Fall to Madness [Closed to those responding to SOS]
Characters: Himura Tomoe, Himura Kenshin, Kamiya Kaoru, potentially other people???
Location: Northeast edge of the city on the outskirts of the park
Rating: PG-13
Time: Dec 21st, early evening
Description: Tomoe encounters a section of the city where the madness wavelength has filtered in, as well as a kishin egg. After making an SOS post, Kenshin ( Read more... )
Location: Northeast edge of the city on the outskirts of the park
Rating: PG-13
Time: Dec 21st, early evening
Description: Tomoe encounters a section of the city where the madness wavelength has filtered in, as well as a kishin egg. After making an SOS post, Kenshin ( Read more... )
Her voice softened, a gentle plead. "Kenshin..please. You've got to stop this. Giving up like this? That isn't you. " A lump formed in her throat. "Right now, your heart is in a lot of pain, isn't it? I know. I know that--...you said that the only way to protect others was to kill them. But I also know..that above all else, your heart Kenshin, wants to protect others--and doesn't want to truly destroy anything."
She bent down, her arms on her knees, staring at him with sad blue eyes. "A kind man, someone very important to me, told me that my belief in swords that couldn't kill was a naive lie. But he also told me..that he didn't want it to be just an idea. He wanted that to be a truth for himself to live by, and many others..." She smiled a little.
"That man, was you, Kenshin. The one you're trying to let go of. That is the man I am looking for. The one beyond Hitokiri Battousai, or the rurouni..Kenshin. And he is a man that will not give up, or break his promises. Without fail."
She couldn't cry. She wouldn't cry--
"..You have suffered so much..and lost more than anyone ever should. And you think this is what you deserve. A world without forgiveness, or friendship, or love.." She gritted her teeth. "I always thought you were an idiot but I didn't realize--I didn't see that. And I'm sorry. But you do not deserve this. If I have to say it a thousand times, if I have to beat it into your head with a bokken, I will fight everyday to tell you this: " She took a deep breath, and looked him square in the eyes. No fear.
"Himura Kenshin's life, is not meant for atonement alone."
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And her words woke something in him. Recognition in his eyes went from flickering to flashing, vague highlights of his time in the Kamiya dojo flashing through his mind. Remembering.
"Kenshin... Kenshin..."
Who was that man? Not Himura, not Battousai, only Kenshin. She'd said that to him once: that she didn't think of Kenshin as Battousai. That they were two different men and that he could live a new, different life with her. It wasn't about forgetting, or living in his guilt; it was a second chance. But a life not meant for atonement...
Like he'd done once before, Kenshin raised the fist that held his sword and punched himself full in the face. He unclenched his hand, let the sword fall, and stared at the imprinted lines the hilt had left across his palm. "If Himura Kenshin's life is not meant for atonement," he said quietly, "then what is it? The answer that I seek has evaded me for so long... I cannot find it. And to walk that lost path every day-what good am I?"
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What could she say? She wanted him to live with her, by her side. She wanted to see him smile a true smile, without any pain...She wanted his life to be filled with happiness, and warm people that loved him for who he was not who he had been.
And even though Kaoru had seen Battousai, she didn't deny it was a part of Kenshin, past or not. But she saw the man he wanted to be, and that was who she counted! Her heart was aching inside of her, as she thought of all the things she wanted to say. So much emotion in her heart it was fit to burst.
She tugged on his sleeve back and forth, lowering her head. "Idiot..you idiot. " Kaoru whispered, lifting eyes filled with tears. "How could you say that? 'No good'? A lost path? I never want to hear those words from you again!" Her voice rose, as she reached for his hand, clasping it in both of hers.
"How could Himura Kenshin not be any good--all he's done. The people he's protected since that day we met..Yahiko, Sanosuke, Megumi-san...the people of Japan! ..me. How could that path be lost?! " She shouted, tears rolling down her cheeks.
"For all these years, you've held back on not killing. You kept your promise to your wife, who only wants your happiness! Would she give it to someone who wasn't any good? No! She did it because she saw what I see! A man who only wants to protect people! " She shut her eyes. "Who doesn't run from his sins, but accepts them--but continues to move looking for the answer! And along the way.." Tears spilled onto her hands, still firmly clutching that calloused hand.
"Along the way..he's gained people who want to walk on that 'lost path' with him! " Kaoru's shoulders began to shake, as she looked up, a smile on her face, even as her voice cracked.
