Mission Voyager (Part Fifteen)

[soulmatecest]

Part Fifteen
(Jensen)

From all the human behavior Jensen will never be able to understand, this has to be the worst. The most painful one. He doesn’t think he has ever been this confused before, not in the other ten planets he has visited in galaxies older and bigger than the Milky Way.

Jensen thought what real emotional pain felt like after his grandfather died, but not even that can be compared now. Back then they had all been expecting it for a while, his grandfather kept talking to him about it and explaining Jensen why it was time for him to go, why death was not the end but rather the next big step of life. For them, shifters, it was the next trip beyond space.

By the time it happened, Jensen had been ready.

Nothing could have prepared him for Jared’s behavior the days after his birthday.

After they stayed hours out there, parked in the middle of nowhere stargazing while sitting on the roof of his car, Jared had felt asleep leaning on his shoulder. Jensen had carried him off the car, making Jared sit on the passenger seat for them to drive back home. Now Jensen could consider it his home because Jared was there. And even if Jared was fast asleep the entire trip, Jensen made sure to reach over and look for Jared's hand once again, holding it like they have done that entire day, memories of Jared kissing him flashing in his head the two hours Jensen drove in silence.

Human intimacy is better than Jensen imagined, but books have been wrong. It’s not something you share with everybody, not in the way shifters have been trying to do. Jensen doesn’t care for leaning down and pressing a kiss on Alona’s cheek every day he gets to work. He doesn’t want to embrace Danneel in a hug whenever she goes check on him. Jensen doesn’t want to touch anybody but Jared.

Now he understands why Tom only does it with Mike.

You touch the one you love.

Or at least, Jensen does.

They had been back so late that night that Jensen’s street had been completely alone, not a single shifter out and about, which made easier to carry Jared into the house without anybody getting suspicious. For a moment Jensen had the idea of taking Jared into his own room instead, but he thought that he had work early next day and didn’t want to wake Jared up before time, so Jensen turned left on the first door down the hallway to go in Jared’s room.

As expected, Jensen had to wake up only a couple hours after to get ready to go to work. He made himself the strongest cup of coffee he had on Earth so far, cooked Jared's breakfast and left him a quick note telling him Jensen would be back that night after his shift.

On his way out, Jensen had stopped by Jared’s room, leaning into the doorframe and watching him sleep, starting to smile as Jared tossed around and hugged one of the pillows. Months ago Jensen didn’t even know Jared, and now he can imagine living without him.

That day at work everyone comments on how different Jensen seems, lightly teasing him about his change of mood, but Jensen ignores them all, unable to stop smiling to himself, body itching for time to pass faster so he could go back home and-well, they should probably talk first. Jensen had a lot of things to say to Jared, to nobody’s surprise, but this time it had nothing to do with space and the stars. It was all about the two of them.

Then came what Jensen didn’t expect.

As soon as he got home, Jared had started avoiding Jensen’s attempts to get close and talk. Jared tried to act normal, but it was a weird version of their relationship before his birthday. Jared would be around Jensen whenever he was back from work, sitting on the counter reading while Jensen cooked or across from him on the couch as they watched a movie in silence. But he would also leave the room if Jensen tried to talk about anything that wasn’t trivial work chat or the list of repetitive activities Jared did that day at home.

Even worse, Jared would move away if Jensen tried to reach over to touch him. He wouldn’t let Jensen brush his hair nor allow Jensen to slide the tip of his fingertips over his hand.

It provoked a kind of pain Jensen had never experienced before. He didn’t know it was possible to feel physical pain-like someone was digging their nails in the underside of his heart-because of emotional conflicts. No book ever warned him a heartbreak is more than a romantic concept.

Humans are cruel. Jensen thought every now and then, observing his own palm and remembering all the time he and Jared spend holding hands days ago.

But Jared isn’t. Jared is none of the things Jensen ever learned about humans. He’s not evil, violent, selfish or cruel. He wouldn’t inflict this kind of pain in Jensen on purpose. The only logical explanation is that Jensen misinterpreted everything from the beginning. While the human version of intimacy has different connotations for him, it’s something Jared has dealt with all his life. It’s not that special or new for him. All the little things that Jensen had picked as hopeful clues that Jared felt the same way he did could mean absolutely nothing in Jared’s head.

Not even the moment they kissed.

Kissing was common among humans, wasn’t it? Of course. Even bigger levels of intimacy could be performed between strangers who would meet at a bar, spend the night together to then never see each other again. Kissing was nothing. While it represented the first time Jensen ever engaged in any show of romantic feelings in a traditional human way, it was nothing new for Jared. He had kissed others before Jensen and he wasn’t with any of them any longer, was he?

"A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell." Jensen reads in one of the few books about human love he finds in the library after work, barely speaking to Mrs. Ferris, not greeting nor smiling back to any of the shifters who try to talk with him.

Book after book, phrase after phrase. “There’s a weird pleasure in loving someone who doesn’t love you”. They all seem to blend together in Jensen’s head, frustrating him and increasing the physical pain in his chest. “I loved him in the way some people are to be loved - from a distance.”

