Spring
A week or 2 ago I was fired, and I don't really care right now, that or I'm choosing not to care because i based so much of my own sanity on my job I choose to acknowledge that right now in society, I'm a 'failure.' Whatever. I'm called a failure but I'm feeling fine and happy.
Tom came down a week ago today and we chatted after I hung out with my moms on Mother's Day. I think my parents and I are finally starting to connect, or at least make sense. He picked me up and we went to Bellingham, where I spent a week with him and Dish. I'm becoming nervous about college because I can see how unhappy and depressed the dorms are making everyone. It seems that no one knows wether or not they're making realy or meaningful connections to people because everyone's trying to either impress or destroy themselves or someone else. I spent a lot of time on bikes and in nature, I miss it. I wish Seattle would relax a bit. I took care of Californians for the past few days.
I am becoming the asshole that sits in the corner mocking human interaction and I'd much rather turn the mockery into love, but it's hard to love people for thier bull shit and self-deprecation. We're brainwashed by our culture to be certain ways when it is very clear we are not. It's so much easier to just live and let live, but we get lonely and I can't see how we can make friends without having to acknowledge the competetive nature of people. Though some of us may understand the human condition, can everyone and still have a functional society? Are the concepts of 'owe' and 'own' identical? Does the concept of owe/own create the ego, or does something else?
I don't know why, but after highschool, we Really begin to stop talking about what we're actually experiencing (see: "you're full of (bull) shit"). Is that a development of ego, mental capacity, or is it a technique we develop to preserve ourselves?
I'm becoming more and more frusterated by science. We've got no evidence that molecules and atoms and electrons and all that shit actually work the ways they do, it only seems that way. It's just that we think things are a certain way, so they become that. Whenever we try to explain something, we tend to describe it's molecular nature, and barely ever effectively define it's core- is that the point?
I love you, I miss you.
Tom came down a week ago today and we chatted after I hung out with my moms on Mother's Day. I think my parents and I are finally starting to connect, or at least make sense. He picked me up and we went to Bellingham, where I spent a week with him and Dish. I'm becoming nervous about college because I can see how unhappy and depressed the dorms are making everyone. It seems that no one knows wether or not they're making realy or meaningful connections to people because everyone's trying to either impress or destroy themselves or someone else. I spent a lot of time on bikes and in nature, I miss it. I wish Seattle would relax a bit. I took care of Californians for the past few days.
I am becoming the asshole that sits in the corner mocking human interaction and I'd much rather turn the mockery into love, but it's hard to love people for thier bull shit and self-deprecation. We're brainwashed by our culture to be certain ways when it is very clear we are not. It's so much easier to just live and let live, but we get lonely and I can't see how we can make friends without having to acknowledge the competetive nature of people. Though some of us may understand the human condition, can everyone and still have a functional society? Are the concepts of 'owe' and 'own' identical? Does the concept of owe/own create the ego, or does something else?
I don't know why, but after highschool, we Really begin to stop talking about what we're actually experiencing (see: "you're full of (bull) shit"). Is that a development of ego, mental capacity, or is it a technique we develop to preserve ourselves?
I'm becoming more and more frusterated by science. We've got no evidence that molecules and atoms and electrons and all that shit actually work the ways they do, it only seems that way. It's just that we think things are a certain way, so they become that. Whenever we try to explain something, we tend to describe it's molecular nature, and barely ever effectively define it's core- is that the point?
I love you, I miss you.