The good with the bad
I woke up this morning without you dear. Five years alone. Five years. It seems like an eternity. It seems like only yesterday I held your hand for the last time. You told me not to be sad. You told me everything would be okay. You were always the one taking care of me, even at the end.
Love is a strange thing. It holds me here, not allowing me to move on.
I have good days, and then I have days like today.
Somehow I forgott that you wouldn't be here next to me when I woke up. I didn't open my eyes at first. Hoping it was all a dream. I still sleep on one side of our bed. Your pillows still smell like you.
Maybe it would be different, maybe I've been dreaming these five years. But alas, you are not here. You can't come back. The pain is fresh again, the loss unbearable for a moment. I weep into my hands, painfull, wracking sobs.
Beth called a little after breakfast. I tried to hide the pain in my voice, but she could tell I was upsett. I suppose no matter their age, little girls don't like to hear their daddys cry. She must have called Seth, because he stopped by for dinner. We sat in the living room and watched TV, ate microwaved dinner. We didn't speak. Seth promised to come by on Saturday, but he's going to be too busy with three kids of his own.
It's eleven thirty. I'm sitting in the rocking chair in the living room. The house is quiet now. The wind blows through the open windows, stirring the curtains. There is a gentle perfume of lillacs filling the house. I can feel sleep sneaking up on me, making my eyelids heavy. I know I should get up and go lay down in bed, but I am so comfortable. Sleep steals over me.
I wake moments later. Someone is in the house. They are humming in the kitchen. I rise from my chair, still sleepy. You come out of the kitchen with a smile and a wink for me. I turn slowly and watch as you go about watering the plants, knowing it's just a dream. I can feel your arms wrapp around me as you kiss the back of my neck. Turning to take you in my arms I see myself sitting, slouched over in the chair. You smile and embrace me again, whispering in my ear that everything will be okay...
Love is a strange thing. It holds me here, not allowing me to move on.
I have good days, and then I have days like today.
Somehow I forgott that you wouldn't be here next to me when I woke up. I didn't open my eyes at first. Hoping it was all a dream. I still sleep on one side of our bed. Your pillows still smell like you.
Maybe it would be different, maybe I've been dreaming these five years. But alas, you are not here. You can't come back. The pain is fresh again, the loss unbearable for a moment. I weep into my hands, painfull, wracking sobs.
Beth called a little after breakfast. I tried to hide the pain in my voice, but she could tell I was upsett. I suppose no matter their age, little girls don't like to hear their daddys cry. She must have called Seth, because he stopped by for dinner. We sat in the living room and watched TV, ate microwaved dinner. We didn't speak. Seth promised to come by on Saturday, but he's going to be too busy with three kids of his own.
It's eleven thirty. I'm sitting in the rocking chair in the living room. The house is quiet now. The wind blows through the open windows, stirring the curtains. There is a gentle perfume of lillacs filling the house. I can feel sleep sneaking up on me, making my eyelids heavy. I know I should get up and go lay down in bed, but I am so comfortable. Sleep steals over me.
I wake moments later. Someone is in the house. They are humming in the kitchen. I rise from my chair, still sleepy. You come out of the kitchen with a smile and a wink for me. I turn slowly and watch as you go about watering the plants, knowing it's just a dream. I can feel your arms wrapp around me as you kiss the back of my neck. Turning to take you in my arms I see myself sitting, slouched over in the chair. You smile and embrace me again, whispering in my ear that everything will be okay...