Jul 05, 2006 02:04
you would have thought thered be more people online on a weekday at 2am eh, ok no maybe you wouldnt.
its difficult to know where to start, when you dont really have anything to say and youre typing for the sake of it. Nobody reads this crap anyway, apart from maybe two people.
i have a gut-busting feeling, not the shits, but more of a gutted feeling. maybe cos i know things arent gonna be the way i like them anymore and im gonna have to put up with so much stuff that makes my skin crawl. maybe im a spoilt brat and i should get used to the things i dont like, i dunno.
im leaving sleaford in august to start a new job where dave is, and its really exciting, like... really, and he said hes looking forward to it, but i dunno because its a huge change for both of us. neither of us have had to share much before, i share the room here with my sister but to be honest i over run most of it and all she does is sleep in here and keep her glasses on the shelf. Bless her.
i hope im not just kidding myself that im more grown up than i think i am.
im not saying ive got doubts im just saying i could probably be more sure of it than i am. but im determined to give it a go because you never know eh, you could be missing out on something fantastic if you dont try.
my motorbiking is going averagely, i have more confidence in myself than i did when i started which is good but there were several hiccups at the weekend which i didnt like.. and im sure i put about them in the previous post. dave and i were both frustrated cos my bike had problems and shouted at eachother... and i suppose it just dawned on me that we both have bad tempers, maybe his a little bit worse than mine. so i hope that doesnt clash too much.
im only going through all this in my head cos ive got fuckall else to do or think about, haha, i make me laugh at me.
i have work tomorrow but i dont wanna go. everyone found out i was leaving today and nobody gave a shit really. a bit hurtful methinks. especially as they reckon theyre all oh SO close to me and crap. and then after being in hunky dorey moods all day i got an offer of swimming tonight and i was basically like... um, no, cos if im going with anyone itll be my sister, not you.
I think most of my colleagues are just looking forward to having an extra desk. they did say to me today dont feel put out because of the fact we're having to organise things based on you not being here soon. and im mature enough to accept that, but to act like nobody gives a shit and then watch me struggle with a huge workload all day is a bit cruel.
the world isnt all its cracked up to be, yanno. maybe one day i'll discover my destiny :D i'll find out that i'm worth something to someone and i'll feel all fulfilled.
if only i could feel more at ease with myself and get on with it.
ps. i have lucozade, and i love everyone that takes the time to read this bullshit. :) <3's to you.