He doesn’t get it. Jensen doesn’t understand a thing. Human romance seems too complicated, too far way for him to reach with his hand. Jensen can’t do it, he can take all the books left in the world or sit across from Jared in the living room for a lifetime and he will never be able to understand.

Because it’s not a type of love made for him. Jensen can seem like a human, he can lie like a human and try to be a human, but he will never become one.

Jensen thought he could reach the gap between himself and Jared and was almost convinced he had done it the night they got close enough to kiss. But just as it happened many times before when it concerned human behavior and Jared, Jensen was wrong.

Can a shifter fall in love with a human? Yes, absolutely. But the human won’t love him in return. That’s the end of the story.

How ironic that the best feeling in the Universe can wake up all the bad emotions shifters are so scared for. That's what none of them was able to predict once they landed on Earth. What not even Jensen understood until it was too late. All the bad human emotions and behavior that are engraved inside of him by this point didn’t start own their own.

They were all born out of love.

Lying to protect. Jealousy and anger over not being able to have. Greed for desiring what he shouldn’t want. Betrayal of his entire race to remain close to only one human.

Shifters don0t know that what they should be avoiding on Earth is love.

At least if it implicates a human in the equation. Human love is not for Jensen’s kind.

And Jared’s love is not for Jensen. Period.

That night he drives to Tom and Mike’s place after spending a couple hours at the library, frustration and sorrow growing out of control in his system. Going back home to sit and pretend in front of Jared is becoming a daily torture. He drops by their friend’s apartment unannounced, trying to find some answers that books and research couldn’t give him. His friends are surprised to see Jensen appear without the need of a forced invitation, and then confused to hear Jensen ramble about the whole thing without giving many details.

He doesn’t mention Jared’s a human-the key of the problem-but even in this situation he knows it would be stupid to share that little part of the story.

Sadly, they are not much help. They have a shifter conception to form opinions on the whole problem. They don’t get it either. Just like Jensen, they are different, not human enough. They seem more surprised that Jensen has feelings for anyone at all and keep on insisting he should talk to the other shifter. They think Jensen has feelings for one of their own, of course.

That’s probably what’s tipping them off and making the whole thing so confusing: a shifter wouldn’t behave like Jared is doing.

That’s the breaking point, isn’t it? Jared’s not a shifter. Jensen’s not a human. Everything beyond that doesn’t matter.

After leaving Tom and Mike’s place, Jensen decides to drive around, still refusing to go home and play pretend. It hurts too much. He could probably choose to move to another galaxy and it would hurt just as much over there, too. No matter where Jensen does, there it is.

His unrequited love for Jared.

Not even his healer abilities can fix a broken heart.

It’s ironic to think Jensen would always rush back home as soon as work was over, eager to see Jared more than anyone. And now he can’t even bring himself to go home. How could he be so blind for so long? How could Jensen not realize he was falling in love with Jared every day they stayed together? He tried to find excuses to the reasons why he felt the way he did around Jared when the answer was in front of his face the whole time.

His long drive ends taking him nowhere else but the outsides of Dallas once again, not the exact spot he went with Jared for his birthday, yet it's still away from the city and anybody else. Jensen parks his car at one side of the road before getting out, leaning against the door as he looks up at the dark sky.

Watching the stars has always given Jensen some kind of direction, he didn’t lie to Jared then, he truly finds his way whenever he stops and sees all the celestial bodies above him. Maybe that's because it reminds Jensen where he comes from, all that he has learned while traveling the Universe. The stars remind Jensen of his past and have always shown him his future too, because he would always end up somewhere different in space eventually. He thought traveling the Universe would always be his mission in life, exploring all the planets he could possibly visit.

Jensen read that humans tried to do that at their own pace with the limited technology they bad. They built spacecrafts to explore their solar system and called them Voyager, a word that does not exist in shifter language.

Now Jensen knows that a voyager is someone who goes on a long trip, especially if they travel in a ship. The word has usually been assigned to describe explorers who would take a trip to a far away land. A very appropriate name for an object that would travel through space and also an even better word to describe what Jensen thought his life would consist on.

Jensen was a voyager. But he’s not anymore.

Because when he looks at the stars up in the sky he doesn’t see his future anymore. He can’t see himself traveling to another planet. Jensen can’t leave anymore.

He has found his home, and is not Earth. Is Jared.

Jensen looks at the starry sky an even if he still feels the same emotional connection, he can’t find the answers up there any longer. The beauty of the night can’t take the pain of his heart. The stars aren’t the biggest source of light in Jensen’s life any longer.

After a couple minutes, he gets back in his car and drives away, not finding any answers how he expected. Instead, he's feeling even worse than before now that he has realized not even the endless knowledge and peace of the Universe can help him. Nothing in the vastness of life can solve what only one human can fix.

By the time he gets back home and parks in front of his house, is almost two in the morning and the street is a desolated as the night he carried Jared in after they went stargazing together. He sighs, staring ahead at the silent house before finally getting out of the car and dragging his feet to the entry, pushing the door open after unlocking the only house on Earth that needs to be secured from all the shifters outside.

