough to be there. and of course, stevie, his gf got it too. ok, i could just be a little prejudice, but i think that dave moreso should have gotten it over chris, any day. and im not just saying that bc of how i feel about dave. dave is probably the strongest christian that i have ever met. you can see passion in his eyes when he talks about it, and boy does he talk. if i ever have a question about something, i go to him for it, because 9 outta 10 times, he will have an answer for me. he tells people like it is, and is so freaking knowledgeable about anything biblical. we went to borders one time that he was up here, and we took a detour over to the cafe part, and his youth pastor was there. he introduced me to him and the 3 of us just sat down talking, and i was blown away by what he knew. (both of the guys) anyway, chris knows that i have a slight, party side of me, and that i do drink, smoke, all that jazz. dave knows that too, and i know that he cares, but isnt all over it like the plague. chris on the other hand, i can feel when hes thinking something negatively. its just something that ive learned to pick up on. i know that he thinks that i shouldnt be up at camp, but i have every right to be. my actions dont at all reflect on my capacity to be a counsler, or my christianity. im sorry im not the perfect christian in his eyes, or probably even close to being it, but i cant change that (well, i guess i can, i just choose not to). i like who i am, i enjoy doing what i do, i dont hurt anyone besides myself, and ive learned to accept that. he puts down things, for example, story of the year (the band). i love them. he thinks that their a sellout of something like that, and a one hit wonder. ok, how long have they been out? yeah not that long. you have to get one hit in order to have more. im sorry that other people have actually heard of bands that i like. hell, i like rap. is that really so bad? just because its not the type of thing that your into, doesnt mean that others cant have an appreciation towards it. im sorry im not all, phylisophical in entries, and i dont write freaking books, and im not a pastors kid, and i dont have the ideal christian school that im going to, im sorry im not living up to what you thought is so great.

ugh. i dont even remember what my point was anymore. i could go on about this forever, but considering a)most people have no idea who the hell im talking about and b)you probably dont really care, im just gonna shut up..