[Fic] Worth the Risk...?
Jin pulled Kazuya close to him, wrapping an arm tightly around his waist and cupping a hand around his jaw, pulling him forward into a deep kiss. Jin grinned in delight when he heard Kazuya’s pleased moan, taking that as a sign to continue with his fierce and demanding kisses. The hand around Kazuya’s waist slipped past them hem of the shirt and rested on the bare skin right above Kazuya’s hip, not moving any further, and not pulling away.
Kazuya’s own passionate kisses were beginning to make Jin tremble, and he moaned himself when Kazuya’s hand buried itself inside his hair.
When they both seriously needed oxygen he broke the kiss and went down to Kazuya’s neck and jaw, not allowing a single inch of skin to doubt his affections.
“Jin…” Kazuya moaned again, and Jin moved back up to his lips, kissing him gently this time, full of all the love and tenderness that he felt toward Kazuya.
“Jin… Jin… Jin!” a voice that was certainly not Kazuya’s assaulted Jin’s ears. “Hello? Earth to Jin! Yo, Bakanishi!”
Yamapi.
“Come on, Jin, snap out of it already, you’re starting to freak me out.”
Jin was tempted to continue ignoring his friend, but when Yamapi repeatedly snapped his fingers in front of his face and began blowing harshly into Jin’s ear, he realized his friend was not going to give up. Afraid he might begin to spit in his ear before too long, he gave him a brief glance, but didn’t move from his seat.
They were sitting off to the side of the gym, with a bunch of other Johnny’s practicing their dance steps out on the mat. Jin had been staring at Kazuya, rather obviously quite frankly, while he was dancing with Takki. He moves so beautifully…
“Something’s wrong with you Jin. Will you just tell me what the problem is already? We both know you will eventually after you’re done sulking so save us both some time and just tell me.” Yamapi said to his moping friend, heaving out a huge sigh when Jin didn’t move from his slumped position in his chair. Yamapi could almost swear that Jin hadn’t been listening to him at all a few minutes ago, he almost looked like he had been day dreaming.
“Leave me alone, Yamashita.”
Jin hadn’t been his usual self for the last few weeks, gradually becoming more and more solemn as time went by, and Yamapi had finally gotten sick of waiting for Jin to come and talk to him about it so he took matters into his own hands and confronted Jin.
The fact that he had needed to confront him at all was odd in itself. Whenever something was bothering Jin, nearly all of Jin’s friends knew about it. Jin just wasn’t the kind of guy to keep his problems to himself. That was probably the reason why Jin was so chipper all the time; the emotional release he got by talking things out probably did him a lot of good. But this time, Jin hadn’t said anything about whatever was bothering him, and Yamapi feared that it must be something really serious.
“Did you get into trouble with Johnny or something?” Yamapi prodded. “Oh my gosh are you getting thrown out of the agency?! What on earth did you do, Jin?!”
When Jin didn’t answer quickly enough, Yamapi’s overactive imagination thought up more catastrophe’s that Jin surely must have committed.
“You’re getting thrown out of KAT-TUN aren’t you? And you guys haven’t even debuted yet! Why didn’t anyone tell me about this?! I’m going to go talk to Kame or someb-“
“No! Dang it Pi don’t drag anyone else into this!”
“Then what did you do?!”
Jin just sighed. “I didn’t do anything, Pi, and I’m not in trouble with Johnny. More than usual anyway.” He added as an afterthought.
“Well then what is wrong? Come on Jin, please tell me. You’re really starting to worry me here.”
“It’s nothing Pi, really. I’ll be fine. There’s nothing you can do about it anyway.”
“Maybe there’s nothing I can do to help the situation, but I may be able to make you feel better. Now stop trying to hold whatever it is inside when it is obviously really bothering you.”
Jin pondered this for a moment. Maybe it would help just to let out what he was feeling to a friend.
“You promise you won’t tell anybody?”
“I swear I won’t.”
Jin still hesitated. If this ever did get out somehow, if he somehow heard about this, Jin didn’t know what he would do.
Jin had been so confused these last couple of months. His life had been so wonderful these last few years, being accepted into the agency, becoming a part of KAT-TUN with a bunch of other nice boys, making new friends…
Especially one friend in particular.
