(no subject)
i thought junior year would be something special. i'm not really enjoying it. but it's basically my fault so whatever.
i'm sick of friends losing friends or fighting with friends over booze and drugs. it's ridiculous. i don't know man, it doesn't seem worth it anymore. i won't lie, i do enjoy doing it. but it's kind of scary. linda's sister just died a couple days ago from alcoholism. i'm fighting with a friend right now because she thinks i blamed her when we got caught with some booze. i could have, but i don't remember it. i wouldn't put it pass myself. when that kind of pressures on you from a parent, the first thing that comes out of your mouth is something defensive, and i wasn't thinking straight. so who knows, i could have. but we covered it up well. i got in trouble, like i deserved, and everything went fine. it's so stupid to get angry over things like this. if there should be any form of anger, it should be anger or saddness that everybody's doing this. i should be angry at myself and my friends. but i'm not. i hate confrontation. just one rule though-no alcohol is ever allowed in my house again. ever. my friends and i aren't at the point where it's a problem. we're just like most teenagers who want to go out and party, but it most definitely could lead to something like amy's death in the long run. i don't know what to do. i guess the first step is what i already said, no more parties or anything at my house. at all. even if it's just one or two friends over. i'm mixed up as hell. i always feel so guilty but then i assure myself that so many other kids are doing the unimaginable, and that a lot of kids my age drink. it doesn't make it right. it just comforts me, you know, like i'm not the only one.
anyway. i wish this could have started when i was older. like in my 20's. not while in highschool. i don't like worrying about my friends. i couldn't really sleep last night (partly because of jakes ladder), but a majority of it was me worrying about joe and cozmo. they're up in michigan with the band and if they so much as come back with a scrape on their knees, i'm going to scream at them. i do not, by any reason what so ever, trust them on that shit all alone with their band in a michigan house, miles away from medical attention. a;sdlkfja;sdf. i can't wait until they come back tonight. i'll know they're okay.
my grades are getting a little better. home life is kinda shitty. but whatever. i want to get out and my logic is so twisted and mkaes no sense when i apply it to reality, but really, time is running out. in a year or two from now i'll be on my own.
why am i so lazy sometimes?
i'm sick of friends losing friends or fighting with friends over booze and drugs. it's ridiculous. i don't know man, it doesn't seem worth it anymore. i won't lie, i do enjoy doing it. but it's kind of scary. linda's sister just died a couple days ago from alcoholism. i'm fighting with a friend right now because she thinks i blamed her when we got caught with some booze. i could have, but i don't remember it. i wouldn't put it pass myself. when that kind of pressures on you from a parent, the first thing that comes out of your mouth is something defensive, and i wasn't thinking straight. so who knows, i could have. but we covered it up well. i got in trouble, like i deserved, and everything went fine. it's so stupid to get angry over things like this. if there should be any form of anger, it should be anger or saddness that everybody's doing this. i should be angry at myself and my friends. but i'm not. i hate confrontation. just one rule though-no alcohol is ever allowed in my house again. ever. my friends and i aren't at the point where it's a problem. we're just like most teenagers who want to go out and party, but it most definitely could lead to something like amy's death in the long run. i don't know what to do. i guess the first step is what i already said, no more parties or anything at my house. at all. even if it's just one or two friends over. i'm mixed up as hell. i always feel so guilty but then i assure myself that so many other kids are doing the unimaginable, and that a lot of kids my age drink. it doesn't make it right. it just comforts me, you know, like i'm not the only one.
anyway. i wish this could have started when i was older. like in my 20's. not while in highschool. i don't like worrying about my friends. i couldn't really sleep last night (partly because of jakes ladder), but a majority of it was me worrying about joe and cozmo. they're up in michigan with the band and if they so much as come back with a scrape on their knees, i'm going to scream at them. i do not, by any reason what so ever, trust them on that shit all alone with their band in a michigan house, miles away from medical attention. a;sdlkfja;sdf. i can't wait until they come back tonight. i'll know they're okay.
my grades are getting a little better. home life is kinda shitty. but whatever. i want to get out and my logic is so twisted and mkaes no sense when i apply it to reality, but really, time is running out. in a year or two from now i'll be on my own.
why am i so lazy sometimes?