I'm Sorry, So Sorry, I'm Sorry We Do This

[dead_black_eyes]

Characters: L, Mello, and Near
Location: Near and Mello's apartment, Death City Heights, Building 2
Rating: PG-13 for... possible swearing? Will update as necessary.
Time: December 30
Description: The day after Mello found L looking for warm clothes in a dumpster, he has been adopted as a stray and welcomed into the household of his two successors

Comments

[dead_black_eyes]

L's compulsive behavior had nothing to do with the habits of Mello and Near or even high standards, and everything to do with compulsion. Though he interpreted the change in environment as a positive development, it was subconsciously disturbing to him, and that manifested in the rearrangement and careful cleaning of objects he wasn't yet used to seeing every day. Victims would later grow to include Near's toys and books and kitchen ingredients. On energetic days, furniture, as well.

Whether the questionably helpful coping mechanism was directly L's fault or not, though, it wouldn't be long before things got bad. Especially if Mello was already irritated. L seemed to briefly pick up on the slightly strained note in Mello's tone, but it was gone quickly, and it could have been the sticky dryness of a morning mouth altering his voice.

"I hadn't planned on it..." L said cautiously taking down a coffee cup (he'd learned their location the night before) and automatically checking it for water spots. Frowning, he turned on the sink and started to rinse it, polishing it until it squeaked and was completely free of any unsightly marks. "There's plenty to do around here... the truth is I need a bit of time to settle in, I think..."

[want_the_world]

This didn't feel right, and Mello didn't know whose fault it was, or if there were even fault to be assigned, which made it doubly frustrating. Was something the matter with him, that he couldn't enjoy this? It was a dream come true, being able to help L, having him right here, safe and alive, albeit Death City's version of each, which was only ever temporarily safe, and a definition of 'alive' he didn't know half enough about.

Maybe Mello needed some time to get used to it, too. He'd never had to share space with anyone back home, unless going from hideout to hideout with Matt counted. He didn't think it did; that had been work, and Matt, who'd always been the most laid-back of any of them.

"I'm going. I'll see what I can learn about difficult resonation."

[dead_black_eyes]

If their current dynamic and interaction was anything to go on, the sheer strangeness of the situation would only increase as the days wore on. The combination of familiar (Mello and Near) and novel (actually having to interact with them every day) would start to wear on L, and he'd look for more excuses to be out than he had when he'd stayed alone in Casualty Communal.

For now, though, things felt manageable, if tense. Boundaries had yet to be strongly defined on either side.

"Do that... and please tell me what you find out," L said, pouring himself a cup of coffee and dumping half the bowl of sugar into it. "And... while you're out, maybe you could pick up some more sugar cubes? I far prefer them in that shape, and the ones you had are gone..."

[want_the_world]

"Sure, I'll get some."

He poured himself some coffee, too, but didn't add anything to it, and leaned back against the counter, legs crossed in front of him.

"I think our resonance problem comes down to being too much alike. Too individually assertive to be compatible." Mello didn't mind this terribly, and he was almost positive a deeper look at how resonance worked would bear it out. It was flattering to think he was that much like L. And for all that he'd realized how many superficial similarities L and the twit shared, the way he and Mello approached things had a lot in common. There was a time for sitting back and observing, but if you wanted things to happen, you had to make them happen. Both them knew it, and Near still didn't fully grasp it.

[dead_black_eyes]

L nodded briskly. If Mello got him what he wanted when he asked for it, it could work. Just like living with Watari, really... and it helped that L really didn't ask for very much in the first place. Sugar cubes were as cheap as they were bad for his teeth.

"I've been doing some poking around myself, actually... and no one's ever heard about anything like what happened to us. In a city of unique resonation combinations and incidents, ours was an anomaly. Your ability to resonate with Near hasn't suffered since, has it?"

L didn't mention that he hadn't even tried to resonate with anyone since his attempt with Mello. While he was willing to take a lot of risks, he really did prefer to know as much as possible about the distance before he leaped. It wasn't enough to simply have faith in his own cleverness. Maybe he used to think so... but even if he regretted nothing about that life, he knew that this one might require a slightly different approach.

[want_the_world]

Mello wasn't about to deny L anything he wanted, especially when what he wanted was as small as that. Eventually, he would probably become annoyed with fetching and carrying, but his tolerance where L was concerned was high.

