Kill Me Faster
I feel small and exposed. I feel insignifigant nothingness. I feel numb. There is nothing left to feel, and if I could truly feel it ... what would I say to make it better? I don't know that anything can really be said. I said I wasn't going to post today, and I really meant it. But with recent events, being as they are, I can't not post. I have to
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I feel when I read your words, an overwhelming urge to help. I'm drawn to your cries in unspeakable ways. Such is this that I can not comfort in the thought that you too walk this same dark and deranged path. It's not a path for anyone to endure. I would never want someone to feel the pain that I feel, see the scars that I see, live the dark that I live. I wouldn't even wish it upon my greatest foes. I do not deny that my love angel exists, and that his wings couldn't lift me higher than the softest clouds in heaven. But, in my darkness, I remain and thus know better than to believe I could ever feel him holding me, in all his strength and glory, lifting me to those untangible heights. Too pure is he, and too toxic am I.
If angelic I am, long has it been since my tattered wings have taken to the skies. And ironically enough, this "treasure" you speak of has been of no more use to me than those tattered wings. It is my curse; a curse that draws me farther into the awaiting darkness. For how can one who can not be understood be loved? Even the most mysterious and beautiful of things can seem forbidden and fearsome to the untrained eye.
I never wish to give up on love. And if I can't be brought into the light to await my dangerous love angel, I will hide in the shadows awaiting my dark warrior with a soul so complicated that when weaved with mine, will create the perfect whole. And then, only then will I live peacefully in my everlasting darkness.
Thank you for your comments.
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