Jin and Kazuya had been nearly inseparable these last couple years, growing closer each and every day it seemed. Jin loved Kazuya’s enthusiastic love for baseball, even though he didn’t care much for the game himself, but he could listen to Kazuya talk about it forever. He loved how determined Kazuya was to learn all that the agency was willing to teach them, dancing, gymnastics, singing- he always did his absolute best at it. And how Kazuya was always there to listen to Jin’s stories about what had happened in school when they were younger, and how he always gave Jin his full attention…
Basically, Jin just really liked Kazuya.
Jin was twenty now, and his feelings for Kazuya had only grown stronger since he met that awkward skinny boy back when he was fourteen. And now, Jin was afraid of what those feelings had become.
He and Kazuya had always been physically affectionate with each other, ruffling the other’s hair, leaning on each other’s shoulders, hugging, but now Jin found himself wanting to do much more than that with Kazuya, and it scared him. These day dreams he kept having about kissing his friend weren’t helping to ease his mind either.
He felt like such a horrible person, thinking about his friend this way when all Kazuya saw him as was a friend. A best friend yes, but still just a friend. One day soon Kazuya was bound to get a girlfriend, he had already told Jin about his many semi-‘girlfriends’ that he had had in school; the first real relationship would not be far away. Kazuya was eighteen now, girls were probably quite high on his agenda.
“Oi, Bakanishi!” Yamapi snapped his fingers in front of Jin’s face. “Don’t you dare drift off again! I promise I won’t tell a soul about what’s bothering you.”
Yeah right.
“Will you please just spill it already?”
Jin sighed, and took a deep breath. “Well, I kind of, maybe, sort of like somebody…” he murmured softly.
“You like someone? That’s what’s got you all moody?”
Jin nodded.
“Who is it, Jin?” Yamapi asked excitedly. “I didn’t know you had contact with many girls these days.”
“Please don’t ask me who it is, Pi. It doesn’t matter anyway.”
“Why do you keep saying that? Have you told her how you feel?”
Jin shook his head.
“Why not?”
“Because there’s no way that they’d feel the same, that’s why.”
“Ah come on Akanishi. What’s got you being all modest all of a sudden? Look, even I will be a kind enough friend to tell you that you’re not entirely horrid looking. You were accepted into this agency right? I’m sure any girl would be thrilled to have you. After all you’re going to be famous someday!”
“Looks aren’t the problem…” Jin muttered.
“Eh? Then what?”
Jin didn’t say anything.
Yamapi moved closer to Jin and kneeled down next to where he was sitting. “Jin, you’ll never know until you tell that person about your feelings. The girl’s not a mind reader.”
“There’s no way my feelings would be returned, Pi. Why should I risk our friendship when I know they don’t feel the same.”
“You’ll never know unless you try.”
Jin shook his head slowly, then buried his face in his hands.
Yamapi was a little unnerved now. Jin looked really upset. This wasn’t one of those many crushes that Jin used to have back when he was in school, where he’d brag about how much all the girls liked him and how popular he was. This was different. “You’re… really serious about this person huh?”
Jin sniffed, and gave a slight nod.
Yamapi decided that it was time to be really serious with Jin. “Look Jin, it comes down to this: would you rather hold your feelings in for the rest of your life, while it eats you up inside, ruining your whole existence; or would you rather take a chance and possibly get everything you ever wanted?”
“And if I get shot down? What then?”
“The way I see it, you’ll be just as miserable if you don’t say anything. You’re slowly becoming more and more depressed, Jin. Soon everyone is going to be able to see it.”
“I don’t want to risk it Pi, I don’t want to risk it…”
“You’re never going to find happiness if you don’t even try to get it. Is this person worth the risk of getting your heart broken for?”
Jin didn’t respond to that. Kazuya was worth everything to him. Even if he didn’t feel the same, maybe there would still be a way to save their friendship. But Jin was still doubtful; he really wasn’t sure if that was the smart thing to do.
“Jin?”
“Thanks Pi.” Jin said as he stood up and gave a perplexed Yamapi a hug. “I’ll think it over okay?” He flashed him a goofy smile and bounded off.
