I Am Back!
Aww, it is awkward to be expressing my feelings like this again. But i guess that there is no problem with that, so many things go through my mind. Today it's supposed to be the first day, the day where things will change. What things, yes, my life, my ways, fucking eh! I am finally becoming responsible or i will die trying. Wow. A weird feeling went all over my body after typing those words. I have always relied on other people to help me be responsible, I will do it no longer. Now the problem is achieving all these goal it seems that I already have enough motivation to do it, though, the process takes lots of effort and courage, to move on, to leave behind important dreams and finally move on to the next step, if indeed it is a next step what is supposed to happen. The unknown, might seem a simple concept but it is easy to fear it, even if my mind shakes it's head in disagreement, I know that there is always a constant fear to things that are soon to happen, or shall i say soon to become... yeah i realized that it was a really long sentence, probably should be splitted in more than one, but truly thats how my thoughts work a huge chunk, a storm, a humongously catastrophic cyclone of viscous stuff pouring onto the tip of an ant-sized needle. Damn, it was time to write that down, it is hard to do it at the space you know. There is people dropping by, friends and just people I happen to know, who want to talk. Or what is even worse, people trying to hit on me... while i am not in the mood, yeah it is so hard to say no when you have a problem with rejection. It seems you do not want to reject people because you do not want to be rejected, it is self oppression, woo hoo send me to a workshop(buahahhahaha). Though what is even more weird is the fact that i can not say no to people i do not know, but i can to people that I have already tasted... yeah I taste people they come in different flavors and smells... I only wonder who will be my number ten. Fuck the only thing i needed now, to start feeling cravings to listen to Radiohead, what can be better to my depression that to listen to a band lead by a clinically depressed guy... I feel scared again, mixed with another feeling, damn it is an awkward mix, yes being scared, with a rush of heat and the urge to go and poo... Fuck I prefer to poo at home. I am only asking one think from Diego, I hope he really awakens from this dream, that he finally comes out of that cocoon, that he finally lets those tears fall down his cheeks, that he acts like himself once more... not caring that much for what the others say, ironically he cares too much for people and that why it is so hard for him not to care for what they say... he loves them. We love them! Thank you... D.