He only gets to step into the dark living room and close the door behind him before feeling two hands grabbing him by his shoulders, pulling him inside violently just as Jensen touches the switch on the wall.

Jensen stumbles forward-almost falling to the floor if it wasn’t for the hands on his shoulders-just as the entire room lights up.

“What the-!”

“Where the fuck have you been!” Jared yells, making Jensen turn his head to look at him, finding Jared only a couple centimeters away from his face, eyes red and thin wet trails all over his cheeks.

Jensen blinks, confused as he stares at Jared, who only grips his shoulders harder.

“Answer me, Jensen!”

“I-I went to the library!” Jensen mumbles, frowning as he sees Jared bite onto his lower lip and angrily fight to hold in his tears. “And then to visit Tom and Mike…later I decided to drive around but…”

“Your shift at the Hospital was over nine hours ago.” Jared whispers, voice shaky. “Nine. Which means you would have usually been back eight hours ago but you weren’t.” He almost sneers, holding onto Jensen’s shoulders so hard his knuckles start to turn white.

“I changed my mind during the day, I didn’t have anything planned-”

“Do you even understand what I have been thinking the last eight fucking hours you were out and about?” Jared shouts, finally letting go of him just to shove Jensen away. “I was losing my mind over the idea of that stupid Security Division taking you away!”

Jensen shakes his head, even more confused than before.

“Why would they-?”

“Oh, I don’t know!” Jared yells again, throwing his arms in the air and then using one of his hands to rub his eyes. “Maybe because you’re illegally keeping a human in your place? Maybe I didn’t do that good on my birthday, maybe someone did pick up that I was acting weird and they called Security to take care of it!”

Jared stops only to take a deep, shaky breath and throw Jensen an angry stare as he blinks and tears keep on falling down his cheeks.

“You told me that if shifters ever caught you helping me they would make you leave Earth.” Jared sniffles, face so full of pain it breaks Jensen’s heart even more. “You said they would make you leave and then they would take me to a Facility. After you were missing for hours I thought-I was almost expecting a Collector to be the one getting in the house to come get me after taking you away.”

To say Jensen feels terribly guilty for not telling Jared that he wouldn’t be back on time is an understatement. In all honestly, it didn’t ever occur to him with their current situation. They barely speak to pretend everything is okay. Jensen didn’t think that calling Jared to tell him he was having an existential crisis because of him was something he should do.

Yet, there’s something that Jensen can’t help focusing on.

“You thought Collectors were coming to get you.” Jensen repeats, an idea that makes him feel really strange in the back of his head, fingers twitching. “And yet…you didn’t leave? Why didn’t you escape?”

Jared looks down, crying silently only a couple steps away from Jensen.

Jensen wants to reach over and hold Jared’s face to make him stop crying, but he won’t touch Jared when he doesn’t want to be touched by Jensen anymore. Jensen won’t do anything Jared doesn’t want him to.

“Why do you think?” Jared finally whispers, looking up at Jensen as he steps close, raising one hand to leave it over Jensen’s chest, right over his beating heart. Jared closes his fist around the fabric of Jensen’s shirt, holding onto it. “I was worried about you.”

“Why?”

“Was me kissing you days ago not enough to make you understand?”

Jensen holds his breath as soon as he hears Jared bring it up, using his right hand to press Jared’s fist against his chest.

“But you started avoiding me all these days, Jared. I was sure you were trying to make me understand I should forget about it.”

“No.” Jared whispers, shaking his head slowly. “I don’t want you to forget the kiss. I don’t want you to forget about us.” He grips into Jensen’s shirt again and Jensen holds onto his hand in response. “And I don’t want you to forget about me when you leave.”

“Leave?”

Jared makes eye content once again, tears rolling down the curve of his nose and cheeks.

“Promise me you won’t forget me when you leave Earth.”

It makes absolutely no sense. Jared doesn’t know what Jared is talking about and the way he keeps holding on and crying is driving Jensen out of his mind. Jensen never wants to be the reason why Jared suffers. He never wants to make Jared cry.

He moves his hand away from Jared’s, just so he can cup his face and clean the tears with both thumbs. Jared sobs as soon as Jensen’s hands touch his skin.

“Jared, please, stop crying. What are you talking about?” Jensen mumbles, desperate from seeing him like this. “I’m not going anywhere! I’m not leaving.”

“Maybe not now, but someday you will. In months, or even years. You’re a shifter.” Jared whispers, crying in Jensen’s hands. “You’ll eventually go to another planet, morph into another body, and I won’t be able to go with you.”

It makes Jensen stop trying to make Jared calm down, his explanation making the constant pain inside of him multiple a hundred times, the idea of leaving Jared behind practically unthinkable.

“That’s what I thought after I woke up the next morning.” Jared sniffs, looking down once again. “I was so stupid happy thinking that you liked me back after I had months dying to tell you. But then I realized how unreasonable I was because…I’m a human.”

“So what?” Jensen snaps, making Jared look up at him. “I don’t care that you’re a human.”

