Mission Voyager (Part Twelve C)
There are two things Jensen can assure after his visit to Tom and Mike's place. One, he can’t get their annoying sex talk out of his head and two, he has something going on with Jared. He. Jensen does. And it’s something different, something he hasn’t caught on before. It started with Jensen being worried about the human, to later on care more and more about him and finally consider him his friend.
But it looks like it hasn't stopped there, because just some nights ago Jensen thought about leaning in and kissing Jared after he found him waiting for him in his living room.
Him. Jensen. Thought about kissing Jared. A human. When Jensen is a shifter.
And is not like Jensen has a problem with Jared being a human, inter-species relations are well known around shifter society, even if shifters usually pick their life partners among their own for different reasons. But the cases exist, Jensen has seen them. So that’s not the problem. What starts making a mess here is that Jensen is a shifter.
He’s the problem. He’s the alien who landed on Earth and took everything from Jared’s life. Jared has learned to trust him and now they are close but there is a huge gap between Jared being friendly with Jensen and not caring if Jensen tries to kiss him.
Jared’s a human. He’s used to human relationships, feelings between and for humans. Jared doesn’t see things the way Jensen does, he’s-he’s so much younger than Jensen, he’s in there living with him because he’s hiding of other shifters like Jensen. Jared might be attracted to males and sure Jensen is a male too, but Jared was talking about human males. Like Stephen.
Jared has to hide away to survive, these aren’t some vacations for him and Jensen couldn’t possibly burden him with something that not even he can begin to understand.
Jensen has never felt like this, he can barely make sense out of whatever is going on with him. And he could blame the human body and the emotions it brings along but he would also know it's all bullshit. It’s Jensen. The way he feels whenever he’s around Jared. It’s all him, coming from deep inside from his shifter cores and has nothing to do with how he looks on the outside.
He would have a hard time dealing with this level of attraction if it was anyone else considering Jensen has never felt anything so strong, but the fact that is a human and is Jared just makes it so much more complicated.
And then, to make his head even a bigger mess than it already is-thanks to all the things that he feels whenever he’s around Jared and the explicit talk he had with his friends last week-Jensen walks into the bathroom when Jared is using it.
It could have been taking a shower or washing his teeth, Jensen thinks any other option could have been better than this type of using it.
To put it the most human term Jensen’s knows: he basically walks into Jared jerking off in the bathroom.
It happens the only Friday he has been back from work earlier than usual and apparently it was a big mistake. That and not knocking the door before walking in the bathroom. He thought Jared was in his room.
Jared curses at him with all the words Jensen knows and also doesn't understand yet, face shining in bright red before he throws at Jensen all the bath products he has around before closing the door in Jensen’s face, telling him to stay the fuck away.
And then, Jared proceeds to lock himself in the bathroom for at least two hours.
Jensen tries to speak to him through the door, but that seems to only make it worse. He hears Jared throwing him more bath products, not caring they will hit the door instead of Jensen, telling him once again to fuck off or Jared's going to give him a real reason to want to leave.
At one moment, when Jensen finally gives up and goes busy himself in the kitchen, he hears Jared running from the bathroom in Jensen’s room to his own room, already gone by the time Jensen turns his head around. Jared locks himself in his own room next and tells Jensen he’s not having anything for dinner that night, once again refusing to come out and talk to Jensen any further.
Jensen doesn’t see an inch of Jared for almost twenty-four hours, finally giving up and coming out of his room to have dinner the next day, probably surrendering after going so long without eating anything at all. Jensen is glad, he was starting to get worried.
Yet all Jared does is sit in silence at the table, not daring to make eye contact with Jensen as he eats in silence, hiding behind his long hair and looking like he wants to run back into his room. Jensen understands why Jared might feel embarrassed, for all he has read, what Jensen saw it’s rather a private act for humans and he was clearly not meant to see it happen.
