Inner Dialogue! Have fun!
I'm not 100% who the different voices are but maybe you can try and figure them out?
Hey there guys- so it's me, Bevin. Me and my two or three other voices will be narrating this particular piece. So, you ready? Here goes.
So, I hate bothering people, or even feel like I could possibly be bothering people.
People such as....
Eryn, you dumbass.
Right, I just wanted her to say it, jeez.
Guys, relax. Yes, I'm mostly talking about Eryn here.
We knew that, we just wanted to make sure you could say it out loud.
[mutters] Thanks, glad you have so much confidence in me.
Take a deep breathe. Relax. We weren't attacking you.
Whatever.
Anyway, on to the topic at hand. Bothering people, specifically Eryn.
If I may ask you Bevin, she's your girlfriend, your Mistress and your mommy. Which one of those wouldn't give you advice or help you when you needed?
They'd all help me and they all do.....
[sighs] God, I hate my mother.
What'd she do now?
Eh, same old crap. Worrying about me and being like “Your my best girl.” The usual shit she pulls to make herself feel like a good mother.
God that woman gets me so pissed sometimes. I will never forgive her for some of the stuff she's said to you Bevin.
Remind me of the ultra bad/stupid things, I might not have been there.
Oh yeah, you were off in your own little fantasy land, thinking about Evon.
Shut up! She's pretty, leave me alone.
Hey, guys, can we focus please?
Right, sorry Bev. But to quickly recap, we had initial reaction to Bevin's bisexuality.
I remember that one pretty damn clearly. That was seriously messed up.
There's no need to tell me.
Then there was all the crap about Taylor.
Oh brother. Yeah, Taylor has her issues, her seriously fucked up issues and it just took a while for Bevin to realize that she was basically nuts.
But she wasn't what my mom said she was.
I know, I know and I agree. Yes, she's a bit off her rocker, but who isn't these days?
Exactly.
Then there was Brandon and Gracie.
Save us. Your mother is such a bitch Bevin. I can't believe the shit that comes out of her mouth.
Not to mention the “Our kind of people don't cut.”
Fucking cunt.
Whoa. Never thought I'd hear that from you.
Sorry. That fucking pissed me off. I cut myself and I'm basically the same as Bevin. Upper middle class, Caucasian, female. I wanted to stab her eyeballs out when she said that.
I know. [sighs]
And now she's pulling the “oh i'm such a great mother, look at me.” stunt. Which you're of course not falling for, right Bevin?
Of course not. I know better than to take 99% of everything she says seriously.
Good.
So, now, back to the original topic. Question for you, Bevin.
Shoot.
Can you bother your dad?
Not easily no.....
Any particular reason?
[The other two look at him like he'd been living on the moon for most of Bevin's life.]
What?
Have you been paying attention at all???
Yes, as a matter of fact I have.
[says in soft voice] Well, not closely enough.
Geez guys, fine. Don't tell me. I'll go daydream about Evon some more.
DON'T MOVE.
[Bevin raises her eyebrows]
You will stay right here mister. Bevin needs us and I'm not just about to walk away.
Well, it's not like she's not used to people walking out on her.
I cannot believe you. How dare you.
[peeks head in on Bevin's shoulder]
Does he realize that you're sitting right here?
Probably not. He gets like this. He'll apologize in a few hours. I just have to hear it.
You shouldn't have to.
I know, but, whatever.
You can't take that Bevin. He's being a bastard. Call him out on it.
What's the point?
Your dignity. Your self-respect. Your self-confidence. Pick one.
[sighs] Fine.
Hey, Matchye. Do you mind not bad mouthing me when I'm sitting right here? I'd very much appreciate it.
Oh damn, sorry. Um...sorry Bevin.
Alright. No problem. Can we return to the topic once again?
Sounds good.
Fine with me.
So, can someone kindly let me know why Bevin can't talk to her dad about stuff?
Because everything she tells him gets told to her mom.
Ah. yes, alright.
And you can see why that's a problem, yes?
Yes, definitely.
So, with that said, I'm guessing no one knows about Eryn.
[sighs] I wish they did. I want so badly to tell them. I was going to this morning but I never got a chance.
What would you tell them?
That I have a girlfriend.
That's a good way to go about it in the beginning.
Right, because they probably don't need to know that she spends most of her time naked at Eryn's apartment.
Or that she still has a penis.