“I can’t be your partner, Jensen.” Jared mumbles sadly. “I can’t live as long as you, I can’t travel the space to go together anywhere just like you say life partners do. I can’t even leave this house so we go on dates. You can’t introduce me to your two best friends.”

Jensen keeps on shaking his head, cleaning Jared’s tears repeatedly while moving even close to Jared and mumbling “I don’t care, I don’t care about any of that.”

“And is not only that. I mean, look at me!” Jared brings the hand he had on Jensen’s chest, leaving it on his cheek, making Jensen leaning into it immediately, looking at Jared desperately. “I’m no competition to any other shifter. I’m full of the bad things you guys fear. I’m not perfect, I’m not pure nor good like you are.”

Jared slides his fingertips over Jensen’s lower lip, tilting his head to the right so he can lean into Jensen’s hand on his face.

“I’m just a human.”

Jensen lets out what’s almost a relieved laugh, shaking his head right before he lets go of Jared’s head and takes him by his shoulders, backing him up until he’s pressing Jared to the wall behind them.

“Jared, you’re not just a human.” Jensen whispers, pressing their foreheads together as he strokes one his cheeks. Jensen smiles then, and he knows he can feel the smile now. He feels it every single time he looks at Jared. “You’re my human. And I’m not going anywhere without you.”

And just to make sure he puts his point across, Jensen shows with actions what he can’t make Jared understand with words by kissing him.

Jensen is pleased to feel Jared kissing him back instantly, pain in his chest disappearing.

If the reason why Jared tried pretend nothing happens is because he’s afraid Jensen will leave, he’s going to show Jared there’s nowhere he would rather be that here on Earth with him. Jensen will prove it to him every single day if he has to.

Jared pulls back after a moment so he can breathe, making sure to keep their foreheads pressed together as he moves his hands up to stroke Jensen’s hair. Jensen doesn't even want to blink, not wanting to miss any of Jared's reactions. The way his cheeks are turning red and his eyelids keep on fluttering as he tries to catch his breath. No matter what Jared does, he always looks beautiful. Nothing else Jensen has seen could compare.

“Only two kisses and you’re getting better?” Jared whispers, brushing their lips together but then pulling away when Jensen tries to kiss him once more. “You better not be practicing with anybody else.”

Jensen smiles instantly, letting go of Jared’s shoulders so he can slide his hands down his forearms and then around his waist, pulling him in closer.

“Have you met me? I only want to try everything with you.”

Jared licks his lower lip, smirking at Jensen in return, which makes an endearing view considering Jared’s eyes are still watery and his nose red from crying.

“Good. Then maybe we should make you try all the intimate human actives you have never done before.” Jared links his hands behind Jensen’s neck and brushes their lips once again as he speaks. “It could help with your healer research.”

It takes Jensen ten whole seconds to understand what Jared actually means. He stops trying to chase after Jared’s lips and snaps his eyes up to meet with Jared’s, feeling like someone just punched the air out of him.

Jared bites his lower lip and raises both eyebrows, shrugging a little in response.

“Wait. Jared, did you mean-”

“Yes, you know exactly what I mean. For once in your life stop studying every single thing I say and act on it instead.” Jared whispers, using his hold on Jensen’s neck to pull him down to both make Jensen kiss him and stop talking. Jensen loses all resolution to complain when he feels Jared’s tongue brushing along his lips so Jensen will open his mouth and they can start to make out properly.

The sensation is a bit strange at first, but as Jensen said, he’s open to try anything Jared wants to teach him. Especially anything that has to do with physical interaction. Jared had been quite right about jerking off, was he not? He clearly knows what he's doing here.

Jared sets the pace of the kiss, slow and moderated, trying to make Jensen get a hang of how he’s supposed to move his tongue along with Jared’s. All while stroking Jensen’s hair with his fingers. Jensen doesn’t know if he’s doing a particularly good job himself, but the more they make out, the more he’s starts to enjoy it. It still has a weird sensation, the feeling of their tongues curling together, but he also understands the appealing of it. He huffs, out of breath, hugging Jared close as he licks into his mouth and gets a little moan out of Jared in return. Good. Maybe Jensen doesn’t suck so much at this.

But he’ll be happy to get more lessons anyway.

Jared is the one pulling away once again, causing Jensen to groan a wordless complain and try to chase after Jared’s lips. Jared laughs, brushing Jensen’s nose with his own-almost like he’s nuzzling him-just as Jensen frowns.

“Will you stop doing that? I’m trying to learn properly but I can’t do it if you keep moving away.”

“Bossy, aren’t you?” Jared snickers, moving his right hand from behind Jensen’s neck to clean some of the spit on Jensen’s lower lip. “I like that.”

Something changes in the way Jared is looking at him when he says that and Jensen presses him back onto the wall as pure instinct, pleased to see Jared cling to him in return and nod repeatedly.

“Yes, that’s exactly what I mean.”

“Good. Seems like I’m a fast learner.” Jensen smiles smugly before leaning down, but this time he goes past Jared’s lips so he can press his lips against his neck instead, starting to kiss down his pulse. Jared squirms in his arms as soon as Jensen starts, and for some reason Jensen’s doesn’t quite understand, it makes his ego grow internally.