“Yeah? Well don’t hurt yourself Bakanishi!”
<><><><><>
Kame stuffed the last of his belongings into his bag, glancing around the dressing room one more time to make sure he hadn’t forgotten anything before heading toward the exit.
He was surprised to see someone sitting on the landing of the stairs, apparently waiting for him. “Takki-senpai? Why are you still here?”
Takki turned around and smiled upon seeing him. “I wanted to talk to you for a minute if that’s okay.” He said, patting the space next to him.
“Of course it is.” Kame said, quickly sitting down next to his favourite senpai. Kame really liked Takki; he was always so nice and friendly to him, and always helped to calm him whenever Kame was nervous before a performance. He always had great dance tips whenever Kame was having difficulty, and he had such a nice friendly smile that had such a soothing affect, that reminded him a little of Ji- Not now, I am not thinking about him now.
“So what’s new Kame-chan? How have things been going recently? Everything good with KAT-TUN?”
“Yes, everything’s going fine, senpai. KAT-TUN’s been great; we think we’re really starting to come close to debuting!”
Takki’s smile was genuine. “I’m sure you are. I really do look forward to when the six of you debut. You all deserve it.”
Kame smiled shyly at the unexpected praise. “Thank you. That honestly means a lot to me.”
Takki patted him on the shoulder, then faced forward and rested his elbows against his knees. “So, everything’s going good then huh? Good friends, a great group, debuting soon…”
“Yes, everything’s great.”
Takki looked at him now, and this gaze, while not unfriendly, seemed to pierce straight through to the very core of Kame’s soul. “Then why have four, that’s right, four, of your bandmates come to me, on their own, mind you, worrying that there might be something wrong with you?”
Kame was speechless now. “They… they did?” Kame had feared that they were noticing his slight depression lately, but he had tried to appear happy and enthusiastic around his bandmates, not wanting to burden them with his own personal issues. Ueda had been keeping a close eye on him lately he knew, and Maru had a few times asked if he was okay, but that was the extent of it. “I have always tried to be cheerful around them, I didn’t want to worry them by seeming depressed… I didn’t know my own problems were affecting them so much…”
“I never said that they believed you to be depressed.” Takki said with a hint of a smug smirk. “I merely said they came to me worrying that there might be something wrong with you.” He looked at Kame now. “As in too cheerful.”
Kame just stared at Takki, annoyed by the fact that he had given away the fact that yes, he had been rather down lately. “I see.” Was all Kame could think to say.
“So talk to me Kame-chan. What has been bothering you lately?”
Kame shrugged. He’d really rather not talk about it. Takki wouldn’t understand. Odds are no one would understand his feelings of late.
“It’s a love problem isn’t it?”
Kame looked up at Takki, wondering when he’d gained the ability to read minds. “Wh-what?”
“You like someone. I know that look in your eyes.” Takki said confidently. “Will you tell me who this lucky person is who has gained the affections of Kamenashi Kazuya?”
“N-No, there’s no one Senpai. I’m fine, really.”
“It’s Jin-kun isn’t it?”
Kame gaped at Takki. He was seriously creeping him out! He opened his mouth but no distinguishable words came out of it.
“Come now Kame-chan, I’ve known this for a while and I didn’t feel like waiting three hours for you to finally admit it to me.” He glanced at his watch. “Tsubasa’s supposed to pick me up in half an hour, and I would like to help you out before I leave.”
“How did… How…”
“It’s obvious you like Jin-kun, Kame. To me at least. I was in your same position some years ago. I don’t want you to have to suffer through it alone like I did.” Takki looks around thoughtfully for a minute, before patting Kame’s knee. “So let everything out to your favourite senpai , ne? You’ll be surprised at how much better you’ll feel afterward.
And so Kame did just that.
He told Takki about when he’d first started to notice his changing feelings toward Jin, how he always got these nervous butterfly feelings whenever Jin was around. He told him about how even when Jin talked about the most stupid and uninteresting things, Kame was still fascinated just by watching Jin speak, and how he could just sit and listen to his voice for hours…
“But…” Kame continued, “I don’t know what to do now. It’s getting so bad that I can hardly think straight when Jin’s around. It’s getting so hard to pretend I just like him as a friend, I don’t know what to do…” Kame heaved a deep sigh and buried his hands in his hair.
