I'm not going to get into college either.

[sounlikely]

I am so behind on all of this college stuff, I requested my apps but they haven't come yet. I feel like I suck at all my pieces. The first movement of Mendelssohn has gone down the drain, and it is such a hard piece, it will be so much work to bring back...the problem is, I have to know all of these fantastically hard pieces all at the same time. And by know, I don't mean remember the notes, I mean remember the notes and everything else that makes it sound like a piece of music. Paganini is so damn hard, I fucked it up so bad for Mr. Smith, Mendelssohn is Mendelssohn, Bach is Bach. I feel like I suck at Mr Smith auditions but not district and all-state auditions, but I'm still so terrified of college auditions...maybe that's because I don't really know all my pieces yet. As everyone got mad at Kaye for saying, I'm not going to get in anywhere and I'll have to go to UMass and hate my life without a violin performance major, and I'll end up an unhappy english teacher like Mr Minks instead of an awesome happy english teacher like Malia or Ms Barber-Just. I want to go to Rochester and Eastman. Watch me get into Rochester but not Eastman, and Oberlin Conservatory but not the college. I would fucking go to Rochester. I don't want to go so far away I need to take an airplane to get to and from school. Rochester is near Geneva. Rochester is near Fulton. GBT plays in Rochester sometimes. Rochester is near Canada, just in case the draft gets reinstated. Rochester is in the northeast. Eastman is AMAZING. When I was a sophomore we had the most amazing all-state conductor, like definitely the best conductor I've ever played under, and he was from Eastman.

I don't see why everyone was so mean to Kaye about not wanting to go to UMass, and I don't see why people can't just accept that someone really wouldn't want to go to UMass. Just because they're bitter or like UMass doesn't mean that Kaye should have to want to go there, or that they should get to attack her about it.

I don't want to go to UMass either, and I will be very sad if I have to. Bite me for wanting to go somewhere better suited to me.