The ups and downs of moving.
Jesus said, “If your first concern is to look after yourself, you’ll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you’ll find both yourself and me.”
Matthew 10:39 (The Message)
I suppose I should start packing my things. I'm not sure what house to call my own yet, but it's somewhere in Nebraska. I'm having a hard time writing this, I don't know why.
Yesterday, when I talked to my Mom about all this, it was.... scary. I was moping about all morning. She invited me to go to the 12:30 showing of Eragon with her and William. I agreed to go because I thought I would have a good chance to talk to her about moving out. It ended up with me not saying anything for the next couple hours, except to explain something that happened in the movie. I was so -scared-... to open my gob and just spill it out: 'Mom, I don't want to go to school next semester. If I do, I'll have to go the next and then the next until a few years have gone by and the whole time I was doing something only so I wouldn't disappoint you." Because, honestly, I couldn't bear to do that.
Finally, when we got back home and Mom began cooking dinner, I was lingering around the kitchen still not saying anything. Every Single Time I tried to open my mouth and say what I wanted to say to her, I choked up and had to go into the bathroom until I stopped silently screaming and my eyes were no longer bloodshot. I had thought for days of everything I wanted to say to her, but standing in the kitchen with her trying to tell her I was leaving her felt impossible to do.
She knew something was up so she asked me what was wrong. I said 'nothing', which I still cant believe. So, she decided to test her knowledge. 'When is the band planning on moving to Omaha?' January. 'This January?' Yes. 'So... you're moping because you don't want the band to move and leave you here by yourself.' Dad came in and said something, and as he did I had to bite down really hard in defense towards crying again. It hardly worked. "No, Mom. I've been moping around because I don't want to disappoint you.' At this point she said 'Baby, let's go sit down on the couch. Now, why do you think I would be disappointed in you? Because you're quitting college, losing your cell phone and car and the brand new lap top I just bought you? All because you think you love some guy? So, you're moving in with the band in a completely different state and you're going to be the one bringing the money in just like it's always been?' Crazy assumption, huh? 'Sarah, every single 18 year old thinks they know everything. If this is what you want, I'm not going to say no. I want you to be happy and God wants you to be happy. I just don't want you to go and end up being the one carrying all the bills and everything and have the band use you. You're kindhearted, and you wouldn't want to hurt their feelings. When things go bad, kids are scared to go back to their parents and have them say 'I told you so', so they fall off the face of the Earth and their parents never hear from them again. I want you to know you always have a place here. This will always be your home and we're never going to look down on you.' Mom, you're my best friend. I have to keep in constant contact with you. My Mom began crying and told me 'You're my best friend too, and that's why I don't want you to go.'
We ended up laying together on the couch for an hour after that, sometimes crying, sometimes... just breathing.
She asked what would happen to Sunny, my kitty, and I told her I didn't want to take her away from her sister. She said she would take care of her. I can only imagine how much I'm going to miss my baby sleeping on my feet and taking showers with me. But I couldn't imagine bringing her all the way to Omaha, away from Misfit when they have never spent a night away from each other since they were born. I couldn't take her away.
I told my Mom I wanted her to fly with me over there a little after the band gets there. I think I'm going to wait a bit to leave until Master's comes back from their break. I want to say goodbye to Jay and Dani. I'm going to call David and Dara sometime this morning.
All they're taking is their instruments and clothes. So, I figure my Mom and I can go shopping for a littl bit of furniture while she's up. Mom said I can keep the nextel so she can keep in contact with me, and thr laptop is a present. The only reason why I can't take the Matrix is becaue it's in my Dad's name.
I still don't know how to tell Bean or William. . . Or Daddy.
Eragon was a great movie. It was great PG rated fun for me, aside from my moping. I'm also almost 78% sure that the evil Sorceror was a member of Cradle of Filth, but I'll be looking more into that later. And Valentine from RE:Apocalypse was in it and she looked so young with her long blond hair. I couldn't believe that was the same butt-kicking zombie killer. All in all, I can't wait for the next Eragon to come out. =)
Matthew 10:39 (The Message)
I suppose I should start packing my things. I'm not sure what house to call my own yet, but it's somewhere in Nebraska. I'm having a hard time writing this, I don't know why.
