Battle Ship: SUNK!
"Do you still love me?"
"What?"
"Nothing. I can't believe I just said that."
"What did you say? I didn't quite hear it."
"I asked if you still loved me."
That's when my knees went wobbly. How could I not love him?
I've been thinking about love a lot lately. Actually, an obscene amount. Mostly about what it means. I always thought that if you love someone, they're THE ONE, and there's no way around it. But I've learned love is subjective. You can apply it when and how you want it. And I'm not supposed to love.
Two examples stand out.
I "loved" Bart as much as I could in that situation. Hell, I "love" him now, but I know I'm not going to marry him or anything, but I can't help but think that if I once loved him, I still must, but that love is just pushed to the back of the line. It's not worth anything anymore because it's not being used actively. I have the capacity and potential to love Bart, but it's not ever going to be needed.
I loved Andrew biblically, but I don't really know about emotionally. He was convenient. But then again, considering the situation, I may or may not be in denial about this.
But this love, this new, applies-only-to-Matt-sort-of-love, it's very different. It's like children who love. It's sweet and innocent and naive and beautiful. I love him wonderfully, differently.
I'm not going to say that this boyfriend is different, because he's not. I'm always the same. They're always the same. I just love differently.
I'm not supposed to love. I'm supposed to be cynical; love is supposed to be subjective.
"What?"
"Nothing. I can't believe I just said that."
"What did you say? I didn't quite hear it."
"I asked if you still loved me."
That's when my knees went wobbly. How could I not love him?
I've been thinking about love a lot lately. Actually, an obscene amount. Mostly about what it means. I always thought that if you love someone, they're THE ONE, and there's no way around it. But I've learned love is subjective. You can apply it when and how you want it. And I'm not supposed to love.
Two examples stand out.
I "loved" Bart as much as I could in that situation. Hell, I "love" him now, but I know I'm not going to marry him or anything, but I can't help but think that if I once loved him, I still must, but that love is just pushed to the back of the line. It's not worth anything anymore because it's not being used actively. I have the capacity and potential to love Bart, but it's not ever going to be needed.
I loved Andrew biblically, but I don't really know about emotionally. He was convenient. But then again, considering the situation, I may or may not be in denial about this.
But this love, this new, applies-only-to-Matt-sort-of-love, it's very different. It's like children who love. It's sweet and innocent and naive and beautiful. I love him wonderfully, differently.
I'm not going to say that this boyfriend is different, because he's not. I'm always the same. They're always the same. I just love differently.
I'm not supposed to love. I'm supposed to be cynical; love is supposed to be subjective.