30 Weeks
I've realized today that my greatest fear is being helpless. Not knowing what's going on, or what is going to happen in the future makes me feel helpless. I hate not being able to control things, and this has made me feel like a horrible human being. I have cried about non stop since 7am this morning when the doctor told me my dog is dying from cancer, and all I can do is wait. I've had my dog since I was a child, and not being able to save him makes me feel like a failure. I made the stupid decision to look up information about stage three tumors among dogs, and it said that after surgery..they almost never live past 30 weeks. He had surgery the day before yesterday, and 30 weeks from now is my birthday.
He just sits there with his chin on my lap watching me cry, thinking that somehow in some way I'm going to be able to protect him..and I can't. I have never felt so helpless in my entire life. I can't imagine life without this dog..he's my best friend. I NEED him. I don't have friends, I don't have a boyfriend, I have a family who really doesn't like me all that much. He's going to be happy and loving and will never know that he may not live for another week. 30 weeks isn't enough.
When my best friend died from brain tumors I was 14, I begged and pleaded with everyone I could find..to let me look. Let me look for doctors, let me look for medicines, SOMETHING that might have saved her and I couldn't. I had no control over anything.
I've cried so much that I'm actually sweating. Ugh.
He just sits there with his chin on my lap watching me cry, thinking that somehow in some way I'm going to be able to protect him..and I can't. I have never felt so helpless in my entire life. I can't imagine life without this dog..he's my best friend. I NEED him. I don't have friends, I don't have a boyfriend, I have a family who really doesn't like me all that much. He's going to be happy and loving and will never know that he may not live for another week. 30 weeks isn't enough.
When my best friend died from brain tumors I was 14, I begged and pleaded with everyone I could find..to let me look. Let me look for doctors, let me look for medicines, SOMETHING that might have saved her and I couldn't. I had no control over anything.
I've cried so much that I'm actually sweating. Ugh.