despite that i feel as if i've been in a 100 round boxing match
this makes me feel so much better.
i just received a response from my teacher (i wrote her a goodbye e-mail and asked if it was okay if i e-mailed her w/ questions or talk to her in the future) and she said it was just fine if i did so :) which is wonderful.
anyways, what made me feel so much better is this response she gave to me about my questioning and about my finding an identity:
"You are so young, so before all beginning, and I want to beg you, as much as I can, dear sir, to be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer. Perhaps you do carry within yourself the possibility of shaping and forming as a particularly happy and pure way of living: train yourself to it --but take whatever comes with great trust, and if only it comes out of your own will, out of some need of your inmost being, take it upon yourself and hate nothing."
--Ranier Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet.
now you tell me you don't think she's an amazing teacher/person!
i'm almost baited to tell her about my religious quest/conversion ideas. hm...
i feel so upset and confused and befuddled right now but somehow it feels alright.
i just received a response from my teacher (i wrote her a goodbye e-mail and asked if it was okay if i e-mailed her w/ questions or talk to her in the future) and she said it was just fine if i did so :) which is wonderful.
anyways, what made me feel so much better is this response she gave to me about my questioning and about my finding an identity:
"You are so young, so before all beginning, and I want to beg you, as much as I can, dear sir, to be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer. Perhaps you do carry within yourself the possibility of shaping and forming as a particularly happy and pure way of living: train yourself to it --but take whatever comes with great trust, and if only it comes out of your own will, out of some need of your inmost being, take it upon yourself and hate nothing."
--Ranier Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet.
now you tell me you don't think she's an amazing teacher/person!
i'm almost baited to tell her about my religious quest/conversion ideas. hm...
i feel so upset and confused and befuddled right now but somehow it feels alright.