Oh emo time. I really didnt miss you.
I am super un-fun-ly depressed.
The last two weeks were amazing. David came to visit for a weekend, caught my cold, got a sinus infection, couldnt go home, got better, and ended up staying for two weeks.
And it was the best.
And now he is gone, and Ive come off the high.
I am very resentful of this long distance shit. I never wanted to do it again.
But who dragged me into it again? This asshole.
And this time its worse because I have this wonderful future taunting me. Graduating, moving in together, grad school.... being fucking together for real. Even dealing with Kitka. I want to come home from school or work and share my day and all that shit. Hear about his day. Make dinner. I want to be domestic!
And that is very hard to do separated by 400 miles and a lack of a kitchen aid in his apartment!
I want to deal with him being an idiot, I want to have french new wave marathons, I want to put up every little stupid thing he does. Because hearing about it over the phone is not enough.
I feel cheated. All the time. Every time we see each other I know in the back of my head how long it is till I have to go home.
And what the fuck? I am not a gooey sickening bullshit kinda chick. But fucking look at me. I have lost my goddamn mind.
And the worst part is I wouldnt mind at all if I could actually partake in it on a regular/all the time and not this semi-regular bullshit.
And so now I am grumpy and pissed off cuz I am emo as hell and some jack ass went to bed early tonight to get up for his stupid internship. And I know I cant blame him for that, and I dont. But I really fucking want to.
And there is just nothing to be done about it. Im gunna be grumpy and emo and pissed off and sad and I guess itll pass as it usually does.
I need school to start again. I need to be engaged and challenged (though not frequent at SFSU it does happen upon occasion, and if for sure is more frequent than at work or at home).
And I need to be familiar with people. And it sucks when the only people I legitimately enjoy associating with live in Tracy, SF, and have lives that keep them busy and not readily available to grace me with their company. I need more Hanhan and Andrew and Karah time.
I need community.
I need to be normal and not sick with gooeyness.
I want to punch him in the face. I hate being frustrated.
At least on Wednesday its vintage formal night at BaGG.
I will be pin curling my hair and wearing a dress with a ton of cleavage. Men will oggle me, and I will refuse their advances and it will make me feel better.
And Karah will be my date in a top hat.
The last two weeks were amazing. David came to visit for a weekend, caught my cold, got a sinus infection, couldnt go home, got better, and ended up staying for two weeks.
And it was the best.
And now he is gone, and Ive come off the high.
I am very resentful of this long distance shit. I never wanted to do it again.
But who dragged me into it again? This asshole.
And this time its worse because I have this wonderful future taunting me. Graduating, moving in together, grad school.... being fucking together for real. Even dealing with Kitka. I want to come home from school or work and share my day and all that shit. Hear about his day. Make dinner. I want to be domestic!
And that is very hard to do separated by 400 miles and a lack of a kitchen aid in his apartment!
I want to deal with him being an idiot, I want to have french new wave marathons, I want to put up every little stupid thing he does. Because hearing about it over the phone is not enough.
I feel cheated. All the time. Every time we see each other I know in the back of my head how long it is till I have to go home.
And what the fuck? I am not a gooey sickening bullshit kinda chick. But fucking look at me. I have lost my goddamn mind.
And the worst part is I wouldnt mind at all if I could actually partake in it on a regular/all the time and not this semi-regular bullshit.
And so now I am grumpy and pissed off cuz I am emo as hell and some jack ass went to bed early tonight to get up for his stupid internship. And I know I cant blame him for that, and I dont. But I really fucking want to.
And there is just nothing to be done about it. Im gunna be grumpy and emo and pissed off and sad and I guess itll pass as it usually does.
I need school to start again. I need to be engaged and challenged (though not frequent at SFSU it does happen upon occasion, and if for sure is more frequent than at work or at home).
And I need to be familiar with people. And it sucks when the only people I legitimately enjoy associating with live in Tracy, SF, and have lives that keep them busy and not readily available to grace me with their company. I need more Hanhan and Andrew and Karah time.
I need community.
I need to be normal and not sick with gooeyness.
I want to punch him in the face. I hate being frustrated.
At least on Wednesday its vintage formal night at BaGG.
I will be pin curling my hair and wearing a dress with a ton of cleavage. Men will oggle me, and I will refuse their advances and it will make me feel better.
And Karah will be my date in a top hat.