(no subject)
This was okay,hung out at fromms with small that was a good time.
saturday went home and my dad called me and mom was on the other line listening and he asked if would go out to eat with him and my brother,out of nowhere my mom says its my weekend if you remember rightly,and my dad just said oh and hung up.I was so angry and just sad at the same time.I couldnt believe that my mom never hung up the other phone,she sat there and just listened. I couldnt believe that she had to have another control trip and bud in saying its her weekend.I got off the phone and went from the computer room to my room and my mom was in the living room i was so angry and i'll admit i was crying a little.I went to my room slammed the door kinda then stood in the middle of my room turned around and went to the living room again and i was like mom i dont think that was called for,and then i just started straight out balling my eyes out,i mean i havent cried like this in forever.I've hate some hate tears shead before,but these were just a combination. I let loose i told my mom how much i missed my dad and how much i was tired of them putting inbetween eachother and how much all this has bothered me for 8 years.I took me 8 years to finally break down and tell my mom how much all this was just tearin me up.My mom told me that my dad likes to use me as a pawn...how do you take that,how do you take one of your parents telling you that the other uses you...i told her i thought she was wrong and she asked how i could think that,how could i not that? Hes my dad,my dad.I couldnt stop balling.I told her that maybe i was naive in not believing that my dad uses me.I refuse to believe this,hes my dad,dads dont do that..my child hood hero using me,no way. I told her that and she kept insisting that she wa right..i know my dad isnt perfect he does drink a lot and he has spent all of my college funds.You'd think i would have a right to hate him just for those two things.My dads done a lot of things bad that i'll never hold against him,Hes my dad.After all that i just went to my room and cried myself to sleep.How are you supposed to take all that down.Today was weird because my mom and i didnt talk much at all until about 3 when we exchanged some words,my sister called me and tried being the big sister by telling me that she had talked to them both...i just half listened my sister doesnt like my dad at all he adopted her hes not her real dad,she even calls him happy ass i hate it i hate how my sister can pretend to love my dad..maybe she does deep down but when shes around my mom shes always calling him happy ass..it pisses me off i just wanna scream.I'd like to think im more like my brother my sister loves me a lot but my brother just have that bond and so do i and my sis,but its just different.I love them both though.this is all a whole lot of rambling but i needed to type all these thoughts out.I just can't believe my life sometimes,it seems as though i was mistake...which is ironic cause i wasnt suppose to be born anyways im a mistake baby.Worse part about this is knowing that when im 30 my parents probly wont be alive.That's what 12 years or so left...i hate thinking about that too..things are just messed up,i hate bitching and balling so much.
saturday went home and my dad called me and mom was on the other line listening and he asked if would go out to eat with him and my brother,out of nowhere my mom says its my weekend if you remember rightly,and my dad just said oh and hung up.I was so angry and just sad at the same time.I couldnt believe that my mom never hung up the other phone,she sat there and just listened. I couldnt believe that she had to have another control trip and bud in saying its her weekend.I got off the phone and went from the computer room to my room and my mom was in the living room i was so angry and i'll admit i was crying a little.I went to my room slammed the door kinda then stood in the middle of my room turned around and went to the living room again and i was like mom i dont think that was called for,and then i just started straight out balling my eyes out,i mean i havent cried like this in forever.I've hate some hate tears shead before,but these were just a combination. I let loose i told my mom how much i missed my dad and how much i was tired of them putting inbetween eachother and how much all this has bothered me for 8 years.I took me 8 years to finally break down and tell my mom how much all this was just tearin me up.My mom told me that my dad likes to use me as a pawn...how do you take that,how do you take one of your parents telling you that the other uses you...i told her i thought she was wrong and she asked how i could think that,how could i not that? Hes my dad,my dad.I couldnt stop balling.I told her that maybe i was naive in not believing that my dad uses me.I refuse to believe this,hes my dad,dads dont do that..my child hood hero using me,no way. I told her that and she kept insisting that she wa right..i know my dad isnt perfect he does drink a lot and he has spent all of my college funds.You'd think i would have a right to hate him just for those two things.My dads done a lot of things bad that i'll never hold against him,Hes my dad.After all that i just went to my room and cried myself to sleep.How are you supposed to take all that down.Today was weird because my mom and i didnt talk much at all until about 3 when we exchanged some words,my sister called me and tried being the big sister by telling me that she had talked to them both...i just half listened my sister doesnt like my dad at all he adopted her hes not her real dad,she even calls him happy ass i hate it i hate how my sister can pretend to love my dad..maybe she does deep down but when shes around my mom shes always calling him happy ass..it pisses me off i just wanna scream.I'd like to think im more like my brother my sister loves me a lot but my brother just have that bond and so do i and my sis,but its just different.I love them both though.this is all a whole lot of rambling but i needed to type all these thoughts out.I just can't believe my life sometimes,it seems as though i was mistake...which is ironic cause i wasnt suppose to be born anyways im a mistake baby.Worse part about this is knowing that when im 30 my parents probly wont be alive.That's what 12 years or so left...i hate thinking about that too..things are just messed up,i hate bitching and balling so much.