He likes making Jared react like this, Jensen wants to make him keep doing that.

Jensen’s medical knowledge is what helps him understand why touching certain parts of the human body feels good. The sensitivity all over the skin is high, and there are specific points where such feeling multiples thanks to higher blood pleasure or nervous endings. The neck, for example, Jensen thinks as he stops kissing down Jared’s skin for a second just to lick it instead. Jared tenses up and lets out another strangled moan.

More, more, more. It’s all Jensen can think in his head as he licks all the way down to Jared’s collarbone, leaving a wet trail of spit behind. More of Jared reacting to Jensen’s touch. More of him making those pleased sounds. More of the salty taste of Jared’s skin on his tongue. Jensen will lick every inch of his body if Jared allows it.

Jensen knows about sex just for the same reasons he knows all the other details about the human body. It all comes from research. But of course his knowledge is mostly about the basic steps, he doesn’t know it like Jared, who understands it as more than a definition in a dictionary. Jensen knows that reading about heart surgery is not the same as performing one.

Yet he guesses he can apply the few things he learned from the books.

Jensen moves back up on Jared’s neck, kissing over one of the beauty marks on the skin. He really loves Jared’s moles. Jensen kisses it once, twice. Three times. And one second later, he bites carefully on the skin, starting to suck around it to bust the small superficial vessels under the skin. A love bite, if Jensen remembers correctly.

Jared, on his part, throws his head back and moans harder that he has done so far as soon as Jensen starts to nibble a suck on the skin of his neck. Once Jensen thinks he’s done, he pulls back, watching his masterpiece proudly. Jared’s neck has a dark red circle on his skin now, which will probably get even darker as time passes.

“Jesus, you even know about giving hickeys?” Jared breaths out, moving one hand up to touch his neck. Jensen smiles proudly. “Do you know you usually give them to someone to mark them up? Like a prove that you were there and others will know what you did.”

That part Jensen did not know. His smile grows as he watches Jared touch his neck. Logically nobody will really see Jared since he’s hiding most of the time, but it doesn’t matter. The possessive concept behind it is more than enough.

“Then I should give you many more.” Jensen announces, leaning down to kiss the other side of Jared’s neck as Jared laughs and hugs him back in return, throwing his head back to give Jensen more space to work.

In between making out, hickeys and learning that Jared seems to like the biting part of the process, they end stumbling into Jensen’s room. Jensen is discovering that keeping up with time and space is really hard once he has his hands and mouth all over Jared. It could have been two minutes or two hours since they started and he wouldn’t be able to tell. The entire Universe stopped existing as soon as Jensen could kiss Jared again.

By this point, Jared is done letting Jensen get all the fun, already unbuttoning Jensen’s shirt as they go into his room, kissing a little bit more desperately than before. Jensen gets rid of the shirt as soon as Jared is done opening it, throwing it to the floor. Jared slides his hands up and down Jensen’s chest, licking his lips while staring at him in a way that makes Jensen’s dick start to harden in his pants.

“So, did you try at all what I told you?” Jared inquires with a little smile, pushing Jensen so he will lose his balance and fall back onto the bed. Jared moves close until he’s crawling onto the bed as well, sitting on Jensen’s lap. “Did you enjoy the best thing about the human body?”

Jensen grabs one of Jared’s wrists, bringing up to his mouth so he can kiss the inside of his palm, nodding along while he looks at Jared in the eye.

“Only felt good when I thought about you.”

Jared falls silent at that, eyes a little wide. Jensen wonders if maybe that’s wrong, if it’s inappropriate to tell that to Jared or to even do it in the first place. Maybe he shouldn't have the image of Jared in his head every time he gets off. It's true that the process only feels really pleasant whenever Jensen thinks of Jared. And by now Jensen has gone as far as to not only imagine Jared’s smile or think of his voice, but also fantasize about Jared touching him back, wrapping his fingers around Jensen’s dick and getting him off.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Jared breaths out, moving on his lap to straddle Jensen instead and lean down so they are face to face. “You say you haven’t done this before but that’s-fuck, that’s so hot.” Jared mumbles against Jensen’s lips. “Tell me what you thought about, please.”

Jensen is glad to hear Jared finds his fantasies hot rather than weird, and he’s sure he won’t be able to deny Jared anything at this point. Not with Jensen half-naked, half-hard and with Jared sitting on his lap.

“At first it was just your face. How you look when you smile or when you’re happy. That made me hard the first time I tried it.” Jensen explains and Jared whines softly against his lips, nodding along as he starts to kiss Jensen’s neck, encouraging him to keep going. “But then thinking of you with me, you touching me. It made everything feel so much better.”

Jared bites down onto Jensen’s neck in that moment, pulling a pleased groan out of him. It hurts but also feels good. Jared kisses over the same spot a couple times, wanting to make the light pain go away before he moves up, going all the way to Jensen’s left ear.

“You got a taste of how jerking off felt like. All while thinking about me.” Jared whispers, licking around Jensen’s earlobe. Jensen grabs onto Jared’s hips instantly, holding him in place and nodding. “Let me show what comes next.”