Takki ruffled his hair affectionately. “Kame, I’ve watched you and Jin for over five years now. I’ve always been so glad to see what great friends you grew to be, and I know that you two could be so happy and become so much more than just that. I’ve seen it from the beginning, why do you think Tsubasa and I stuck you two in that tent together all those years ago?”
Kame smiled slightly at the memory. Those were memories he would never forget.
“Talk to Jin, Kame. You may be surprised at the result.”
“Jin likes girls, Senpai. He used to talk about them all the time when we were in school, he’s even told me he kissed some of them. There’s no way I can tell him, I’ll lose him and I just can’t handle that…” Kame trailed off, becoming increasingly upset.
Takki put a hand on Kame’s back, attempting to sooth him a little. “Sometimes it’s worth the risk of that Kame-chan. Love is a risky and painful business, but you’ll find all that pain is worth it once you find it. I am inclined to believe you won’t be disappointed.”
Kame slowly looked up at his senpai, wanting to believe and trust in those words but unsure if he would be able to.
A noise from the door at the bottom of the stair well opening prompts both boys to look up. “Ah there you are Takki. It’s time to go.” Tsubasa greets. “Oh, why hello Kame-chan.” He says with a smile and ruffles Kame’s hair.
Kame smiles at seeing his other senpai and returns the greeting.
“Ready to go?” Tsubasa asks Takki.
“Yes, I think so.” Takki says, standing up and looking at Kame. “Are you feeling any better?”
Kame nods a little. “I’m confused but, I feel better after talking about it.”
“I’m glad. Remember you can always come to either one of us okay?”
Kame nods again and watches as Takki and Tsubasa start to head for the exit.
“Remember Kame, it might be risky, but if you can take that chance, it can be so worth it.” And with that the two men exit the stair well, and Kame’s not quite sure, but he thinks he might have seen their hands clasp before the stair well door had shut completely.
Was it really worth the risk? He could ruin their friendship, but then again, he could make their relationship become so much more.
Decision made, Kame picked up his bag and ran back upstairs.
<><><><><><><><><>
“Kame-chan!” Yamapi greeted a little too enthusiastically for Kame’s taste upon seeing the younger one.
Kame didn’t dislike Yamapi, he really didn’t, he actually thought Yamapi was kind of cool. Too cool to hang around someone like him, and he was one of Jin’s best friends as well, honestly, maybe his very best friend, and that bothered Kame a little. It was just that slight twinge of jealousy whenever he saw Yamapi and Jin together that made building any kind of relationship with Yamapi rather futile. By himself though, Yamapi was an okay guy, a little overactive sometimes but hey, so was Jin right?
“Hey Yamapi. Have you seen Jin around?”
“Ah, Mopey-Dopey-san? He was here a little while ago, then took off to who knows where.”
“Mopey-dopey-san?”
“Ah well you know how Jin’s been lately. He’s all upset over what’s-her-face, you know.”
This was new to Kame. He had noticed Jin’s odd behavior lately as well but whenever he asked about it, Jin always said that he just hadn’t been sleeping properly lately and then changed the subject. “He’s upset over who?”
“You know, that girl he likes. I don’t know her name.”
Kame’s heart sank. Jin liked someone? “Wh-what girl?” he managed to ask.
“Eh?” Yamapi gave him an incredulous look. “You mean he hasn’t talked to you about it? I had a hard time dragging it out of him but I figured he surely would have told you Kame-chan. You’re his number one guy!”
Normally hearing Yamapi refer to him as Jin’s most important friend would have made Kame’s day, or week really, but he barely registered it now. “No, I haven’t heard anything about a girl. He told you he likes somebody?”
“Apparently this girl’s the reason he’s been so down lately. He’s sure that she doesn’t like him back and he’s scared to death to confess to her, but I figure if he’s so upset about it then he’s got nothing to lose right? Besides, I’m sure the girl wouldn’t turn him down.”
