3 months: missing and positivity
Its three months in (or out, or without,) and I'd like to think that I'm as fine as could be expected, (save for the debilitating introversion.) I've long since tried to remove the volatile vestiges (~alliteration unavoidable) of G from the normal course of my life. The pictures have long been removed from my wallet, her books have been spread around my bookshelf where they have no group sentimental power. Her files moved to an M folder on my desktop so I know where they are and can't one day spring no me on some random search or transfer.
I still miss her, of course, as my girlfriend, and as my bestfriend, (which isn't necessarily the same thing.) Either way, she was my window for vulnerability, avenue for complete honesty, my zero judgement zone. Its difficult quitting that, (and so, I really haven't.)
As she's already written, we're still in contact. Its weird, I know, but I still very much really on my catching her online 3-4 times a week, and our bimonthly emails. Its the slowest breakup of all time, but its essential for not drifting further apart than we already are. It keeps me stable and balanced, if nothing else (she's always been my Yin.)
Its more difficult being positive alone when you still yearn for the old comforts. Granted, the missing has gone from huge waves of melancholy to little remembrances leading to prolonged sighs. In that way, its, I'm, slightly better. But I AM missing her more now. (or perhaps now its more missing, when it was then grief?) To butcher a classic: the missing now is in the details. I miss her in everything now - pesto chicken and seeing aveneto, in books and good fiction, in hongkong-style noodles, in random couples hugging and kissing, in simply wanting someone to hold. And then there are the dreams, like last night's when I dreamt that she never left and everything was good and fine and warm.
(Maybe I miss her more but not as much?)
But I am trying to stay positive though. While her breakup songs run more along the lines of Nazareth's Love Hurts, and Aerosmith's Cryin', mine ring more like Escobar's Someone New, Ben Fold's Cologne, and Chris Breezy's Just Fine, (with a guilty Always Be My Baby from time to time.)
I wish us both the best in wherever our unique (though hopefully not far-divergent) roads will take us. I wish us both adventures and love, and adventures in love. (I've proposed the no obvious tampuhan clause in case one does find someone else, provided the other does not rub it in one's face.)
I miss her, but at the same time know that I have to get on with my life. I'm lonely, and lonely in a way that friends can't always fill (though hot chick friends are welcome to try.) I know G, and I know I'll be the first one looking for soemone new. Having said that, I may be the first one to move forward - or even on, but (and I may be shooting myself in the foot here,) part of me thinks I'll never really get over her.
I still miss her, of course, as my girlfriend, and as my bestfriend, (which isn't necessarily the same thing.) Either way, she was my window for vulnerability, avenue for complete honesty, my zero judgement zone. Its difficult quitting that, (and so, I really haven't.)
As she's already written, we're still in contact. Its weird, I know, but I still very much really on my catching her online 3-4 times a week, and our bimonthly emails. Its the slowest breakup of all time, but its essential for not drifting further apart than we already are. It keeps me stable and balanced, if nothing else (she's always been my Yin.)
Its more difficult being positive alone when you still yearn for the old comforts. Granted, the missing has gone from huge waves of melancholy to little remembrances leading to prolonged sighs. In that way, its, I'm, slightly better. But I AM missing her more now. (or perhaps now its more missing, when it was then grief?) To butcher a classic: the missing now is in the details. I miss her in everything now - pesto chicken and seeing aveneto, in books and good fiction, in hongkong-style noodles, in random couples hugging and kissing, in simply wanting someone to hold. And then there are the dreams, like last night's when I dreamt that she never left and everything was good and fine and warm.
(Maybe I miss her more but not as much?)
But I am trying to stay positive though. While her breakup songs run more along the lines of Nazareth's Love Hurts, and Aerosmith's Cryin', mine ring more like Escobar's Someone New, Ben Fold's Cologne, and Chris Breezy's Just Fine, (with a guilty Always Be My Baby from time to time.)
I wish us both the best in wherever our unique (though hopefully not far-divergent) roads will take us. I wish us both adventures and love, and adventures in love. (I've proposed the no obvious tampuhan clause in case one does find someone else, provided the other does not rub it in one's face.)
I miss her, but at the same time know that I have to get on with my life. I'm lonely, and lonely in a way that friends can't always fill (though hot chick friends are welcome to try.) I know G, and I know I'll be the first one looking for soemone new. Having said that, I may be the first one to move forward - or even on, but (and I may be shooting myself in the foot here,) part of me thinks I'll never really get over her.