Jensen didn’t even see that much anyway. He turned his face away as soon as he noticed Jared-well, that Jared didn’t have his pants or underwear on. Jensen isn’t some pervert, he wouldn’t ogle or look at Jared without his permission.
“Jared.” Jensen starts after twenty minutes of silence, and Jared groans immediately, moving his head down so more of his hair will cover his face. “Listen to me, please. You don’t have to feel embarrassed. Masturbation is completely normal and extremely common among humans, and it’s a healthy way to deal with stress and-”
“Oh, no!” Jared yells, snapping his face up, letting Jensen see how red his face is at the moment. Even Jared’s nose and ears are bright at this point. “Don’t you dare make it all-medical and stuff. Don’t make it into your healer lessons, that’s even worst!”
“How so?” Jensen blinks, confused.
“B-Because-it’s weird! Is like you’re giving the talk or something. I-I know jerking off is normal and all that, spare me the fucking anatomy class for pre-teens.” Jared huffs, and he looks utterly mortified, hands shaking as he grabs the fork to keep on eating, so Jensen decides to shut up.
Apparently talking about the benefits of masturbation is not the way to go here. Noted.
“Alright.” Jensen nods. “I just wanted to let you know there’s no reason to feel embarrassed, you were just doing something natur-” but Jared shoots him a look to shuts Jensen up before he can insist how natural it is for humans to want to relief some of their sexual tension with masturbation. “Fine. I’ll shut up.”
“Thanks.” Jared groans, avoiding Jensen’s eyes. “And of course I feel embarrassed, are you insane? I wanted to die after you walked in the bathroom! Even you should get that. P-People isn't supposed to see you-you know. Everybody knows it happens but nobody talks about it or gets an eyeful of someone else doing it.” Jared huffs again, brushing his hair nervously.
“I didn’t get an eyeful.” Jensen comments after a moment, only to get another deadly glare for Jared, so he nods and shuts up again.
They go without talking or looking at each other-or at least Jared doesn’t look at Jensen at all-for another twenty minutes before Jared speaks again.
“I didn’t know you would be coming home early a-and I-” Jared shrugs, nibbling on his lower lip. “I just…well, you know how it is. Heat of the moment, whatever. You don’t think someone might walk in and-yeah, anyway. You get it, you know what I mean.”
Jensen raises both eyebrows in response, watching Jared play with the rest of the food in his plate.
“Actually, I don’t know.”
That seems to get past Jared’s embarrassment, who finally looks back up and stops hiding behind his bangs. He looks confused for a second, just before squinting at Jensen suspiciously.
“What?”
“I don’t know what you mean, at all. I have never experienced or dealt with anything you just explained.” Jensen repeats, shrugging again. “But I suppose I can understand why you would feel embarrassed if you say it’s something intimate. And I walked in and I’m sorry for-”
“No, no. Wait a second.” Jared raises one of his hands, doing the exact “stop” gesture Mike did the night Jensen had dinner with them. “What do you mean you have never experienced what I just said?”
Jensen frowns, thinking is weird Jared is not understanding what he’s saying.
“It means what it’s supposed to mean. I have never done it before, so I-“
“What!” Jared squeaks, widening his eyes and letting his mouth hang open as he looks at Jensen like is the first time they meet. “Wait. No. You have never…” He trails off, just before he makes a hand movement in the air, moving his fist up and down in a jerking motion. Jensen tilts his head in confusion and Jared groans life before, but this time he lets out a little nervous laugh. “You silly alien. Jerking off! That’s what this means.” And then he does the jerking motion with his fist in the air again. “You have never done it? No way!”
“No. I really haven’t. It didn’t seem that appealing and kind of awkward when I read about it.” He can understand sex and how it involved somebody else, but doing it yourself, alone...well it didn’t sound that much fun. And while Jensen did know all the steps for it and why it was a healthy and normal activity, it really did seem like a weird concept.
