If I fail, well then I fail, but at least I gave you something
Boy update - brace yourself.
So I started hanging out with this guy, Scott, Wednesday night. Believe it or not we met on myspace. Yeah, yeah...I know what you're thinking, but it's not as random as it would seem. I was browsing & this guy looked familiar to me, so I looked at his profile. Turns out he's a sophomore here at SU. We start sending messages back and forth & eventually start talking on AIM & over a while figure out that he lived in Kimmel last year & knows the 2 girls, Dani & Shana, that live down the hall & we have a bunch of mutual friends. So we hang out Wednesday night because Justin made me cry & I was emotionally rebounding. We end up talking for about 5 hours and hanging out and kissing a little. It was good. We end up hanging out every day including yesterday. Things were just really chill. We had a good time together & things were chill & then there's that intimate side that's just nice. Turns out he's really messed up. He got a bid and started pledging Friday night, Psi Psi. He came back & called me to come over. He was the most drunk he's ever been. He just laid there in bed telling me lots of personal stuff that was all really making me sad. The next night I went over to his place to play drinking games with his friends. I was having a great time & getting a little drunk and at one point, we retired to his bed. He was sober. We got half naked & I realized he was barely responding to me. So we stopped... He can't do it. He can't be intimate. He can't be sexual. He's too messed up. We ended up sitting & talking about a lot of things for a long time & ultimately decided to cool things off for a while. Maybe forever. It just makes me sad. He's so essentially unhappy...and I care about him. I just want him to be happy. I wish I could help him with that, or do it for him, but I know I can't. He's gotta really wanna do it & do it himself mostly.
That makes me sad. I'm sure Justin is only bad news. I'm not interested in Christian. & Dave's far away. There are no boys to fulfill me, and Valentine's Day is just around the corner. It shouldn't be this difficult. I want to do something monumental this Valentine's Day, but I'm not sure what. Something completely great for myself...but I'm broke.
That's another reason I'm in such a down mood today. I am so broke. & I went to the mall & spent money I didn't have today. I'm in debt in my M&T account cause I overwithdrew, not knowing. I have a little over $500 in my savings account...MY SAVINGS ACCOUNT. & $14 in my wallet where $10 is going to go towards poker tonight. Let's pray I win something this time. I need it. I really need to get my finances on track. Stressful. I've been so irresponsible.
I REALLY NEED TO BE MUCH MORE CAREFUL & RESPONSIBLE WITH MY HEART & MY MONEY.
So I started hanging out with this guy, Scott, Wednesday night. Believe it or not we met on myspace. Yeah, yeah...I know what you're thinking, but it's not as random as it would seem. I was browsing & this guy looked familiar to me, so I looked at his profile. Turns out he's a sophomore here at SU. We start sending messages back and forth & eventually start talking on AIM & over a while figure out that he lived in Kimmel last year & knows the 2 girls, Dani & Shana, that live down the hall & we have a bunch of mutual friends. So we hang out Wednesday night because Justin made me cry & I was emotionally rebounding. We end up talking for about 5 hours and hanging out and kissing a little. It was good. We end up hanging out every day including yesterday. Things were just really chill. We had a good time together & things were chill & then there's that intimate side that's just nice. Turns out he's really messed up. He got a bid and started pledging Friday night, Psi Psi. He came back & called me to come over. He was the most drunk he's ever been. He just laid there in bed telling me lots of personal stuff that was all really making me sad. The next night I went over to his place to play drinking games with his friends. I was having a great time & getting a little drunk and at one point, we retired to his bed. He was sober. We got half naked & I realized he was barely responding to me. So we stopped... He can't do it. He can't be intimate. He can't be sexual. He's too messed up. We ended up sitting & talking about a lot of things for a long time & ultimately decided to cool things off for a while. Maybe forever. It just makes me sad. He's so essentially unhappy...and I care about him. I just want him to be happy. I wish I could help him with that, or do it for him, but I know I can't. He's gotta really wanna do it & do it himself mostly.
That makes me sad. I'm sure Justin is only bad news. I'm not interested in Christian. & Dave's far away. There are no boys to fulfill me, and Valentine's Day is just around the corner. It shouldn't be this difficult. I want to do something monumental this Valentine's Day, but I'm not sure what. Something completely great for myself...but I'm broke.
That's another reason I'm in such a down mood today. I am so broke. & I went to the mall & spent money I didn't have today. I'm in debt in my M&T account cause I overwithdrew, not knowing. I have a little over $500 in my savings account...MY SAVINGS ACCOUNT. & $14 in my wallet where $10 is going to go towards poker tonight. Let's pray I win something this time. I need it. I really need to get my finances on track. Stressful. I've been so irresponsible.
I REALLY NEED TO BE MUCH MORE CAREFUL & RESPONSIBLE WITH MY HEART & MY MONEY.