"Kenshin..I traveled all the way from Tokyo to Kyoto just to see you again. Would I do that for someone who was 'no good'? You promised me we would go home together..to Tokyo. Will you forget that promise? I haven't had it granted yet. I..I haven't welcomed you home." A sob escaped. "You told me that as long as you had strength, you would continue searching for that answer, no matter what. You said that I could help you, that even I could give you strength.. " A squeeze of his hand.
"You aren't alone Kenshin. I can't find your answers for you, but I can promise you that I'll be there, helping you as best I can! It can't replace human life, or loss, or the past--but you will never be alone! You can't give up yet! You can't! " She shut her eyes tightly, quiet sobs sounding in the empty forest.
"And if nothing else..--you've brought nothing but good into my life. Before I met you..I was alone. If you stay here..I'll be alone again. Because---I.." Kaoru swallowed.
"I need you, Kenshin. I need you..." She looked up at him, tears stubbornly rolling down her cheeks, her face a mix of pleading and tenderness.
"..come back with me. Come back.."
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Kenshin's voice was quiet, and he looked away from Kaoru when he spoke. He couldn't face her like this, not when she was baring her soul to him and he could hardly bear to show her his. But he had to. He knew he had to, when she was reaching out like that, and there was a desperate desire deep within in him for someone to hear everything he kept in, to know it and accept all of him. And if there was one person he knew could do that, it was Kaoru.
"I've been running from them for ten years, trying to find a way to put them behind me. And I hardly expected to see the worst sin of all face me once more in this city."
His hand turned under hers, returning that pressure just barely-so lightly.
"But it's not about running from it any more, is it. I need to face that past and accept it."
Because while he'd always known he'd never be able to shake of the stains on his soul from the kills he'd made as the Battousai, there had been a need to completely separate himself: building the persona of rurouni, the silly clumsy wanderer who loved doing laundry and let himself be caught in the streets by a woman, vowing to save lives one by one to make himself into a totally different man. It had probably been that desire for separation that had first caused the true personality split of the Battousai within him-the personality who fought for the kill with no regret, unlike the youth who felt the stain of every kill on his hands even through each day and each mission.
And look what that had caused for him. Simply trying to make that split wouldn't fix it. Nothing would fix it. But if he could accept the words that Tomoe had tried to impress upon him each time they'd spoken, if he could understand that Kaoru truly did accept all of him as he was, suddenly his answers became clear. It wasn't about atoning any longer. He was already on a new path. Living his life a new way by protecting every soul before him with his heart and sword-the very meaning of his own name.
And he pulled, drawing Kaoru into his arms and burying his face against the curve of her neck.
"It's Kaoru-dono who's given this one the answers," Kenshin said, voice slightly muffled. "The day you first said you didn't care who I was, I was truly happy. But I didn't understand what that meant until now. I cannot leave Kaoru-dono alone... cannot even think to let myself do anything but be there to protect you. To protect people before me one by one. So Kaoru-dono, please...
"Bring this one back. Welcome me home once again-to wherever you are."
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"You can..You can Kenshin." Kaoru whispered softly instead, somehow finding her voice, the weight of something was tugging at her. But nothing was more important than hearing his words.
When he pulled her into his arms, when she felt him, his soul, against hers, completely vulnerable, a legend, humbled beyond words before her--Kaoru was silenced. She could feel him closer than she ever had before and the happiness of that, the painful joy of being so close to him--for that instant it was enough. She wanted to tell him she was strong, she could protect herself, but she knew it was more than that. It was his way of saying he wanted to take care of her as much as she wanted to take care of him--wasn't it? Could a silly girl like her even hope..?
After all they had gone through that year, here they were, in an empty forest with frozen feelings of grief and loss-- Kenshin clutching her to himself as he hid his face. It was so beautiul, so poignant, that she was silenced. Kenshin had found his answer. Her heart broke. But not from pain..the happiness was so great. So profound. That would have been enough for her. But then...then--
To wherever you are.
You.
Her.
Her.
Home was..but that almost sounded like he was saying she was home.
(It hit her like a ton of bricks)
'Home is where..I am?'
She sat in the snow in a silent stupor, her arms slack at her sides.
No one ever stayed.
She knew that..she knew someday everyone would leave..somewhere in her heart. And once again it would no longer be a home. She would no longer be needed or wanted..--
and to hear someone say that..--to hear Kenshin say it.
The tears snaked down Kaoru's face, as she lifted her trembling arms and wrapped them around his neck, burying her face in his shoulder as she finally, finally wept. She could no longer hold back her tears. Kaoru cried quietly, her hands clenched into his hair, his neck, that soft scent that was Kenshin..just him. And it was truly enough.