“Shut the fuck up!” Jared giggles again, mouth still hanging open. “Not appealing? Dude. You shift into humans and you all don’t try the only good thing our bodies have to offer? Shame on you, Jensen.” Jared snickers this time, and it seems like his embarrassment is magically drifting away.
Like talking about Jensen never masturbating before is the cure for Jared feeling bad after getting caught doing it.
Jensen rolls his eyes, crossing his arms. “Give it a rest, is not even that much of a big deal.”
“You say that because you have never tried it! And you’re a guy. Dude, is so much easier for us to get off than for girls!” Jared smacks his forehead, like he still finds so mind-blowing the whole conversation. “But, alright, being serious. You do know that orgasms feel like really good food tastes, right?”
If he’s honest, Jensen is the one who doesn’t understand why Jared is so surprised he has never tried it. Sure, it sounds like a nice experience but, again. Kind of awkward, too.
“I have read that the combination and flow of hormones and neurotransmitters present during the entire sexual response cycle along with the stimulation from visual, physical and mental sources can cause a positive and pleasant response in the human body.” Jensen quotes perfectly from one of the best anatomy books he has read. “But, even so, the process didn’t see that appealing.”
Jared nods along Jensen’s entire explanation, yet somehow Jensen thinks his serious expression is nothing but condescending. Smartass. Now Jensen knows the word to indicate what Jared is doing.
By the time Jensen's done explaining, Jared has a small little smirk and doesn’t seem to be embarrassed anymore.
“Okay, sure, you may have your reasons to not do it. But…” Jared gets up, taking his almost empty plate and walking towards the kitchen, only stopping once he’s by Jensen’s side. “As a guy and a fellow human who had to keep his sexual orientation secret and therefore had a lot of time alone, I’m an expert on this subject. And as an expert, I say you have to give it a try at least once, Ackles.”
He taps Jensen’s shoulder twice and then winks at him before walking towards the kitchen, snickering the whole time he stays in there washing his dishes.
They don’t talk any more that night, with Jared just whispering about going to sleep to give Jensen his “private time”, letting out another chuckle before prancing to him room. Jared really does think this is hilarious. Jensen, on his part, stays on the table to eat the rest of his dinner in silence.
And the entire time Jensen eats, washes the dishes, organizes the kitchen and then proceeds to take a shower, he does nothing but think about the same thing over and over again. He’s used to have nothing but Jared in his head by this point. But this is different. The taps on his shoulder, the winking, the giggles. And of course, how insistent Jared was about Jensen giving masturbation a try.
What is it with everybody and sex all of sudden? First Mike and all his details and comparisons. Best experience in the entire Universe and so on. Even Tom seemed to agree, and then Jared-well, Jared straight up told Jensen he had to do it.
He huffs as he steps out of the shower, a little annoyed with everybody and even with himself. Since when experiencing one kind of pleasure and relief had become so important? Jensen knows the chemistry behind it, and sure, it could potentially be a nice experience, but so could be going swimming with dolphins. And Jensen isn't rushing to take a plane to go do that, right?
What is the big deal with the human body and sexual relief?
For some reason it’s really starting to rub Jensen wrong.
Yeah, he hasn’t done it before. So what? The entire process of jerking off-as Jared said-looked really uncomfortable. Jensen can understand shifters who chose to reproduce in-vitro to avoid the most common and physical method. It sounds like nothing Jensen has seen or heard about before, and he's almost positive Mike and Tom were exaggerating. Maybe Jared doesn't know any better, but his friends? They have been to as many galaxies and planets as Jensen. They can’t honestly think that human sex is better than anything else out there.
“Bullshit.” Jensen whispers, mad for a reason he’s not sure he can understand. He has been thinking about the whole thing since the night he spent with his friends, but now that Jared has brought it up too, it’s worse than before.
