(no subject)
Wish I had something to write.
I feel the need to pour out my soul, but when I try I don't get more than a drop or two. I feel empty inside and on the outside I'm alone. Nobody to talk to buy myself and right now I'm poor company. I feel the urge to run away again, but I know that won't solve my problems. Because as it's been said "Wherever you go, there you are." I am starting to remember this feeling. I used to be like this all the time. I think that's why I got into relationships that were doomed from the start. I felt so horrible that any change would have to be good. Well, they weren't. This world fucking sucks. People are self-involved arrogant assholes that wouldn't know a decent person if they saved their lives 3 times in a single day. I don't know who I am any more. I'm not the same person I used to be, but I'm not sure who I've become. I feel like some sort of shapeshifter. I've been becoming what everyone wants to see for so long that I don't know what I was in the first place or what I want myself to be. The only thing I can honestly say I have ever felt strongly about in life is love and I'm not even sure I know what that is any more. I've used it at times when I'm pretty sure I didn't feel it. Gah, who am I? What do I really like? When I'm by myself I do basically nothing. Insert a person who wants to do something...anything. What's my response? Sure, why not? It's like I don't have an opinion about anything and that scares me. I want something to believe in and it's just not there. The only things I seem to truly enjoy are books and movies and occasional games. But I think I just enjoy those because I don't really have to think. Just watch and feel what the characters are feeling. I think that's why I would like to write, but I can't ever seem to keep with an idea for long before dismissing it as stupid or boring. It's so important to me that I don't want to mess it up. When I was in High School I did some free form role playing on the net and I got so into the characters that I would cry when a relationship fell apart or they couldn't be with the one they wanted. That was some crazy stuff. But that's where the character I want to write about was born. His name is Caramus and someday I will write a book about him. Well, for not having anything to write I sure have written a lot. I think that's enough for now. Now to figure out how to LJ cut.
I feel the need to pour out my soul, but when I try I don't get more than a drop or two. I feel empty inside and on the outside I'm alone. Nobody to talk to buy myself and right now I'm poor company. I feel the urge to run away again, but I know that won't solve my problems. Because as it's been said "Wherever you go, there you are." I am starting to remember this feeling. I used to be like this all the time. I think that's why I got into relationships that were doomed from the start. I felt so horrible that any change would have to be good. Well, they weren't. This world fucking sucks. People are self-involved arrogant assholes that wouldn't know a decent person if they saved their lives 3 times in a single day. I don't know who I am any more. I'm not the same person I used to be, but I'm not sure who I've become. I feel like some sort of shapeshifter. I've been becoming what everyone wants to see for so long that I don't know what I was in the first place or what I want myself to be. The only thing I can honestly say I have ever felt strongly about in life is love and I'm not even sure I know what that is any more. I've used it at times when I'm pretty sure I didn't feel it. Gah, who am I? What do I really like? When I'm by myself I do basically nothing. Insert a person who wants to do something...anything. What's my response? Sure, why not? It's like I don't have an opinion about anything and that scares me. I want something to believe in and it's just not there. The only things I seem to truly enjoy are books and movies and occasional games. But I think I just enjoy those because I don't really have to think. Just watch and feel what the characters are feeling. I think that's why I would like to write, but I can't ever seem to keep with an idea for long before dismissing it as stupid or boring. It's so important to me that I don't want to mess it up. When I was in High School I did some free form role playing on the net and I got so into the characters that I would cry when a relationship fell apart or they couldn't be with the one they wanted. That was some crazy stuff. But that's where the character I want to write about was born. His name is Caramus and someday I will write a book about him. Well, for not having anything to write I sure have written a lot. I think that's enough for now. Now to figure out how to LJ cut.