"Kenshin...-Kenshin.." She repeated, a hitched sob escaping her throat as she pulled back, her hands on his shoulders, her face breaking into a smile so bright it hurt.
"Let's go back, Kenshin. Together." She moved forward to embrace him, as she felt the forest around them fade in little pinpoints of light, her vision blurring until she could no longer feel him in her arms.
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Kenshin settled back, feeling a wave of exhaustion wash over him. He had very little idea what had just happened, except for the few moments in his mind when he'd come again to his senses, and could only blink at Kaoru and the tessen and let out a mumbled "Oro...?"
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Panting, Kaoru blinked heavy lids between sweat-soaked bangs, wondering why her vision was so blurry. All she really needed to see was Kenshin and his face right now. That was alright. Her eyes went down to the tessen, opening her mouth to speak only to find words wouldn’t come. Her throat wouldn’t move and she was so tired. Her cracked lips formed a apologetic smile at the tessen as it slid out of her burnt hand, the white indention of it in her hand white against the darker skin. She had been clutching it so tightly…
She vaguely thought it would have hurt Tomoe-san..and she wanted to say sorry but the words wouldn’t come. She took a step, only to feel her body sway a bit backwards, righting herself dazedly as she focused stubbornly on Kenshin, eyes half open. She had to speak to him at least. This felt familiar. This almost felt like when Jin’e had taken her. She could barely find the strength to speak now.
“.you alright? ...” She rasped, her dirtied, pale face lit in a warm, tired smile. She searched his face with half-open eyes, only to pause as she heard the Oro. The beginnings of tears pricked her slowly widening eyes, as her mouth opened just so, her eyes crinkling as she offered him a tired, happy smile.
“-- good..you’ll be alright now…” She assured him, voice slightly slurred, her eyes beginning to flutter shut. “so..--…welcome back…Ken..shin……--” Taking a step towards him, Kaoru suddenly sighed, her shoulders slumping, her knees buckling as she started to fall.
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But that wasn't it at all. Kaoru was there, but not there--just as much as Kenshin was not a handful of steps before them. Tomoe didn't understand exactly what was happening, but she understood enough. Kaoru was doing exactly what she'd said to do: call him back. No, this was more than simply calling--she was leading him back somehow. Tomoe could feel the imprint of the girl's emotions through their resonance, strong and visceral and seemingly with a life of their own--that more than anything told her that it was alright--that this was meant to happen, whatever it was.
And so she could only do what she was able to--continue to hold back the wavelength that was still thick in the air and to keep it from latching onto Kaoru so that she could accomplish their goal without the struggle for sanity and to send her own emotions back across the resonance like an open circuit when she felt any kind of doubt or fear begin to take hold, like a subtle reserve of strength. After all, that was the role she had always fallen into. She had always been there in the background, to be the pillar of support holding up those around her when they began to fall. It was the most natural thing for her to do the same here--and the only thing she could do.
She recognized the turn, could feel it coming through Kaoru's emotions--the sudden and complete relief, the joy was poignant--and so she was not shocked when she saw Kenshin move again, her own relief coming through as the resonance began to dwindle. Her odd disembodied vision turned back up to Kaoru and her voice came again, quietly saying the girl's name--because really, she didn't look well.
A second later Tomoe felt herself falling, and with that same almost liquid sensation as before, she felt her form almost dissolve back to its natural state as she met the ground. She held her injured arm close to her chest, the other bracing her weight. Her head swam as she tried to gather her barrings again between the change and the sudden return (or perhaps arrival was the better word) of the pain radiating from her arm.
She looked up again, brows drawing as she tried to push the awareness back again and focus on the two people before her, and let out a relieved sigh, seeing not only movement from Kenshin, but recognition. Kaoru had pulled him back--if there was any lingering question it was erased by the look on his face.
"Kaoru-san--" she gasped as the girl began to fall, her vision speckling with the sudden movement as she turned back with no real hope of moving fast enough from her own spot on the ground to break the fall.
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He tried to speak, ask what happened, but words were caught in his throat. He simply couldn't get them out-until finally he registered the wound on her arm and managed to say, "You need help."
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"We... both..." she mumbled, starting to right herself only to slump forward onto her good arm again as the world spun and her vision speckled to black. Her body was torn between acute pain and a fogged numbness. She knew this feeling--knew it more intimately than any living person should have, and for the first time since the kishin had first set upon her that cold terror gripped her. She barely registered the words she mumbled, hanging there waiting for her vision to come back into focus, "Yes... I need help... I need help..."
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