Jensen can’t point which part is the one irritating him the most. The fact that everyone keeps insisting Jensen is weird for not trying masturbation this far-which many shifters also refuse to do, mind you-or how he suddenly feels an even bigger gap between him and Jared because of something as simple as this. Sex. Another thing that makes them different.
Now is not only the fact that Jared is a human, that he’s used to human relationships and attraction between humans. Jensen can add something more to the bingo card of why the feelings he experiences around Jared are nothing but a mess.
Sex. Even that is different for them. Jared is used to human sex, of course. He’s used to the human way of relieving sexual tension and desires and Jensen-well, Jensen doesn’t even know what jerking off feels like.
He lets himself fall back on the bed with a huff, lying on the covers with only his underwear on, feeling his hair starting to soak the pillow under his head.
Being so different from Jared stops feeling fascinating at points only to become frustrating. Jensen understands it’s impossible for them to be the same, they are different species, they have different backgrounds and their lives couldn’t be more opposite. But he also wishes they could be alike in some things at least.
Jensen stares at the ceiling, trying once again to deal with an anger and frustration he’s barely getting used to. Whatever. He bets Mike, Tom and even Jared are full of it. There’s no way a simple release of hormones can feel that good. It's not that big of a deal and it's just proving once more how different Jared and Jensen are and he honestly hates it.
Fine, then. There’s a simple way to prove them wrong and make that gap at least a little bit smaller.
Closing his eyes for a second and feeling kind of stupid about what he’s about to do, Jensen loops his thumbs on the elastic band of his boxers, pulling them down until they are around his knees. Jensen makes a face, still staring at the ceiling and feeling strange just lying there on his bed basically naked. Humans think this is the best? Was Jared serious about it?
Jensen vaguely remembers reading about not being recommendable to just do this dry. He sighs, still irritated, bringing his hand up to lick his palm. Jensen’s not sure how wet it’s supposed to be, so he simply keeps on licking until the entire surface of his hand feels sticky and soaked.
Sighing once more, Jensen takes a look at his right hand-shiny with spit-thinking how this is normal for Jared. For all humans. Men and women did this and they probably didn’t have as many doubts about it like Jensen. But of course Jensen does, because he’s different. Because he’s not like Jared, who maybe even did this with Stephen.
That’s the last little push Jensen needs before closing his eyes again and simply thinking “Fuck it”, lowering his arm and wrapping his palm around his dick.
And, here’s the thing: Jensen knows the process he’s supposed to follow. He knows the science behind it. He has read about it, studied it, knows by memory how his body is supposed to react as he slowly moves his hand down all the way to the base of his dick, squeezing just so before bringing it back to stroke the head. It’s uncomfortable after never doing this before, and Jensen guesses the light tingles he start to feel in the base of his stomach could be a good start, but after some strokes it doesn’t feel like anything that special.
Probably the same nice sensation he could get from rubbing his hands when is cold or a massage on his neck when he's stressed. Is not that much. Jensen moves on the bed, palm still around his dick as he lets his hand slide up and down as his mind concentrates on the biology book he read months ago and had a whole chapter on the physical reactions humans felt during sexual arousal and relief. Jensen can probably quote entire paragraphs word by word, he thinks, hand still pumping up and down awkwardly.
He knows by memory that sexual arousal and orgasms are the results of environmental and psychological stimuli coupled with neurochemical mechanisms. Jensen can also name all the neurotransmitters and hormones present during sexual excitement, orgasm and post-orgasm. Dopamine. Prolactin. Oxytocin. Serotonin. Norepinephrine. The last one being the indicated to constrict and dilate blood vessel in the genitals during sexual stimulation, which would make them more sensitive to touch.
Which should be happening right now. Norepinephrine should be synthesized and released by the central nervous system and it should be increasing his arousal.
Biologically and theoretically speaking, it should all be happening right now, but in practice, Jensen is feeling nothing but small amounts of a nice sensation every now and then. Which really can’t be compared to how awkward he feels. The comparison could easily be one point for arousal and ten points for feeling uncomfortable.