Thanks for pointing out the obvious so bluntly.
No problem!
[laughs softly] So yeah, I know I'll get up the courage to mention her over Winter Break. I mean, I just need an opportunity to be like “Oh yeah, me and my girlfriend did that” or something like that.
Agreed. That shouldn't be that hard.
Yeah, but what will be hard is answering the question of “Why does she look masculine?” because we all know for a fact that she will say something a long those lines, but probably much harsher.
I know. And that's what sucked. She hated Taylor and didn't even know we were dating. I don't need her hating Eryn too. Because she's going to meet Eryn. And she's going to have to accept her, no matter what. I'm 18, she can't say shit and she definitely can't tell me not to go see her.
Good for you, Bevin!
Thanks Maeread. [smiles] Plus, I know if she ever thought of getting my debit card cancelled, she would ask my dad to do that. He'd never do it. He'd go to the bank and probably put in another 50 bucks.
Your dad is amazing.
I love him so much.
You don't love your mom?
Eh, I like her a lot. And yes, I love her, but not as strongly as I love my dad. Never as strong as that.
Understood.
Haha, wow.
[Heads turn] What?
I thought Adelaide was on this train.
Wow, that'd be really cool if he was.
He's so cute!
[Heads turn again] What???
Erm...never mind, anyway, back to Bevin.
R-right....
So, can you tell us a tiny bit more about why you don't like your mom so much?
Guys, we've been through this. You've seen her. You've heard her say the things she says to me. You are all in my head after all.
Damn, you're right. Sorry hun.
It's fine.
Part of me really really wants that to be Adelaide.
FOCUS PLEASE.
Ow! Sorry....
Alright, so far we know that your mom's a bitch. Your dad's awesome but you can't talk to him and you hate bothering people.
Yep, that's the gist of it.
Do you think this hesitancy to tell Eryn things stems from the fact that you always kept your feelings about your mom hidden when you were younger?
Yeah, I know that's part of it. And I hated going to my dad and brother and asking for things because I knew they were pre-occupied with other things.
Yeah, I've noticed you ask your dad for the simplest things.
And then he gets mad at me for that, telling me I don't have to ask for it.
And that just confuses and frustrates you more.
Yep.
That's tough.
But you know that Eryn's there for you whenever you need her, just like last night.
Yeah, but....
You felt really crappy texting her at two in the morning.
Exactly! She doesn't need to deal with my shit that early in the morning. She doesn't need to deal with my shit period....
Okay, stop right there.
Okay...
Listen to me.
And me.
And me.
I'm listening guys.
Good. Now, remember how we established that she's your girlfriend, your Mistress and your mommy?
Yes....
Well, what are you?
What do you mean?
What are you to her?
Her girlfriend, her pet and her daughter.
And you want her to go to you when she's having a problem, correct?
Yes.
So then do the same for her. She wants to help you. You want to help her. You need to help each other and that only works if you're both willing to open up and identify when you have a problem/issue/concern/feeling.
I get what you're saying and I agree 100% but.....
It's still hard for you.
Mmmhmm.
Do you remember how hard it was for her to open up to you for the first time? To cry in front of you?
Y-yeah.....
You can't act as if that's insignificant. It took a lot for her to do that.
So, in return, I have to open up and be honest about the problems I'm having.
Yep.
You hit the nail on the head.
You can't keep feeling like you're constantly bothering her if you text her saying that you need her. She's there for you. She's going to be there for you. And if she can't respond at that very moment, she will eventually. She told you that herself.
What she said.
Way to help out dude.
You're the talkative one!
Yeah, and you're the absentminded one.
Whatever, I came from her head, I have to be one part of her mind!
Good point.
Anyway. Do you at least see what I'm getting at?
Yeah, I do.
Good, I just ask you to take it to heart, please.
I will try.
You've been doing your daily blogging?
Ehhh...kinda.....
Which means no.
[sighs] Leave me alone.
No.
No.
No.
Figured you would say that.
You have to keep doing that!
I know, I know.....I just don't want to depress her. Especially since we're not seeing each other til like mid-January.
That's rough. I'm really sorry hun.
Please don't remind me about it.
Sorry.
And DON'T say things will be okay.
O-okay....
Thanks for your advice and your listening ears guys. You really helped a lot.
No problem!
Of course!
We're always here for you!
Of course we are, we're in her head, smarty pants.
You know what I mean!
