Fear really is the mind killer.
I've never had so much trouble trying to decide wether or not to tell Her something. I was going to tell her, then this rouge thought stealthily wormed its way into my brain. "This could destroy you!" it warned. "It could change the way she sees you. She might be scared of the very thought itself. If you do this, you might lose her." Those last four words froze me in my tracks. Because the rouge thought was right. It may be the way I see things in the future, and I may want nothing else, but.... How does She see it? If she sees it the same, then everything is perfectly fine. But if she doesn't see it that way, I might scare her off. She might say "I don't want that to happen." and walk away.
But if she doesn't want it to happen, then that means we won't stay together anyway. Ouch.. That physically hurt realizing that.
So I suppose I have my answer now, I have to tell her. It wouldn't be fair not to and let this go on when it's not going anywhere.
...what happened to me? A few weeks ago I was so determined to get to California to be with her that I thought about using my moms credit card without her knowing about it. Now, I'm back to being a lazy bastard again, like before. I read something in a MySpace bulletin today that was kind of like a slap in the face.
Jess posted this in a survey thingy:
"10) Your thoughts of long distance relationship?
It can work if you really really want it to....but eventually the distance part has to stop...one of you has to move closer......"
And now I keep getting this nagging feeling like neither of us is going to move closer. Me because I'm a lazy slacker bastard with no job, and Her because she has a life where she is. I couldn't ask her to move here anyway, because I need to get the hell up outta here. Its so freaking boring. But, really, I have no idea how I'm going to pick my ass up and move some 2,200 miles away...
*Sigh* I really need to talk about all of this with her. But I know I'm going to be all shy like always, so I'm just going to tell her to read these last few posts. That should jump start things, and I won't have any way to avoid the subject either.
Here's hoping that won't back fire and blow up in my face.
But if she doesn't want it to happen, then that means we won't stay together anyway. Ouch.. That physically hurt realizing that.
So I suppose I have my answer now, I have to tell her. It wouldn't be fair not to and let this go on when it's not going anywhere.
...what happened to me? A few weeks ago I was so determined to get to California to be with her that I thought about using my moms credit card without her knowing about it. Now, I'm back to being a lazy bastard again, like before. I read something in a MySpace bulletin today that was kind of like a slap in the face.
Jess posted this in a survey thingy:
"10) Your thoughts of long distance relationship?
It can work if you really really want it to....but eventually the distance part has to stop...one of you has to move closer......"
And now I keep getting this nagging feeling like neither of us is going to move closer. Me because I'm a lazy slacker bastard with no job, and Her because she has a life where she is. I couldn't ask her to move here anyway, because I need to get the hell up outta here. Its so freaking boring. But, really, I have no idea how I'm going to pick my ass up and move some 2,200 miles away...
*Sigh* I really need to talk about all of this with her. But I know I'm going to be all shy like always, so I'm just going to tell her to read these last few posts. That should jump start things, and I won't have any way to avoid the subject either.
Here's hoping that won't back fire and blow up in my face.