Jensen bites the inside of his cheeks, frustrated at yet another prove that he can’t do something so basic that any human would be able to. Because he's different.
Tom and Mike were exaggerating.
And Jared was wrong. This doesn’t feel that incredible.
Then, for a quick second, Jensen feels it. The sudden pleasant sensation exploding at the soft contact of his hand sliding down his cock as his brain provides him the image of Jared talking to him during dinner. Is just a moment that starts and ends before Jensen even realizes it, but the clear image if Jared’s face is enough to make his dick twitch in his hand, getting a loud pant out of him.
He stops immediately, opening his eyes and feeling his face heat up just so.
A new part of the book Jensen has been quoting in his head seems to come back to him in that second, making him remember details about masturbation being not only physical but also mental. The book used the words fantasy and visuals.
Swallowing loudly, Jensen gives it a second try, sliding his fingers all the way to the base of his dick as he thinks about Jared blushing during dinner, looking down to try to hide his eyes behind his long bangs.
The response is immediate and unbelievable. It feels so good is stupid, the sudden rush of arousal making Jensen stop again, warm sensation staying at the base of his belly.
Is it even okay to think about Jared while he’s doing this? It didn’t seem to feel that good until the image of Jared popped in his head. His body needs the psychological stimuli, it seems like only the physical part is not going to be enough.
Jensen can’t help but wonder if that’s a shifter thing or just him: needing the emotional connection to be able to enjoy it.
Maybe he’s the only one who needs to think about the human sleeping in the room across from his to feel sexually aroused.
Jensen can feel his heart bumping hard, guilt starting to creep on the back of his neck, but his curiosity for the anatomy he has been fascinated to study is too big now that he has started to experience what Mike and Jared were talking about.
So he gives it another try, moving his hand from the base to the head of his dick, making sure close his eyes and think of the feeling he experienced the first time he hugged Jared. Jensen groans heavily, dick hardening in his hand and making the touch even more pleasant. This is wrong, this is so wrong. Screwed up. Fucked up.
Jensen shouldn’t be imagining Jared as he jerks off. Yet the more he does, the better it feels.
If he had to compare it to something, it could maybe be to finally being able to drink something after your mouth and throat are dry all day long. Or perhaps starting to scratch your arm after it’s been itching for a long time, not being able to stop and instead wanting to scratch more and harder as the sensation grows.
Within minutes Jensen has already kicked off his underwear, spreading his legs even more on the bed to get into a more comfortable position, jerking himself off steadily by this point. He starts realizing what feels better after some minutes, running his thumb around the head of his dick, smearing the pre-come over the slit. He would rather do it slow, stopping at moments to let his body enjoy the waves of pleasure, feeling something he can’t begin to describe build up inside of him.
He can feel the tip of his toes tingling as well as the inside of his thighs as he slides his hand down to hold his sack and rub the base of his balls. All while keeping Jared in his head.
The perfect image of Jared’s face. Jared’s voice. Jared’s smile. Jared’s laugh. It all pays in Jensen’s head like a movie as he raises his hips to meet with his closed hand, almost by mere instinct, starting to moan between pants.
And the sensation keeps on growing, building inside of him and all Jensen wants to do is take it to the top, stretch that feeling to every part of his body and keep on making it grow until it explodes.
A simple glance down at himself lets him see that his dick is rock hard by this point, head turning red and a little swollen as Jensen rubs the new drops of pre-come over the slit.
Jensen has the sudden idea of that being Jared’s hand around his dick instead his own. Is just a second, a flash in his head of Jared lying in bed with him like they have done so many times when they have watched movies together, one of Jared's hands around Jensen’s cock, slowly getting him off.
Jensen moans harder than before, bringing his left hand up immediately to cover his mouth, biting onto his palm.