Kame’s heart sank even further. Jin liked somebody. And I was about to… I would’ve… He supposed he was incredibly lucky to have talked to Yamapi first, before he made a total fool of himself, ruined their friendship, and gotten his heart completely ripped out.
“Maybe you should talk to him Kame. He’d listen to you. He seemed to feel better when he ran off but you know how Jin is. He’ll probably talk himself out of it before he actually has the guts to do it.”
Kame nodded weakly.
“I’m telling you Kame,” Yamapi lowered his voice, throwing an arm over Kame’s shoulder, “I’ve never seen him so depressed. I think he’s really serious about this girl; I really don’t want to see him so broken and forlorn all the time…”
Kame’s hands were shaking slightly now. So he really liked her huh? “Yeah I-I understand. I’ll try to talk to him Pi.” He maneuvered himself out from under Yamapi’s arm, heading back for the stair well.
“Thanks a lot Kame-chan! He’ll listen to you, I know it! You’re the one who can fix our Jin-kun!”
Kame was down the stairs in record time, trying his best to hold in his emotions until he got home.
He should be grateful he heard all this before he talked to Jin. He should be thanking God repeatedly for allowing him to keep his friendship with Jin intact, but all he felt was despair and heartbreak. He had already lost Jin to a girl, and he had never even had him to begin with.
It was all for the best, he told himself. What did he have to offer Jin anyway? He couldn’t give Jin a real family, or kids, -and Jin loved kids- and if he couldn’t make Jin happy, who was he to wish for more?
Kame sat numbly on the train, staring out the window. He couldn’t face Jin today, not now. He needed to absorb this new information in first. Seeing Jin now- Kame was sure he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from breaking down in front of him.
He was a horrible friend. Jin was out there, feeling probably the same thing he was, alone and rejected, and instead of being a good friend and doing his best to help Jin out,- like Yamapi-, he was feeling sorry for himself because his own selfish desires didn’t get fulfilled.
Tomorrow, I’ll be a good friend tomorrow. I will. I’ll be a perfect best friend, give Jin every little bit of advice and encouragement he needs to help him with this girl and make him happy. I’ll cheer him on and be with him when things don’t go great. I’ll make friends with the girl and maybe cook with her sometime. Tomorrow.
But tonight, he would be selfish and mourn the loss of the one he loved. Someone who he never even had to begin with.
<><><><><><><><>
The next morning, Jin took a deep breath before pushing open the Jimusho door, mentally preparing himself for whatever may happen today.
He had gotten even less sleep than usual the night before, tossing and turning while trying to decide if he should confess to Kazuya or not.
It was an incredible risk to tell his younger friend, he could lose everything he considered important in life. Kazuya could very possibly not want to have anything more to do with him, and not only would his hopes of a relationship go down the drain, but also his most treasured friendship.
However, there was a slight chance he could keep that friendship, and gain so much more.
Jin had finally decided to tell Kazuya, simply because the horrible feeling of indecision was becoming too much for him. Besides, he could always blame Yamapi and make his life miserable too if Kazuya rejected him.
Decision made, Jin wanted to talk to the younger boy as soon as possible before he lost his nerve and changed his mind.
He pushed open the door to their dressing room and looked around anxiously for his friend, frowning when he failed to see him. “Kazuya’s not here yet?” he asked Nakamaru.
Nakamaru glanced around the room, then raised an eyebrow. “He was here a minute ago, you must have just missed him.”
“Maybe he went to get a coffee or something.” Koki commented, also glancing around the room, seemingly puzzled how a boy could just disappear so quickly. “He didn’t even offer to get us something.” He pouted.
Jin groaned and marched out of the room, heading for a hallway where a few vending machines were located.
Back in KAT-TUN’s dressing room, inside a closet, buried under some costumes, Kame let out a deep sigh.
He cursed himself for his cowardice. He had been so sure he was ready to face Jin again; ready to step up and be the best friend that Jin deserved…
But when he had heard Jin’s footsteps in the hall, and pictured Jin looking for him to get advice on how to confess his love to a girl, listening as he poured out his heart’s innermost feelings for her, how much he wanted her-
Kame had panicked and hid.
