To Clear the Mind
Readers Beware: This may make little sense and will most likely ramble. You may stop reading at your leisure.
I can't complete entire thoughts. I want to write this all down because it feels as if I am talking to someone and, perhaps, it will help straighten things out in my mind. Can I possibly walk away from the computer feelings relieved and refreshed from a time of reflection? I doubt it. But it's one of those days where the hours go by far too slowly and your mind races on for one agonizing minute after another; and those days call for action. "Try something new" says the everlasting day.
I did try something new earlier today as well. I was bold; something I rarely am. I am beginning to feel old and worry about settling into a life that is fruitless. Perhaps my shy-ness has kept me from opportunities; perhaps I didn't risk enough to really live. And shouldn't that really be the way we all live? Fearless. Bold. Confident. Energized.
To say that I did anything "all that courageous" this afternoon would be an overstatement. Let's just call it "progress." But it is so often that I back away from situations that force me to put myself "out there." A gambler I am not and I hate to take risks. But with big risk comes big gain, don't you think? Playing it safe adds nothing new to life and I can't see how that is a satisfying life.
"What if" is my biggest enemy but also my biggest motivator. I have recently been plagued with "what if's" and sometimes they are exhilarating; at other times stomach-churning. But if that boldness is snuffed out, the "what if's" only grow louder. I don't want to live with regrets and missed opportunities. I'd rather be able to look back and say, "I took the chance and did my best." Because boldness does not equate success. OH! There will be failures. But rest comes when your soul can say, "Now I know."