matters of the heart
In addition to the good times we once shared, the birthdays of those whom I've had feelings for are another item I can't seem to shake off from my mind. Because of these people who were once special, certain dates have since taken on an added significance. I still remember working towards these dates with birthday celebration plans in mind, fussing over presents and designs for the birthday card, in hope that somehow, my feelings would receive reciprocation. In the end, only one let me spend his birthday with me. Looking back now, whether they’d spent their birthday with me or not doesn’t even matter because I’ve come to realise I'm not the one to spend this day with them.
Among this group of people, the birthday of one of them came around three Saturdays ago. Let’s call him Y. As expected, I didn’t forget it was Y’s birthday. What I didn’t expect, however, was how parts of that Saturday evening turned out to mirror the times I had shared with him.
For that evening, I had actually made plans to go out with someone I’ve been talking to for the past few weeks. Watching a movie together at The Cathay was the first instance of history repeating itself. Thankfully, person-wise, he was very different from Y. He was punctual, conversational and accommodating - in short, he was what Y was not.
Following the movie, I brought him to one of my favourite hangout places for dinner. Upon our arrival, we were ushered to a particular corner - amazingly, it was the exact same spot where Y and I had sat during our first meetup. To top it all off, the main course he picked out was the same one that Y ordered the last time round.
The uncanny coincidences aside, I see my agreeing to go out with someone new as turning a new page in matters of the heart. Agreeing to go out with someone new is also an indication that I’m once again ready to welcome people into my life. What endears me to this new someone is his steadfastness, how he holds true to his word and his healthy level of independence. It’s also comforting that his attitude towards me hasn’t changed at all, even after meeting up.
After being mired in an emotional stalemate for too long a time, I’m happy to say that those days of having feelings for Y are but a distant memory now. While I’ll never forget Y, I know I no longer hanker for his affection. I’m glad I now understand and accept that whatever I do for him is pointless.
As I re-visited my previous entries about people that have come and gone, I came across a picture of a pair of movie ticket stubs I had put up. At that time, it was used to symbolise an ending of sorts. Now, more than a year later, I have yet another pair of movie ticket stubs in my hands. While I wish I could say they mark the beginning of something good this time round, I know better than to plunge into optimism prematurely. Will it turn out to be a dream come true or another heartbreak just waiting to happen?
Among this group of people, the birthday of one of them came around three Saturdays ago. Let’s call him Y. As expected, I didn’t forget it was Y’s birthday. What I didn’t expect, however, was how parts of that Saturday evening turned out to mirror the times I had shared with him.
For that evening, I had actually made plans to go out with someone I’ve been talking to for the past few weeks. Watching a movie together at The Cathay was the first instance of history repeating itself. Thankfully, person-wise, he was very different from Y. He was punctual, conversational and accommodating - in short, he was what Y was not.
Following the movie, I brought him to one of my favourite hangout places for dinner. Upon our arrival, we were ushered to a particular corner - amazingly, it was the exact same spot where Y and I had sat during our first meetup. To top it all off, the main course he picked out was the same one that Y ordered the last time round.
The uncanny coincidences aside, I see my agreeing to go out with someone new as turning a new page in matters of the heart. Agreeing to go out with someone new is also an indication that I’m once again ready to welcome people into my life. What endears me to this new someone is his steadfastness, how he holds true to his word and his healthy level of independence. It’s also comforting that his attitude towards me hasn’t changed at all, even after meeting up.
After being mired in an emotional stalemate for too long a time, I’m happy to say that those days of having feelings for Y are but a distant memory now. While I’ll never forget Y, I know I no longer hanker for his affection. I’m glad I now understand and accept that whatever I do for him is pointless.
As I re-visited my previous entries about people that have come and gone, I came across a picture of a pair of movie ticket stubs I had put up. At that time, it was used to symbolise an ending of sorts. Now, more than a year later, I have yet another pair of movie ticket stubs in my hands. While I wish I could say they mark the beginning of something good this time round, I know better than to plunge into optimism prematurely. Will it turn out to be a dream come true or another heartbreak just waiting to happen?