He buried his face in his palms, irked with himself for avoiding Jin when his friend needed him.
He had allowed himself to cry last night. He had cried long and hard, trying his hardest to let out all of his feelings for Jin, hoping that it would be easier if he could just get it all out of his system. Jin didn’t want him; he wanted someone else. Kame couldn’t have him. He needed to face that fact and be there for his friend.
He had so hoped that allowing himself that emotional release would make it easier to talk to Jin, but now Kame wasn’t so sure.
Well that’s just tough Kamenashi. Jin’s your best friend and you’re going to be there for him. Get over your own selfish wants and help him.
As quietly as he could, Kame opened the closet door, trying not to draw attention to himself. He noticed Koki and Nakamaru talking a couple feet away from him, fortunately facing the opposite direction. He kept his eye on them as he crawled out on his hands and knees out of the closet toward the door and-
“Uh, Kame? Why were you in the closet? And, why are you on the floor?”
Kame’s eyes snapped up when he heard Ueda’s voice coming from one of the sofa’s near the door. Ueda was staring at him, looking both amused and curious. He must have just come in.
“Uh… well…” That was eloquent Kamenashi.
“You were in the closet Kame? What on earth were you doing in there?” Koki and Maru came over to stare at him as well, all looking down at him with innocent, curious expressions.
That’s when Kame realised he was still on the floor. “I was just looking for a costume, that’s all.” He said quickly as he stood up, giving his bandmates a sheepish smile and scratching the back of his head.
“Well, Jin was here. Looking for you.”
Kame feigned surprise. “Oh was he? Ah I should go find him then.” He gave an awkward laugh and wandered toward the door.
Koki and Nakamaru shrugged it off and went back to their conversation, but Ueda’s gaze remained locked with Kame’s, and he couldn’t help but feel like Ueda’s eyes could see into his soul. That boy could be downright creepy sometimes.
He was still attempting to free himself from Ueda’s creepy soul searching gaze as he backed out into the hallway, and into someone.
“Kazu!”
Jin. Great.
“I’ve been looking all over for you!”
“Oh really? I’ve been looking for you too!”
“In the closet.” Ueda deadpanned as he began to tune his guitar.
“Eh?” Jin seemed to notice there were other people present in the world.
“Nothing Jin, let’s go somewhere else ne?” Kame said and grabbed Jin’s wrist to lead him away from a possibly very embarrassing conversation.
Jin complied easily as Kame led him away, wanting to go somewhere private where the two of them could be alone. He felt himself grow increasingly nervous; he needed to do this soon before he talked himself out of it. “Uh Kazu? I kind of have something I need to tell you…” he said softly.
Kame closed his eyes briefly before forcing a smile onto his face. “Oh?”
“Yeah, can we go somewhere private?”
Kame just nodded and led them up to the roof. If the worst case scenario happened and he did end up breaking down, he didn’t want any more of an audience. Jin would be bad enough.
They reached the roof and sat down together in a corner, giving each other awkward little smiles.
“So um…” Jin began, staring at his hands in his lap, obviously nervous and not daring to look up at Kame.
He must really like this girl… Kame thought sadly.
“Well, what I wanted to tell you was…”
You can do this Kame. You can do this.
“See, for a while now I’ve been feeling…”
Be there for Jin. This is for Jin.
“Uh, how do I say this…”
Just spit it out already.
“I don’t really know how or when…” Apparently Jin is not very good with words.
I can do this. I can totally do this.
“But I think, for the first time… I may have.. f-fallen in l-“
Ohmygosh I can’t do this. “I think I know what you’re trying to say Jin.” Kame interrupted quickly before Jin could say anything more, giving Jin the biggest smile he could force out.
Jin finally looked up at him. “You… You do?” Jin felt his heart flutter in hope as he saw Kame’s bright smile. Could it be that he really…? He felt his eyes light up.
“Yamapi… kind of talks.” Kame said with a small chuckle.
Jin raised an eyebrow. “Yamapi told you?” he asks a little puzzled.
“Kind of, yeah. Don’t be mad at him though. He only wants to help you out.”
“I… I know but…”
“I’m glad he did though. Who knows how long it would’ve taken you to spit the words out.”