Bye guys!
Bye!
Ciao!
Aloha!
Hey there guys- so it's me, Bevin. Me and my two or three other voices will be narrating this particular piece. So, you ready? Here goes.
So, I hate bothering people, or even feel like I could possibly be bothering people.
People such as....
Eryn, you dumbass.
Right, I just wanted her to say it, jeez.
Guys, relax. Yes, I'm mostly talking about Eryn here.
We knew that, we just wanted to make sure you could say it out loud.
[mutters] Thanks, glad you have so much confidence in me.
Take a deep breathe. Relax. We weren't attacking you.
Whatever.
Anyway, on to the topic at hand. Bothering people, specifically Eryn.
If I may ask you Bevin, she's your girlfriend, your Mistress and your mommy. Which one of those wouldn't give you advice or help you when you needed?
They'd all help me and they all do.....
[sighs] God, I hate my mother.
What'd she do now?
Eh, same old crap. Worrying about me and being like “Your my best girl.” The usual shit she pulls to make herself feel like a good mother.
God that woman gets me so pissed sometimes. I will never forgive her for some of the stuff she's said to you Bevin.
Remind me of the ultra bad/stupid things, I might not have been there.
Oh yeah, you were off in your own little fantasy land, thinking about Evon.
Shut up! She's pretty, leave me alone.
Hey, guys, can we focus please?
Right, sorry Bev. But to quickly recap, we had initial reaction to Bevin's bisexuality.
I remember that one pretty damn clearly. That was seriously messed up.
There's no need to tell me.
Then there was all the crap about Taylor.
Oh brother. Yeah, Taylor has her issues, her seriously fucked up issues and it just took a while for Bevin to realize that she was basically nuts.
But she wasn't what my mom said she was.
I know, I know and I agree. Yes, she's a bit off her rocker, but who isn't these days?
Exactly.
Then there was Brandon and Gracie.
Save us. Your mother is such a bitch Bevin. I can't believe the shit that comes out of her mouth.
Not to mention the “Our kind of people don't cut.”
Fucking cunt.
Whoa. Never thought I'd hear that from you.
Sorry. That fucking pissed me off. I cut myself and I'm basically the same as Bevin. Upper middle class, Caucasian, female. I wanted to stab her eyeballs out when she said that.
I know. [sighs]
And now she's pulling the “oh i'm such a great mother, look at me.” stunt. Which you're of course not falling for, right Bevin?
Of course not. I know better than to take 99% of everything she says seriously.
Good.
So, now, back to the original topic. Question for you, Bevin.
Shoot.
Can you bother your dad?
Not easily no.....
Any particular reason?
[The other two look at him like he'd been living on the moon for most of Bevin's life.]
What?
Have you been paying attention at all???
Yes, as a matter of fact I have.
[says in soft voice] Well, not closely enough.
Geez guys, fine. Don't tell me. I'll go daydream about Evon some more.
DON'T MOVE.
[Bevin raises her eyebrows]
You will stay right here mister. Bevin needs us and I'm not just about to walk away.
Well, it's not like she's not used to people walking out on her.
I cannot believe you. How dare you.
[peeks head in on Bevin's shoulder]
Does he realize that you're sitting right here?
Probably not. He gets like this. He'll apologize in a few hours. I just have to hear it.
You shouldn't have to.
I know, but, whatever.
You can't take that Bevin. He's being a bastard. Call him out on it.
What's the point?
Your dignity. Your self-respect. Your self-confidence. Pick one.
[sighs] Fine.
Hey, Matchye. Do you mind not bad mouthing me when I'm sitting right here? I'd very much appreciate it.
Oh damn, sorry. Um...sorry Bevin.
Alright. No problem. Can we return to the topic once again?
Sounds good.
Fine with me.
So, can someone kindly let me know why Bevin can't talk to her dad about stuff?
Because everything she tells him gets told to her mom.
Ah. yes, alright.
And you can see why that's a problem, yes?
Yes, definitely.
So, with that said, I'm guessing no one knows about Eryn.
[sighs] I wish they did. I want so badly to tell them. I was going to this morning but I never got a chance.
What would you tell them?
That I have a girlfriend.
That's a good way to go about it in the beginning.
Right, because they probably don't need to know that she spends most of her time naked at Eryn's apartment.
Or that she still has a penis.
Thanks for pointing out the obvious so bluntly.
No problem!
