[Private/Writer Filter]
I wasn't lying when I said I don't miss them.
I don't.
Do I miss what we once had? God yes. I miss having a family. I miss that sense of maybe somewhat belonging somewhere. I miss feeling like perhaps I was needed, or even wanted, in some way.
But things changed. Everyone changed. None of them are the same people, and I don't want to be there anymore. I cannot look at any of them without the overwhelming knowledge that I was undeniably betrayed by those few I let myself trust. Fucked over by my best friend. Fucked over by my- God, he was my husband for chrissake. Maybe not legally, but the ceremony and the rings and the words meant something to me. And I knew better, but I still hoped.
But I knew better. I've always known better. And maybe it isn't so much them I hate as it's what they did. They stripped me of my last illusions, my remaining ability to hope. They encouraged that hope, and then took it from me. And it wasn't planned and it wasn't intentional, but it happened all the same, and I cannot face them without remembering that.
I don't.
Do I miss what we once had? God yes. I miss having a family. I miss that sense of maybe somewhat belonging somewhere. I miss feeling like perhaps I was needed, or even wanted, in some way.
But things changed. Everyone changed. None of them are the same people, and I don't want to be there anymore. I cannot look at any of them without the overwhelming knowledge that I was undeniably betrayed by those few I let myself trust. Fucked over by my best friend. Fucked over by my- God, he was my husband for chrissake. Maybe not legally, but the ceremony and the rings and the words meant something to me. And I knew better, but I still hoped.
But I knew better. I've always known better. And maybe it isn't so much them I hate as it's what they did. They stripped me of my last illusions, my remaining ability to hope. They encouraged that hope, and then took it from me. And it wasn't planned and it wasn't intentional, but it happened all the same, and I cannot face them without remembering that.