Jensen has no clarity of what Jared means or what he’s doing when he sits up again. It's not until Jared is kissing down Jensen's stomach while opening his pants and pulling down the zipper that Jensen thinks he gets the idea.

Again, it all comes from basic information and this part wasn’t detailed at all. Just one word as the definition and it didn’t tell Jensen much, but it seems like he’s about to get the real meaning of what his anatomy book described as fellatio.

“Jared.” Jensen breathes out, looking down and brushing Jared’s hair out of face while Jared keeps on gown lower and lower with his kisses, pulling down Jensen’s pants and leaving him only in his underwear. Jensen is hard by this point, bulge obvious now that Jared’s face is almost pressed into his crotch. All Jensen knows is that the whole thing is insanely arousing. Humans really knew what they were doing once they added all these steps to sex. “Are you going to-”

“No talking.” Jared whispers, bringing one finger up to his lips while making a shushing sound. Jared's face is still red but Jensen assumes is for a different reason and not because of the previous crying anymore. “I can’t answer with my mouth full.”

Full of what? Is all Jensen can bring himself to think, not keeping up with the human references or sex talk, but all coherent thinking shoots right out of his head once Jared rubs his dick over the fabric of his boxers. Jensen moans out loud, throwing his head back and taking a fist full of Jared’s hair as an immediate reaction. Sure, Jensen had lots of times to practice jerking off on his own but someone else touching him feels ten times better.

Jared only teases Jensen by touching and rubbing him over his underwear for so long-making Jensen reconsider if he ever felt pleasure before in his life and all of his bodies before-finally looping his fingers on the elastic of the boxers and pulling them all the way down. Jensen blinks up, head still dizzy with what’s going on, yet Jared’s silence and lack of reaction make Jensen push himself up on his elbows and look at him.

All Jared is doing is kneel in between Jensen’s legs-after getting off of his lap at some point, Jensen was too distracted by everything to really notice-while staring at Jensen’s hard cock curving up against his belly.

Nudity is different for humans, it’s a big deal. Jensen has lived among species that don’t use such things as clothes or anything of the sort. It's something cultural and Jensen understands that, so he doesn’t particularly minds being fully naked in front of Jared.

And then, all Jared does is lick his lower lip slowly, face turning so red even the tip of his ears seem to color.

“It’s just-” Jared mumbles when notices that Jensen is looking back at him. “S-Seems like your human body is very well proportioned.” He nods, and bites his lips again. “Good to know.”

Jensen is amazed of how easily something like that can make his ego fly to the skies at the speed of light, a smug smirk appearing on his face immediately.

But once again, all coherent thought leaves his mind as soon as Jared wraps his hand around the base of his dick and then puts his lips on the head. The sensation is something Jensen can’t bring himself to describe, groaning out Jared’s name. Humans are really creative for sex. Amazing creative, in Jensen’s opinion.

Jared takes his time doing it, showing Jensen what he can do and how it feels. He jerks him off with one hand while licking and sucking around the head of Jensen's dick, catching drops of pre-come with the tip of his tongue. Then, he slowly moves his hand away and only uses his mouth, licking up and down and then wrapping his mouth around the head, fitting more and more of it inside his mouth every time Jared bobs his head down.

Jensen, on his part, is a mess. The warm, soft feeling around his dick might drive him insane. It's too much, too good, like every single part of his body is burning but the fire it brings feels agonizingly good.

Not to mention that the visual of looking down and finding Jared with his mouth wrapped around his dick has to be the hottest thing Jensen has ever seen. He moans and pulls Jared’s hair in response, who also moans around his dick, vibrations making Jensen almost think that it's too much to handle.

“J-Jared.” Jensen groans, breathing so hard he thinks is a miracle Jared can understand him at all. “Jared. Stop. It feels-oh fuck.” Jensen curses, trying to find some self-control. He needs Jared to pull off now. “Jared, Jay. Come on…”

He thinks that Jared should understand, get what Jensen means by "stop". Jensen had enough practice on his own to know by now that the growing pleasure in the base of his stomach is a big warning that’s he’s about to come, and it can get messy if Jared is-well, doing what he’s currently doing when it happens.

Instead of pulling off like Jensen hoped Jared would, all he does in response to Jensen’s pathetic pleas is look up at him-with his mouth full of Jensen’s dick, now he gets what it meant-and then takes another inch in, using his tongue on the underside of Jensen’s dick, moaning softly as he does so.

It’s the last little push Jensen can stand. Jared moaning while sucking him off, like he’s enjoying it just as much as Jensen. It’s like his mind is melting, overthrown by all the sensations Jared wakes up with him, something Jensen has never experienced before and doesn’t know how to control. He comes with a new moan of Jared’s name, hands fisted in Jared’s hair while raising his hips to meet Jared’s mouth.

And maybe the biggest surprise is not feeling Jared pulling off and coughing, leaving Jensen’s apology hanging in the tip of mouth. Because instead of pulling off to spit, Jensen can feel Jared swallowing around him.