[laughs softly] So yeah, I know I'll get up the courage to mention her over Winter Break. I mean, I just need an opportunity to be like “Oh yeah, me and my girlfriend did that” or something like that.
Agreed. That shouldn't be that hard.
Yeah, but what will be hard is answering the question of “Why does she look masculine?” because we all know for a fact that she will say something a long those lines, but probably much harsher.
I know. And that's what sucked. She hated Taylor and didn't even know we were dating. I don't need her hating Eryn too. Because she's going to meet Eryn. And she's going to have to accept her, no matter what. I'm 18, she can't say shit and she definitely can't tell me not to go see her.
Good for you, Bevin!
Thanks Maeread. [smiles] Plus, I know if she ever thought of getting my debit card cancelled, she would ask my dad to do that. He'd never do it. He'd go to the bank and probably put in another 50 bucks.
Your dad is amazing.
I love him so much.
You don't love your mom?
Eh, I like her a lot. And yes, I love her, but not as strongly as I love my dad. Never as strong as that.
Understood.
Haha, wow.
[Heads turn] What?
I thought Adelaide was on this train.
Wow, that'd be really cool if he was.
He's so cute!
[Heads turn again] What???
Erm...never mind, anyway, back to Bevin.
R-right....
So, can you tell us a tiny bit more about why you don't like your mom so much?
Guys, we've been through this. You've seen her. You've heard her say the things she says to me. You are all in my head after all.
Damn, you're right. Sorry hun.
It's fine.
Part of me really really wants that to be Adelaide.
FOCUS PLEASE.
Ow! Sorry....
Alright, so far we know that your mom's a bitch. Your dad's awesome but you can't talk to him and you hate bothering people.
Yep, that's the gist of it.
Do you think this hesitancy to tell Eryn things stems from the fact that you always kept your feelings about your mom hidden when you were younger?
Yeah, I know that's part of it. And I hated going to my dad and brother and asking for things because I knew they were pre-occupied with other things.
Yeah, I've noticed you ask your dad for the simplest things.
And then he gets mad at me for that, telling me I don't have to ask for it.
And that just confuses and frustrates you more.
Yep.
That's tough.
But you know that Eryn's there for you whenever you need her, just like last night.
Yeah, but....
You felt really crappy texting her at two in the morning.
Exactly! She doesn't need to deal with my shit that early in the morning. She doesn't need to deal with my shit period....
Okay, stop right there.
Okay...
Listen to me.
And me.
And me.
I'm listening guys.
Good. Now, remember how we established that she's your girlfriend, your Mistress and your mommy?
Yes....
Well, what are you?
What do you mean?
What are you to her?
Her girlfriend, her pet and her daughter.
And you want her to go to you when she's having a problem, correct?
Yes.
So then do the same for her. She wants to help you. You want to help her. You need to help each other and that only works if you're both willing to open up and identify when you have a problem/issue/concern/feeling.
I get what you're saying and I agree 100% but.....
It's still hard for you.
Mmmhmm.
Do you remember how hard it was for her to open up to you for the first time? To cry in front of you?
Y-yeah.....
You can't act as if that's insignificant. It took a lot for her to do that.
So, in return, I have to open up and be honest about the problems I'm having.
Yep.
You hit the nail on the head.
You can't keep feeling like you're constantly bothering her if you text her saying that you need her. She's there for you. She's going to be there for you. And if she can't respond at that very moment, she will eventually. She told you that herself.
What she said.
Way to help out dude.
You're the talkative one!
Yeah, and you're the absentminded one.
Whatever, I came from her head, I have to be one part of her mind!
Good point.
Anyway. Do you at least see what I'm getting at?
Yeah, I do.
Good, I just ask you to take it to heart, please.
I will try.
You've been doing your daily blogging?
Ehhh...kinda.....
Which means no.
[sighs] Leave me alone.
No.
No.
No.
Figured you would say that.
You have to keep doing that!
I know, I know.....I just don't want to depress her. Especially since we're not seeing each other til like mid-January.
That's rough. I'm really sorry hun.
Please don't remind me about it.
Sorry.
And DON'T say things will be okay.
O-okay....
Thanks for your advice and your listening ears guys. You really helped a lot.
No problem!
Of course!
We're always here for you!
Of course we are, we're in her head, smarty pants.
You know what I mean!
Bye guys!
Bye!
Ciao!
Aloha!