and I would tear my hair out if I had any
She texted me.
"You can't just cut off the people you 'love.'"
Bullshit. I can do whatever I damn well please. And don't you dare try to cram my words down my throat like I didn't mean them. Belittle me, sure, but I'll be damned if I let you try to take away my honesty.
I make promises to keep them. I don't lie, there's no point. I'm more direct than a non-stop flight, and I'm sorry you can't handle that.
So I went to see you. And it was fine. Then I came back to reality and remembered that nothing is ever how it seems. Which is part of the reason that I'm so honest. If I were fake, then I'd have no say in how fake the world is. I am exactly how I seem. Forgive me for the contradiction.
There isn't a part of me left that wouldn't lay down and die if it didn't hurt so damn bad. I miss the people I've lost to get here, and I don't like where I'm at. It's like the view from a window on the fifth floor of a hospital; I can see the beauty but I'm too insane to be let out to discover if it's real or not. One can never trust one's own perceptions.
You know what I realized? I don't have that year. That one year that everyone else has that they wish they could go back to. I want a redo on my life. Starting with the death of my birth mother and an adoption at an early age.
Time is slipping away from me, and I revel in my apathy.
"You can't just cut off the people you 'love.'"
Bullshit. I can do whatever I damn well please. And don't you dare try to cram my words down my throat like I didn't mean them. Belittle me, sure, but I'll be damned if I let you try to take away my honesty.
I make promises to keep them. I don't lie, there's no point. I'm more direct than a non-stop flight, and I'm sorry you can't handle that.
So I went to see you. And it was fine. Then I came back to reality and remembered that nothing is ever how it seems. Which is part of the reason that I'm so honest. If I were fake, then I'd have no say in how fake the world is. I am exactly how I seem. Forgive me for the contradiction.
There isn't a part of me left that wouldn't lay down and die if it didn't hurt so damn bad. I miss the people I've lost to get here, and I don't like where I'm at. It's like the view from a window on the fifth floor of a hospital; I can see the beauty but I'm too insane to be let out to discover if it's real or not. One can never trust one's own perceptions.
You know what I realized? I don't have that year. That one year that everyone else has that they wish they could go back to. I want a redo on my life. Starting with the death of my birth mother and an adoption at an early age.
Time is slipping away from me, and I revel in my apathy.