I Still Love the Way You Feel
angelofshadows//Chris,
I'm sorry for calling you an asshole. I think it is obvious that we are all too mature to have these word wars, but we just keep running into them. I guess I was just stressed out. I haven't spent a lot of time with Amanda lately and that was my one night with her. Then all of a sudden we find out that she or I or we insulted Matthew in some way and you were pissed about it? We drew our claws and fangs because we really didn't have any other way to react. It's human nature to defend our egos and pride. I guess it was just another misunderstanding. I'm sorry things have to keep working out this way. Once again, my apologies. Still friends?
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I'm finally starting to adapt to these new changes as of recently. I'd be lying if I said I was totally adjusted. Things just keep getting me so screwed up. I wanted to spend time getting myself ready for college, but it seems like that is the one thing I spend the least amount of time on. I hate when Mrs. Purvis gives me her death stare like, "You have so much potential, why don't you work harder?" I think she was disappointed that Amanda left but at the same time relieved that perhaps now I might get something accomplished. Amanda was never a cause for my not accomplishing anything ... but I don't think Mrs. Purvis shared this same theory. I want to do better, I really do. It's just that ... Algebra (or any math for that matter) isn't my strong point. I'm an artist. I'm a writer ... a painter of words. I can't be bothered with functions and variables. C'mon now ... how often do you think I'm going to need to know how to graph an ordered pair in my lifetime. I doubt I will ever need to.
I love English, but I can't stand Mrs. Lucas. I realize why she teaches business level English and not regular English ... she has no soul. The woman seriously handed her soul to Satan, because she is souless. She has no joy in her life and I think the fact that she finally has gotten married surprises even her. Maybe it was one of those ... I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, settle for second best kind of things. She's not very attractive, her so-called intelligence is still questionable, and she's got about as much personality as a mime ... who would marry her? I don't ever want to marry ... it's too final. How can I change the world when I have the responsiblities that come with nuptials. It's quite simple ... I can't.
My car is broke again. I hate my car. I really, seriously, without a doubt cannot stand my car. Piece of Ford shit. I think people who drive American cars know they suck, but they do it for patriotic reasons. I drive a Ford ... because I'm poor. Poor. Poor. Poor. I'm dirt ass poor. I have a good job that pays pretty decent, and I'm still always poor. Can anyone explain this to me? I'm hella confused. The sheer mechanics of it are questionable. Speaking of work, ladies and gentle gents, it's 1:53 and I must be getting back to it.
[edit] I am weird, y'know? I think sometimes that I'd be better off if I just slipped into an eternal darkness. But then, I get to thinking of life and light and beauty unbeknownst to me ... and though the shadows contain me now, I want to scratch and claw away dispair until the light is gentle against my face. I hate when people complain about how life is so fucking bad, but at the same time ... I do it. Maybe I'm just a huge hypocrit. Maybe I'm just misunderstood. Maybe I'm just tired of caring, y'know? I think I'm too old for a lot of the stupid shit I pull ... so why do I still do it? God only knows. [/edit]
Keep reading, and I'll keep writing. Ciao!
I'm sorry for calling you an asshole. I think it is obvious that we are all too mature to have these word wars, but we just keep running into them. I guess I was just stressed out. I haven't spent a lot of time with Amanda lately and that was my one night with her. Then all of a sudden we find out that she or I or we insulted Matthew in some way and you were pissed about it? We drew our claws and fangs because we really didn't have any other way to react. It's human nature to defend our egos and pride. I guess it was just another misunderstanding. I'm sorry things have to keep working out this way. Once again, my apologies. Still friends?
___________________________________________________
I'm finally starting to adapt to these new changes as of recently. I'd be lying if I said I was totally adjusted. Things just keep getting me so screwed up. I wanted to spend time getting myself ready for college, but it seems like that is the one thing I spend the least amount of time on. I hate when Mrs. Purvis gives me her death stare like, "You have so much potential, why don't you work harder?" I think she was disappointed that Amanda left but at the same time relieved that perhaps now I might get something accomplished. Amanda was never a cause for my not accomplishing anything ... but I don't think Mrs. Purvis shared this same theory. I want to do better, I really do. It's just that ... Algebra (or any math for that matter) isn't my strong point. I'm an artist. I'm a writer ... a painter of words. I can't be bothered with functions and variables. C'mon now ... how often do you think I'm going to need to know how to graph an ordered pair in my lifetime. I doubt I will ever need to.
I love English, but I can't stand Mrs. Lucas. I realize why she teaches business level English and not regular English ... she has no soul. The woman seriously handed her soul to Satan, because she is souless. She has no joy in her life and I think the fact that she finally has gotten married surprises even her. Maybe it was one of those ... I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, settle for second best kind of things. She's not very attractive, her so-called intelligence is still questionable, and she's got about as much personality as a mime ... who would marry her? I don't ever want to marry ... it's too final. How can I change the world when I have the responsiblities that come with nuptials. It's quite simple ... I can't.
My car is broke again. I hate my car. I really, seriously, without a doubt cannot stand my car. Piece of Ford shit. I think people who drive American cars know they suck, but they do it for patriotic reasons. I drive a Ford ... because I'm poor. Poor. Poor. Poor. I'm dirt ass poor. I have a good job that pays pretty decent, and I'm still always poor. Can anyone explain this to me? I'm hella confused. The sheer mechanics of it are questionable. Speaking of work, ladies and gentle gents, it's 1:53 and I must be getting back to it.
[edit] I am weird, y'know? I think sometimes that I'd be better off if I just slipped into an eternal darkness. But then, I get to thinking of life and light and beauty unbeknownst to me ... and though the shadows contain me now, I want to scratch and claw away dispair until the light is gentle against my face. I hate when people complain about how life is so fucking bad, but at the same time ... I do it. Maybe I'm just a huge hypocrit. Maybe I'm just misunderstood. Maybe I'm just tired of caring, y'know? I think I'm too old for a lot of the stupid shit I pull ... so why do I still do it? God only knows. [/edit]
Keep reading, and I'll keep writing. Ciao!