He stops for only a moment, holding his breath and trying to hear any noise outside, hoping he didn’t wake up Jared just now.
Letting go of his hard-on and feeling it slap back against his belly feels like pure torture, dick aching for more contact. But Jensen has to make sure.
After a whole minute, that is probably the longest minute of Jensen’s life, he decides to wrap his right hand around his cock once again, giving a slow pump as he imagines it's Jared’s hand instead, eyelashes fluttering as he bites once more onto his left hand. Jensen wonders how Jared’s hand would feel like, if it would be softer than Jensen’s and maybe warmer. If he would know exactly how to get Jensen off, if he would be able to make it feel even better.
Which would be ridiculous if it was possible, because Jensen is feeling pretty fucking fantastic right about now. He licks his lips, moving his left hand away to leave it over the bed again. There’s no way to describe how incredibly pleasant it is, the flashes of arousal and want, want, want that pump through his veins as he jerks himself off and does nothing but think Jared, Jared, Jared.
There’s not a single trace of the phrases from his texts books in his head anymore, Jensen couldn’t remember a word from them even if his life depended on it. All he can think about is increasing the pleasant sensation, making them grow, keeping Jared in his mind as Jensen wonders if this is how his human felt the day before when Jensen walked in the bathroom.
Jensen didn’t lie before, he didn’t get an eyeful of Jared in that moment and he did look in another direction when he realized that Jared was semi-naked. But there’s one thing Jensen’s brain decided to keep, the image he got before turning away. And now, with his hand around his dick and Jared’s name on his lips, Jensen can remember it.
Jared sitting on the toiled, head thrown back and lips open in the middle of a moan. Jensen can remember his pleased expression almost perfectly. He can see it behind his eyelids, the way Jared’s cheeks were bright pink and how he looked just as pleased as Jensen feels.
That something inside of Jensen that has been building up all this time seems to suddenly raise and expand in the blink of an eye, growing so much and feeling so good that for a second Jensen is sure he’s going to die because it. There’s no way his body can handle so much pleasure, it feels too good to be real.
It’s too hot to think about Jared getting off while Jensen fucks into his closed fist.
Jensen grips the blankets under him with his left hand, letting out a loud groan that is a clear mix of a moan and Jared’s name, and then everything goes white for a second.
He can’t feel, think or exist beyond the waves of pleasure that explode all over his body, mental image of Jared’s face engraved in the inside of his eyelids.
The relaxing sensation that comes right after the orgasm is just as enjoyable, leaving Jensen in a blissed state as he tries to recover his breath, looking down at himself as he moves his hand away from his dick, fingers and stomach now covered in a sticky fluid. Come. A little voice in Jensen’s head provides the explanation that he just ejaculated and now he’s experiencing the post-orgasm hormones, but he really can’t bring himself to give a crap about the science behind what he just did.
Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. Well, clearly Jensen was wrong when he said they were all full of it. Because that was-yeah. Wow. Jared wasn’t kidding when he said it was the best thing the human body had to offer.
Jensen lets out a deep breath, still trying to make any sense of the mess that is his head, blissed out and beyond pleased. He decides to just clean his hand and himself with his own blankets, not feeling like getting up to go to the bathroom. Actually, all Jensen wants to do right now is roll in bed and go to sleep.
Yet as soon as he closes his eyes, Jared’s image comes back swinging.
Jensen takes a sharp breath, starting to realize what has just happened. Now he doesn’t only feel really intense emotions whenever he’s around Jared. Jensen has officially realized he’s also sexually attracted to his human too. He likes Jared in every single possible way there is. He likes him more than he has liked anyone in the entire Universe. What Jensen just did snapped a new paer of him, waking something in his body he has never experimented before.
Jensen wants in a physical way. He wants Jared.
Letting out a sigh as he presses his face into one of his pillows, Jensen knowa that there’s no going back from this now.
He’s utterly and completely fucked.
| Part Thirteen |