"I haven't found anyone who's heard of it, either, but no. Our resonance has its ups and downs, but not because of that." Mello still firmly attributed most of the problems to Near being not just a jealous prat, but underhanded about it to boot. Getting his knickers in a twist over Mello's friendship with Lili wasn't as bad as trying to recruit Matt and Gemini to turn Mello against her.

"I seriously doubt it broke your ability to resonate with other people, if that's what you're concerned about."

[dead_black_eyes]

"I'm not concerned... I don't think that anything's broken, not really..." he took another sip of coffee before opening a drawer and beginning to hunt around for a spoon he considered "clean"; he started examining them, one by one, setting them back in the drawer if there was even one water spot. "It's just that many opportunities haven't really arisen, since. Most of the people I've met and feel that I could work with are either Weapons or they already have partners. That, and... it seems like finding a partner to resonate with is a lot like asking someone on a date, isn't it? I've never been good at that."

[want_the_world]

Mello tried to avoid thinking about the ways being combat partners paralleled being partners of an entirely different sort, especially lately. (He also had to wonder if L had ever been on a date at all. Mello certainly hadn't.)

"I prefer to consider it a business partnership. You have to get along. You don't necessarily have to like each other."

That wasn't what Stein had said, but who was he to say Mello had to change?

He caught himself starting to reach for the rosary tucked under his vest, and checked the motion. Why did that always happen? It wasn't as if it had been a gift; it was his, and Near had returned it, as was only right.

[dead_black_eyes]

L tilted his head, turning towards the flash of some beads that had registered in his peripheral vision.

"You've had that for many years, haven't you? Maybe you could explain it to me... I've never understood talismans, but some seem to take a great deal of comfort in touching them..."

[want_the_world]

"This is either mine, or an alternate version of mine, depending on how you look at it." Now Mello did touch the rosary, fingers skimming over the beads in a motion that was almost automatic, except for how these had unfamiliar flaws in them, melted and charred places his had never had.

"It's all I have left of my life before the House. I had mine with me when I got to Death City, but I lost it in Linz. This is the one Near had, from the church where I died." He was proud of the even, level way that last part came out. That he was dead was inescapable fact, but Mello had spoken of it more often than he'd thought about it.

[dead_black_eyes]

L moved closer, reaching for the beads without permission. He handled them delicately, though, and made no attempt to take them from Mello. He seemed fascinated by someone with a past, a personal history that they actually wanted to hang onto and remember.

"That was thoughtful of Near. Keeping this... it was either because he considered it a trophy or because he liked you. Since he returned it to you, I really would think that it was the latter..."

[want_the_world]

Mello blinked, the equivalent, for him, of an outright double take, and let his hand fall, not minding L's curiosity.

"He gave it to me when I was in the clinic," he said quietly, almost unwillingly, distracted by L's interpretation and by how correct it was. Was it always obvious to everyone but me, then?

"Unusually sentimental of him." And the wall was back up, the memories of that moment behind it where they belonged.

[dead_black_eyes]

L took his time examining the beads, his slender fingertips handling them as though afraid to leave prints. After he'd turned the crucifix over a couple of times, he let it rest against Mello's chest and withdrew his hand.

"Isn't that why it's significant?"

[want_the_world]

"Hm, I suppose." L was right, as usual. Mello had thought holding onto the rosary for years was out of character for Near, until he'd thought it over with the knowledge in mind that Near really hadn't hated him. He never had.

That didn't make Mello feel better about this. Why couldn't the twit hate him properly, like a normal person? It was all very unsatisfying. Unrequited hate, he couldn't help but think, and frowned.

"I'd still rather he hadn't."

[dead_black_eyes]

L turned back toward the counter, taking a small sip of coffee and deciding that it needed more sugar. Quite a lot more sugar.

"I think that if you really felt that way, you wouldn't have kept it after he'd returned it to you. Is it the fact that... no, I'm sorry. You're uncomfortable talking about this, I should let the matter rest and let you go to training. Prying is a bad habit of mine, and I'll work on it."

[want_the_world]

"It's mine, I have every right to keep it."

Mello didn't really want to think about this, or talk about it, but both were strangely irresistible. Like picking at a scab. Or maybe the belief that figuring shit out would make it better was so completely ingrained in him that he had to look for answers, even if he knew none were likely to be found, or were almost guaranteed to be unsettling if they were.

"You're not prying, anyway. This is the sort of shit normal people talk about." Normal friends, even. They dissected each other's relationships to make sense of them, right? Mello didn't know. He'd always had too much else going on. "If you have a theory, I'd love to hear it."