Yesterday, when I talked to my Mom about all this, it was.... scary. I was moping about all morning. She invited me to go to the 12:30 showing of Eragon with her and William. I agreed to go because I thought I would have a good chance to talk to her about moving out. It ended up with me not saying anything for the next couple hours, except to explain something that happened in the movie. I was so -scared-... to open my gob and just spill it out: 'Mom, I don't want to go to school next semester. If I do, I'll have to go the next and then the next until a few years have gone by and the whole time I was doing something only so I wouldn't disappoint you." Because, honestly, I couldn't bear to do that.
Finally, when we got back home and Mom began cooking dinner, I was lingering around the kitchen still not saying anything. Every Single Time I tried to open my mouth and say what I wanted to say to her, I choked up and had to go into the bathroom until I stopped silently screaming and my eyes were no longer bloodshot. I had thought for days of everything I wanted to say to her, but standing in the kitchen with her trying to tell her I was leaving her felt impossible to do.
She knew something was up so she asked me what was wrong. I said 'nothing', which I still cant believe. So, she decided to test her knowledge. 'When is the band planning on moving to Omaha?' January. 'This January?' Yes. 'So... you're moping because you don't want the band to move and leave you here by yourself.' Dad came in and said something, and as he did I had to bite down really hard in defense towards crying again. It hardly worked. "No, Mom. I've been moping around because I don't want to disappoint you.' At this point she said 'Baby, let's go sit down on the couch. Now, why do you think I would be disappointed in you? Because you're quitting college, losing your cell phone and car and the brand new lap top I just bought you? All because you think you love some guy? So, you're moving in with the band in a completely different state and you're going to be the one bringing the money in just like it's always been?' Crazy assumption, huh? 'Sarah, every single 18 year old thinks they know everything. If this is what you want, I'm not going to say no. I want you to be happy and God wants you to be happy. I just don't want you to go and end up being the one carrying all the bills and everything and have the band use you. You're kindhearted, and you wouldn't want to hurt their feelings. When things go bad, kids are scared to go back to their parents and have them say 'I told you so', so they fall off the face of the Earth and their parents never hear from them again. I want you to know you always have a place here. This will always be your home and we're never going to look down on you.' Mom, you're my best friend. I have to keep in constant contact with you. My Mom began crying and told me 'You're my best friend too, and that's why I don't want you to go.'
We ended up laying together on the couch for an hour after that, sometimes crying, sometimes... just breathing.
She asked what would happen to Sunny, my kitty, and I told her I didn't want to take her away from her sister. She said she would take care of her. I can only imagine how much I'm going to miss my baby sleeping on my feet and taking showers with me. But I couldn't imagine bringing her all the way to Omaha, away from Misfit when they have never spent a night away from each other since they were born. I couldn't take her away.
I told my Mom I wanted her to fly with me over there a little after the band gets there. I think I'm going to wait a bit to leave until Master's comes back from their break. I want to say goodbye to Jay and Dani. I'm going to call David and Dara sometime this morning.
All they're taking is their instruments and clothes. So, I figure my Mom and I can go shopping for a littl bit of furniture while she's up. Mom said I can keep the nextel so she can keep in contact with me, and thr laptop is a present. The only reason why I can't take the Matrix is becaue it's in my Dad's name.
I still don't know how to tell Bean or William. . . Or Daddy.
Eragon was a great movie. It was great PG rated fun for me, aside from my moping. I'm also almost 78% sure that the evil Sorceror was a member of Cradle of Filth, but I'll be looking more into that later. And Valentine from RE:Apocalypse was in it and she looked so young with her long blond hair. I couldn't believe that was the same butt-kicking zombie killer. All in all, I can't wait for the next Eragon to come out. =)