Portraits of the past...
Tonight I went through the archives from Shades of Grey and spent several hours reliving past triumphs and disappointments, celebrating and mourning that while kytheria.com is no longer wholly who I am, it is still a much-loved part.
I no longer live solely for myself, but I still dance at 5am, and that has to count for something.
I have wanted so much to share the past few days with you. I wanted to tell you how shocked I was to come across the wedding webpage of an old high school crush, and how my chest tightened for a few moments because...well,I'm not sure why. But it did. And while I never really know him, only admired him from afar, I felt the tiniest twinge of loss.
I wanted to share my joy with you, when a friend from the past emailed me and we spent all day calling each other, stolen snatches of conversation before we had to tend to the duties of our current selves. I wondered if you would understand why I wanted to laugh when he remembered that he'd never seen me without my braces, if you'd have felt the same anticipation at the prospect of allowing someone to merge your past self with your present, if you'd have wondered, as I did, upon hearing that he once found you beautiful, if he still would. If you still were. If you were even still yourself at all.
After reading the entries, I moved on to the comments, where one in particular caught my eye. It was from my beautiful soul-sister Emily, and she said, "If anyone wants naked, they have only to read you. Very undressed." And I wondered, can I still do that? Do I still have what it takes to lay my soul bare, to show you the very core of me?
Maybe it's time I found out.
I no longer live solely for myself, but I still dance at 5am, and that has to count for something.
I have wanted so much to share the past few days with you. I wanted to tell you how shocked I was to come across the wedding webpage of an old high school crush, and how my chest tightened for a few moments because...well,I'm not sure why. But it did. And while I never really know him, only admired him from afar, I felt the tiniest twinge of loss.
I wanted to share my joy with you, when a friend from the past emailed me and we spent all day calling each other, stolen snatches of conversation before we had to tend to the duties of our current selves. I wondered if you would understand why I wanted to laugh when he remembered that he'd never seen me without my braces, if you'd have felt the same anticipation at the prospect of allowing someone to merge your past self with your present, if you'd have wondered, as I did, upon hearing that he once found you beautiful, if he still would. If you still were. If you were even still yourself at all.
After reading the entries, I moved on to the comments, where one in particular caught my eye. It was from my beautiful soul-sister Emily, and she said, "If anyone wants naked, they have only to read you. Very undressed." And I wondered, can I still do that? Do I still have what it takes to lay my soul bare, to show you the very core of me?
Maybe it's time I found out.