Jin looked down a little sheepishly, giving a slight smile.
“Well I just want you to know, I’m very happy to hear about it Jin.”
Jin looked up again at him, eyes positively glowing. “R-really?” he said with a huge smile. Oh my goodness he really does…
“Of course I am. I’m your best friend after all.” Dang I should get a freaking Oscar for this performance. “So, who is she?”
Jin’s expression contorted into something weird. “Huh?”
“The girl you like…? That person we’ve been talking about for the last several minutes…? Come on Bakanishi you can’t be that slow!”
“Oh… well…” Jin’s heart sank into his stomach.
“Okay you don’t have to tell me who just yet; I’ll have plenty of time to get to know her right? But Yamapi said that you’re worried about confessing to her.”
“Yamapi said that…” Jin was too confused and too upset to form any complete sentences.
“He told me he tried to convince you to tell her. Well I think he’s right Jin, you can’t just suffer in silence. You need to tell her. Any girl would be thrilled to be with you.”
Just any girl huh?
“I really want to see you happy Jin. She’ll love you, I know it. Go tell her so you can get together and eventually get married and have my little nieces and nephews ne?” Kame really hoped that he was getting through to Jin and encouraging him, because Kame didn’t know how long he would be able to keep up this act.
Jin looked again at his friend. Kazuya looked so excited for him; so happy that he had found someone he wanted to be with. So happy for him. Any hope Jin had for Kazuya secretly liking him too died inside his heart. There was no way that Kazuya had feelings for him. “Yeah… nieces and nephews. Got it.” He gave Kazuya a small smile and stood up. “Thanks Kazu, I feel better now.”
“I’m glad to hear that. So you’ll talk to her ne? Tell her?”
Never in a thousand years. “Yeah, I’ll tell her.”
Kame smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Jin didn’t really look all that relieved to be honest. Did he not really encourage Jin at all? Did… did Jin see through his little act? Had Jin figured him out?!
Jin gave him a smile and headed toward the entrance to the building, tripping over a small stone as he went before cursing at it.
Nah, Jin couldn’t have seen through that performance.
They got back downstairs just in time for dance practice, and the staff had so many different practices and rehearsals planned for them throughout the day that Kame and Jin didn’t really get the chance to talk much after that. And frankly, Kame was a little relieved about that. He wanted nothing more than to go home and cry again.
“Yo, Kame-chan!” Yamapi clamped onto him during one of their breaks, all curious smiles and conspiratory giggles. “You talk to Jin-kun yet?
Kame glanced over and Jin, who was currently being scolded for messing up yet another dance step. “Yeah, I did.”
“Great! Jin will listen to you for sure. And we can finally say goodbye to Grumpy-self-pity-san!” Yamapi gave more victorious chirps and skipped away, with Kame still staring at Jin.
“If only…”
He had lost Jin, and to make matters worse, it didn’t even seem like he had been able to cheer his dearest friend up. He really wasn’t worthy to be Jin’s friend at all was he?
He needed to fix it. He needed to put aside his heart’s pain and become a better friend.
Jin was worth it.
<><><><><><><><>
Jin held in a yawn as the choreographer scolded him for at least the third time that day for screwing up. His mind was not on dancing.
Kazuya wanted him to be happy. He had done his best to cheer him up, Jin could tell. Kazuya had been so unusually adamant when he spoke to him today; he seemed almost too cheerful; he must really want Jin to cheer up.
Jin knew his attitude wasn’t doing Kazuya any good, or anybody else for that matter. He was too busy in his own self-pity that he didn’t even notice that the boy he claimed to love was bothered by it.
It was time he straightened up and became a better friend, for Kazuya’s sake if not his own. Even if they could never be more than friends, it was worth holding in the unbearable pain if it was for him.
Kazuya was worth it.
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A/N: Before you ask, yes there will be a sequel XD. Although I'm not sure how long it will be before I get it written. The whole Japan disaster really has made writing more difficult for me. This one took me forever to finish because of it. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this, and remember to keep Japan in your prayers.
If you haven't already, and if you are able, please consider donating to help the relief service in Japan.
Comments=the warm fuzzy feelings.