“Oh my-!” Jensen groans, looking down at Jared while breathing hard, watching him finally pull off and clean some of Jensen’s come from his lower lip, breathing even harder than Jensen is. Best damn view Jensen ever had in his life. “Jay. You’re going to kill me.”

Jared looks up, face so red it might be heating up the entire room, and then gives Jensen a little smile. His hair is a mess thanks to Jensen pulling and stroking it the entire time Jared was on his knees. It makes Jensen want to lean down and kiss him more than ever.

But Jensen doesn’t have to go to Jared, because he moves close to lay down on the bed next to Jensen, cupping his face and pressing a deep kiss on his lips. Jensen kisses him back instantly, hungry to taste Jared’s lips and tongue after what he just did. Jared moans into the kiss, happy to comply and opening his mouth for Jensen’s tongue.

“I thought about you too.” Jared mumbles between kisses, pressing his forehead to Jensen’s like before. “That time you walked in the bathroom? I was thinking about you. Had been for weeks.”

The dizziness provoked by the best orgasm Jensen has had so far seems to snap out of him when he hears Jared speak, a warm sensation taking over him. He gets on top of Jared and pushes him against the mattress before he realizes what he’s doing, leaving Jared’s wrists pinned down as Jensen looks at him, heart beating hard in his ears.

“You thought…” Jensen whispers, awe in his voice as he lets go of one of Jared’s wrist to stroke his cheek. Jensen can feel his dick twitch, trying to get hard again, but he knows it’s too soon. He just came some minutes ago. “…about me?”

The idea might keep Jensen with a silly smile on his face forever.

Jared nods, skin brushing Jensen hands as he does so, and Jensen loses all little self-restraint he had up until then. He is kissing Jared a second later, biting and sucking onto his lower lip, hands all over Jared’s chest, sliding them under Jared's shirt so Jensen can directly touch on his skin. It feels soft and warm under his fingertips and Jensen wants nothing more than leaning in and kissing every single inch.

Jensen presses his mouth to the side of Jared’s face, close to his ear, talking as he starts undressing him.

“What did you think about?” Jensen mumbles, helping Jared get rid of his shirt. “Jay. What did I do to you when you touched yourself?”

Jared moans, louder than before, hooking one leg around Jensen and rubbing himself up against him. Jared's hard, of course, unlike Jensen he hasn’t been able to get any release yet.

“Fucking shit. When did you learn dirty talk?”

Jensen blinks, confused, looking down at Jared with a frown.

“Dirty talk?”

Jared covers his face with one hand, shaking his head. “You’re doing it without realizing it. And you say I’m going to kill you.”

Jensen supposed he can ask later. Right now it's not the time for questions. What he wants now is to get his hands all over Jared and put all his clothes away. What matters is that Jared is enjoying it, so Jensen keeps on doing the same. He kisses Jared in between asking all the details about what Jared would think about, what Jensen would do in Jared's head while Jared would jerk off.

Jensen wants to know it all so he can do it to Jared for real.

He has to move Jared’s leg from around his waist just so Jensen can take his pants off, kissing the inside of Jared’s calves as he rubs his hips too.

Jensen’s in the middle of kissing down Jared’s chest, licking over his nipples and feeling them harden against his lips, when Jared suddenly puts his hand on Jensen’s chest, pushing him off him and breathing out “Oh, shit! I forgot! Be right back.” Jensen blinks, watching Jared get out of the bed and sprint out of the room.

What the hell just happened? One second he was making Jared moan and squirm under him and the next Jensen can only see a quick flash of Jared’s attractive ass still wrapped in his black boxers, running out of the room.

“Jared!” Jensen calls out, feeling quite stupid lying alone in bed with a new hard-on and Jared away from him.

“Coming!” Jared yells back from somewhere in the house. ‘Well, you should be’ Jensen thinks, lying on his side, waiting. But Jensen can’t really make that coming happen with Jared leaving without any explanation.

Jared runs back in the room in less than a minute, throwing Jensen something he catches mid-air, examining up close just to find he’s holding a bottle of lube. Jared crawls back on the bed to lay by his side like before, watching Jensen with a smile.

“You do know we need it, right?” Jared teases, nudging him with his elbow. “I ordered it online some months back when you let me start buying things with your laptop.” He explains before Jensen can begin to ask. “Getting off dry is not that fun.”

Jensen chuckles, pushing Jared away playfully.

“Yes. I do know.” He’s a little embarrassed to admit, but since the first night he got off thinking about Jared, he has done some research about sex. Between two guys. How’s supposed to work, what they have to do, the preparation, things that are supposed to feel good. All theoretical, but it was something.

Jensen guesses he was just wishful thinking when he did that research.

“Oh, you do?” Jared arches an eyebrow, amused. “Got yourself a gay porn guide? Do you even know what to do to make me come?”

He starts laughing as Jensen rolls them over the bed, pinning Jared down once again while digging his fingers into Jared’s sides, making him laugh harder.

“I probably know more about it than you do by now, this is all anatomy knowledge, smartass.” Jensen mumbles against Jared's neck, biting over the hickey. “Did your stupid ex-boyfriend Stefan even know how to give you a proper orgasm?”

