birthdays: of expectations & wishes
Over the years, I've come to expect less and less of my birthday. Seeing it as the most special day in a year, I used to imagine my birthday to be a day of merry-making, a day where I'll be showered with presents and have loved ones by my side. These days, I just hope for some quiet time to myself. Yet, with this time of the year being an annual crunch at work, my desire for a special day to spend as I wish seems again too much to ask for.
Much as my excitement over my birthday has dwindled, there are individuals who stand out each year, who remind me that my birthday remains an occasion worth looking forward to. This year, there were a few friends who each made time to be with me recently, pampering me with dinner treats, presents as well as their company. Through them, I saw how having little expectations of my birthday wasn't a bad thing. My friends’ gestures, be it a present they gave or an SMS they sent, easily triggered a big wave of appreciation and joy. The larger meaning behind their gestures - that they remember and care - was a present more than I can ask for.
My birthday, as with Christmas and New Year, is a time when I find myself looking back as much as I am looking ahead. Each time I reflect on who I am today to who I was yesterday, I’m struck by how so much has changed, and so much hasn't. Much of what I’ve envisioned for myself has still yet to move from imagination to reality. If anything, the idealistic images in my mind can’t be more different from how reality has panned out. I wonder where the drive, purpose and satisfaction in reaching for the seemingly impossible in the past have all gone to. As I thought about my birthday wish this year, greed prevailed over me and I found myself making two - the return of the kind of joy and fulfilment I once felt, and that I’ll be able to do what it takes to bring them back. If my birthday wishes do come true (despite my sharing them here), I know they would be among the best presents I have given to myself.
Much as my excitement over my birthday has dwindled, there are individuals who stand out each year, who remind me that my birthday remains an occasion worth looking forward to. This year, there were a few friends who each made time to be with me recently, pampering me with dinner treats, presents as well as their company. Through them, I saw how having little expectations of my birthday wasn't a bad thing. My friends’ gestures, be it a present they gave or an SMS they sent, easily triggered a big wave of appreciation and joy. The larger meaning behind their gestures - that they remember and care - was a present more than I can ask for.
My birthday, as with Christmas and New Year, is a time when I find myself looking back as much as I am looking ahead. Each time I reflect on who I am today to who I was yesterday, I’m struck by how so much has changed, and so much hasn't. Much of what I’ve envisioned for myself has still yet to move from imagination to reality. If anything, the idealistic images in my mind can’t be more different from how reality has panned out. I wonder where the drive, purpose and satisfaction in reaching for the seemingly impossible in the past have all gone to. As I thought about my birthday wish this year, greed prevailed over me and I found myself making two - the return of the kind of joy and fulfilment I once felt, and that I’ll be able to do what it takes to bring them back. If my birthday wishes do come true (despite my sharing them here), I know they would be among the best presents I have given to myself.