It’s so close, but we’re so far away

[sour_jacks_ick]

Wow I am so back to being confused again. After so long I started to get over everything that happened and moved on to other people and other things. But now that he's all of a sudden wanting a part in my life... I don't know. Knowing previous situations, I'll probably be letting him in again. I hate how I do this. I can talk all this shit about how hurt I am but then I just let him come in and out of my life with no fight. I don't even know why I do it either. I just do. I don't want to. But I guess my heart speaks before my brain and shit happens. If I was with someone right now it would make this whole process a hell of a lot easier. But instead I'm with no one, fighting this on my own, and probably falling into him again. I hate this I hate this I hate this. But this is what I wanted right? From the beginning? Get back to normal... be best friends again... pretend like nothing happened before. No. No. No. Now I don't know if I want this. A lot has happened since we stopped talking and stopped hanging out. I'm partially moved on. But watch me fall back into this hole of insecurity and fall into the abyss of him. This is so much to deal with. It sounds like nothing. But my heart is so confused right now. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to think. Jesus if I was just with someone I'd probably be able to make this decision a lot easier.

Remembering, everything,
about my world and when you came.
Wondering, the change you’d bring,
means nothing else would be the same.
Did you know, what you were doing, did you know.
Did you know how you would move me well,
I don’t really think so.
but the night came down and swept us away.
and the stars they seemed,
to paint the most elaborate scene to date.

? ♥ ?
becca