Jared doesn’t get time to answer, yet he seems amused for a second before throwing his head back and moaning Jensen’s name as he starts to rub Jared’s dick over his underwear.

When Jensen finally gets around having Jared completely naked under him, he finds himself thinking different than he did earlier, stopping for only a moment so he can stare at Jared. He’s beautiful. The curve of his muscles, the color of his skin, the moles Jensen keeps finding everywhere-like the inside of Jared’s thighs or next to his belly button. Jared’s beautiful from head to toe. The most breathtaking sight, even comparable to the thousand starry skies out there.

Nothing can be compared to this, Jared blushing and looking back at Jensen while completely naked and only his.

And while Jensen knows the theory, he follows Jared’s instructions when it comes to open him up, using maybe too much lube, but wanting to be sure he’s not going to hurt Jared at any moment. He takes his time fingering Jared, enjoying the way Jared moans and tries to make sense while asking Jensen to add another finger in. It only takes Jensen the appropriate twist to find the right angle for him to touch the exact spot he read about, the one that has Jared clawing Jensen’s elbow and repeating his name so much it seems like Jared could come just like this. With three of Jensen’s fingers inside of him and Jensen’s name on his lips.

“No more, Jensen, please.” Jared breaths out, grabbing his arm while trying to catch his breath. “I want you in me. Now.”

Is hard to pretend that Jensen couldn’t come just from hearing Jared say that. “How’s bossy now?”

“Shut up and just give it to me, you silly alien.”

It's hard to resist going all the way in as soon as Jensen positions himself on top of Jared and between his legs, making sure to stroke his dick while his hand is still covered in lube to make the process a little easier. Jensen goes slow anyway, because both literature and Jared say that getting used to the sensation is not easy at first. So Jensen takes his time, just as he did before, he has no trouble waiting if it will make Jared feel better.

And if Jensen thought that Jared’s mouth around his cock was the best he could possibly feel, he had another thing coming.

Jared feels warm and tight around him as Jensen pushes his dick inside, watching Jared arch and moan, sweating and cursing as he pulls on the blankets under them. Best torture Jensen ever had to endure, seeing and feeling Jared like he's doing without pushing his dick all the way in, wanting to make Jared his.

Jensen only moves when Jared gives him a green light, starting slow but then not being able to show too many self-restrain, placing one hand under Jared’s body to hold his lower back as he thrust into him, pulling more and more moans out of Jared as he does so.

He could spend the rest of his life just doing this with Jared-hearing him moan Jensen's name into his ear or making out while feeling Jared hug him and rock his hips. Is too good, too much, even harder to handle than all the previous pleasure Jensen had experienced. I'ss different because Jared is right there, under him, saying his name and clinging to Jensen. He presses his forehead to Jared’s, not wanting to miss any second of it, wishing he could memorize each one of Jared’s reactions.

Nothing ever felt the way this does. And he’s not talking about the physical connection. Jensen means the combination of the incredible pleasure Jared is giving him along with the amounts of endless love Jensen feels for his human whenever he looks at him. Jared wakes up everything in Jensen, fills him with life. Jared is everything, the stars, the moon and every sun in the Universe. Jensen traveled through space without ever knowing he was meant to come find Jared all along.

He glances down at Jared, who hugs Jensen and holds onto him, and all Jensen thinks is that he was born thousands of planets away just for him to cross the space and meet Jared. Jensen looks for one of Jared’s hands as they both start to move out of synch, desperate to feel more, get more out of each other. Jensen laces their fingers together, holding onto Jared’s hand as they look into each other’s eyes.

Jared really is the living prove that everything beautiful is far away. Brighter than any star and the most important thing in Jensen’s Universe.

Jensen feels Jared come first, inner muscles tightening around him as Jensen thrusts into him.  Jared closes his eyes and whines Jensen’s name one last time as he squeezes Jensen0s hand. Jensen looks for Jared’s lips before he reaches his own orgasm, making sure he can kiss Jared right before coming inside of him.

It takes them both a good time to catch their breaths, Jensen’s body still swimming in the sensation of the best thing he ever tried. By far. He places his head on top of Jared’s heart, closing his eyes to listen to his heartbeat. Months ago he did that after helping Jared get healthy, wanting to feel Jared's heartbeat with his hand to make sure Jared was alive. Now is to make sure Jared is real and with him, safe from anyone who could try to take him away. Jensen will never let them. Nothing bad will ever happen to Jared again as long as Jensen lives.

“So…” Jared whispers after a while, stroking Jensen’s hair with one hand while they keep holding each other, fingers still laced together. “Did you enjoy your first time?”

Jensen looks up, watching Jared smile in return. He moves just enough to reach Jared’s face, starting to kiss his mouth repeatedly.

“Indeed. And at the same time I can’t wait for the second time in about five minutes.” Jensen raises both eyebrows while Jared opens his mouth, amused. “And then the third time. And fourth. And then try it again. And again. And again.” Jensen announces, kissing Jared’s lips with each pause, making Jared break out in laughter as Jensen rolls them on the bed.

Maybe he’ll even be ready for round two even faster than in five minutes.

| Part Sixteen |