(no subject)
its ridiculous how a single fucking thing has caused so many other things to snowball and spiral downward for me into the darkest years of my life so far. so dark that for the first time in my twenty years of existence i actually had serious thoughts of ending it. as crazy as that sounds and as much as im against that david orozco was slightly suicidal. i say slightly only because im too much of a bitch to bring myself to take my life. I became lost, still lost actually. The only thing keeping me going i really dont know. it WAS hope but i think ive lost alot of that lately. so what it is now beats me. constant sadness has led me to my current state of apathy. indifference to current things going on around me but remaining stagnant to the cause of it all. i remember this phrase ive read before, i think maybe from a psychology book, "Without thought no truth, without perception no reality". which sounds so good to my ears. i want to stop thinking so much man. i need to leave reality behind maybe. it seems thats the way. i mean i cant be upset about things though right? what can i do right? im across the fucking country so its whatever right? its just funny how shit can suddenly change once i leave. and i thought running away from everything and nothing at the same time was going to be a cure. i was going to take a break from it all, reunite with family i had not seen in years, relax, try not to think so much, maybe find what it is im looking for out here...