(no subject)
i feel terrible for being so irritated right now. and not irritated with anyone or anything. more irritated with myself. for choices long since made and choices still unmade.
irritated with being confident in myself for once, but unsure of where to go from here. and i know that i probably shouldn't go anywhere from here with anything i do. i should coast and just let it go. but letting it go is impossible. i just wish i could mesh them together. i wish there were a personal decision maker assigned to every person, and that decision maker knew everything about anything and could see the future and would tell me which desicion would be best. but i suppose it doesn't matter. i'm not a grown up and i don't want to be. but i also don't want to make any mistakes.
i honestly don't want to think about anything anymore. which is the worst possible thing for me to have just admitted to myself. i want to be fun-loving and positive again. and i typically am, but recently all i can do is be sad. and a good portion of it, i think, it workload and the people i'm surrounding myself with. everyone's sad lately. everyone's angry. everyone is acting like they don't normally act. it's affecting me in ways i wish it wouldn't.
and it sounds like i've been the worst possible, but i really haven't. i've been excited and contented and happy. but just now, right as i write this, i just can't help feeling irritated with myself. because there are things i'm good at and there are things that never happen to me. and the things i'm good at i'm turning out to be terrible at. and the things that never happen to me, the people who never pay attention to me, finally are. life is slowly taking a terrible turn. or maybe it's a good one and i'm just being pessimistic.
happy valentine's day everyone. i wish you all the best day imaginable.
with a special 'i love you' for jenni. because no matter what mood i'm in, she always makes me feel loved, and always makes me smile.
(new icon, new color scheme to match, new info, new outlook soon hopefully)
irritated with being confident in myself for once, but unsure of where to go from here. and i know that i probably shouldn't go anywhere from here with anything i do. i should coast and just let it go. but letting it go is impossible. i just wish i could mesh them together. i wish there were a personal decision maker assigned to every person, and that decision maker knew everything about anything and could see the future and would tell me which desicion would be best. but i suppose it doesn't matter. i'm not a grown up and i don't want to be. but i also don't want to make any mistakes.
i honestly don't want to think about anything anymore. which is the worst possible thing for me to have just admitted to myself. i want to be fun-loving and positive again. and i typically am, but recently all i can do is be sad. and a good portion of it, i think, it workload and the people i'm surrounding myself with. everyone's sad lately. everyone's angry. everyone is acting like they don't normally act. it's affecting me in ways i wish it wouldn't.
and it sounds like i've been the worst possible, but i really haven't. i've been excited and contented and happy. but just now, right as i write this, i just can't help feeling irritated with myself. because there are things i'm good at and there are things that never happen to me. and the things i'm good at i'm turning out to be terrible at. and the things that never happen to me, the people who never pay attention to me, finally are. life is slowly taking a terrible turn. or maybe it's a good one and i'm just being pessimistic.
happy valentine's day everyone. i wish you all the best day imaginable.
with a special 'i love you' for jenni. because no matter what mood i'm in, she always makes me feel loved, and always makes me smile.
(new icon, new color scheme to match, new info, new outlook soon hopefully)