FANFIC: WRITTEN IN BLOOD
Title: Written in Blood
Fandom: Once Upon a Time
Characters: Ruby/August
Prompt: A Song [written in blood/she wants revenge]
Word Count: 746
Rating: PG13 [implied sexuality]
( Blood red lips )
Fandom: Once Upon a Time
Characters: Ruby/August
Prompt: A Song [written in blood/she wants revenge]
Word Count: 746
Rating: PG13 [implied sexuality]
( Blood red lips )
her chest and legs tangled up in the sheets. (<----her chest and her legs. possibly their legs, but her and her is more parallel.)
lap - just a delivery, she had been given to accomplish became so much more as her red nails trailed down his back. (<---- lap. It was just a delivery she had been given to accomplish.../ lap. The delivery she had been given to accomplish... bit of a run on. I am so bad about these.)
reminding her she where she was as she straighten her uniform (<----reminding her where she was as she straightened.... I also think mega watt is megawatt.)
eyes kept guarded (maybe "were kept guarded" when I "hear it" in my head it flows better? idek.)
everywhere else (everything works better. everyone and everything, but her)
breath, cursing mentally at not making the knots too tight, for not leaving his shirt unripped, and trying (<--- breathe, cursing mentally for having not made the knots too tight, having left his shirt unripped, etc)
the scratches on his neck were still there and it looked like he hadn't managed to wipe off all the blood red lipstick from his lips. (<---and the tell-tale smudges (I also like "stain" here. idek. lol.) of blood red lipstick that still lingered on his lips. I like that it "lingered" like her thoughts about him, showing that it stayed with him as well.)
a gaze fall upon her and her mind fled back to last night. (<---his gaze....snapped back? flee sounds like she wants to escape it not escape TO it)
to the point where she drew blood--just a small cut, but enough to let him know they were written in blood. (just moved the comma and fixed the fragment)
half asleep so ignore nonsensical laying on my side looking at the computer sideways editing if it appeals more. lol. I'm all herpderp at the moment. I wish it were tomorrow night. -.- ♥
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