Fall to Madness [Closed to those responding to SOS]

[willing_sheath]

Characters: Himura Tomoe, Himura Kenshin, Kamiya Kaoru, potentially other people???

Location: Northeast edge of the city on the outskirts of the park

Rating: PG-13

Time: Dec 21st, early evening

Description: Tomoe encounters a section of the city where the madness wavelength has filtered in, as well as a kishin egg. After making an SOS post, Kenshin

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[willing_sheath]

There was a brief, fleeting moment when she'd thought he'd snapped out of it--in those days it had been her harsh bluntness that had cleared the fog away--but this wasn't the same. The Kenshin back then had been on the brink of losing himself, with this poisoned air it wasn't a matter of clearing his vision, it was a matter of pulling him back. She had no chance of doing that when she was the cause of him going over the edge in the first place.

Tomoe turned toward Kaoru more directly and she could see the other girl struggling with what to her still only felt like a lingering hiss on the fringe of her mind even here in what seemed the center of it. Her heart hammered in her chest like a gong, Kaoru's words echoing through her mind. And her eyes widened again, eyes looking past Kaoru, unfocused. "It does mean something..." her answer was soft, her blood-soaked hands going limp for the moment in Kaoru's.

Think of the one thing most important to you and focus on the feelings that thing represents.

What was most important to her had been her family. It had always been her family. And right now all that she had of her family, no matter how distant or detached was about to be lost if they didn't stop it. She took a deep breath as that strange understanding settled over her, as if a veil had been pulled back from her eyes.

"I can't reach him now... my voice is only going to push him further away..." her eyes slid shut, her breath exhaling slowly while her head tilted back and her hands gripped Kaoru's tightly. The shift... it was like water rushing up around her and her mind briefly drifting to that point between consciousness and sleep--and in an instant her physical injured body had transformed into a long folded tessen in Kaoru's hands. "You're the one who needs to call him back, Kaoru-san. I can't help him, but I can help you. I can protect you from the wavelength--so do what you need to save him."

[givingsword]

Kaoru stared at her with tears slipping down her cheeks. "Tomoe-san..." As she gripped her hands, she could feel the wind around them begin to stir, whipping her hair back, as she held the tessen in her hands. "I won't let you down, Tomoe-san. I..we'll do this together!" She could feel her heart race in overdrive, as her breath came back. A sense of strength filled her heart, no, that was it. It was her heart. That had always been Kaoru's strength, and now, with Tomoe as a fan in her hand, Kaoru could feel herself slowly rise to her legs.

The madness, that weight on her lungs, it was dissipating. She held the fan out, with both hands, as if it were a blade, no longer was she a girl in a kimono. She was the Shihandai, the proud heir to Koushijirou Kamiya, a swordsman. And she was going to do what her teachings said.

Revitalize.

Still, that air was surrounding Kenshin. She had to trust Tomoe to support her as she walked back into it. "Kenshin. " Kaoru said simply, her smile a little tired, but assuring. "Wait for me. " She repeated his words, taking a step. "I'm sorry--but I can't wait for you anymore. I know I said I would but--it's your turn, now. " Her smile widened, her eyes crinkling softly. "I..will definitely save you."

We'll both save him, right Tomoe-san? Kaoru's voice was fiercely confident in Tomoe's head, as she held out the tessen, feeling a slight pressure beneath her feet. Rocks and pebbles were slowly rising off the ground, as if there were some sort of funnel of air beneath them.

Blue eyes closed, as she forced herself to concentrate. It wasn't hard to think of what was most important when it was standing in front of you. She felt her throat close up as the memories surged in her mind, a weightless feeling encompassing her...

"But I don't think your Father would want you to lose your life, Kaoru-dono."

"This one is sorry, he just didn't want you to find out if you didn't have to. "

"But it's this one's hope that her ideals may become the truth of this world. "

"You didn't care that I was the Hitokiri Battousai. It was an amazing thing.."

"Don't cry, Kaoru-dono. Sometimes feelings just don't reach.."

"Thank you for everything..and farewell."

Something cracked in Kaoru, as memories swirled for all to see in her link with Tomoe. Kenshin on the streets, Kaoru and Kenshin on the porch, Yahiko practicing in front of them. Kenshin smiling his famous smile, gently placing his hand on her shoulder as Kaoru quietly let tears roll down her cheeks, his mouth opening to say comforting words. Her bokken coming down on his head as she ran him around the dojo. Kaoru beaming a good-morning to him, Kenshin happily offering her and the others breakfast, a group of warm people..strange, but that sense of family was prevalent. Kenshin taking her ribbon with a smile..

A dark night, and Kaoru, blinking back surprised tears as her lips parted, the familiar redhead releasing her as he turned, walking away...until her blurry eyes could no longer see his figure--...

CRACK.

Kaoru didn't realize she had let loose a piercing cry until her eyes shot open those small rocks hovering around her body as she felt it. That surge of power. Holding Tomoe's weapon-form in her arms, she brought it down towards Kenshin, towards the palpable air she knew was piercing his heart, his mind, his spirit...

The wind that escaped was nothing short of magnificent. Gusts of cold, fresh air escaped the tessen..

So this..is this resonance..?! Tomoe-san! I'm counting on you!

[maashiro]

Kenshin's face and body grew tenser when Kaoru rose and spoke to him, his maddened eyes not recognising that his wife had just turned into a tessen or that anything had changed about the meister. But the madness itself within him recognised resonance, and in turn it only turned around to double in strength as though to try to ward it off in advance-to spread it to the weapon and meister pair.

tenchuu tenchuu tenchuu tenchuu

It was forcing him to remember the days when he killed in the shadows. He didn't even see where he stood any more, only saw the rain of blood and the fall of bodies around him, the numbers that he could take out singlehandedly with the godspeed of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu. He'd been lost in his blind belief in what he was doing was for the greater good, in a lack of purpose, in the scent of blood always on his tongue and staining his hands. But this time he didn't just teeter between sanity and madness. This time he accepted it, who he was as a hitokiri-that he would always taste death by his own hands, and he should lose himself to the feeling to escape the guilt.

With a feral growl he moved towards them, lifting the sword in both hands now, but before he could take more than a few steps he took the blast of air face-first. He choked, took a huge gasp of air, and dropped to his knees (though he didn't let go of the sword). This wasn't the way to deal with his guilt. Giving into the blood-

But this way there was pain. So much pain if he let himself know just the gravity of the sins he committed. If he gave in to the madness, let himself be overwhelmed, he'd never have to feel the weight of so many deaths on his soul again....

He stayed on the ground.

[willing_sheath]

It was odd how Tomoe could not see herself and yet she now intrinsically knew what her form was and had a general idea of what she could do. How was it that this concept seemed so horrifically foreign and alien a week ago and now, even though she still recognized it as being strange it seemed perfectly natural. It seemed right. Her vision in the form was strange-she could see even though she was aware that she had no body, no neck to turn her head, and yet she saw and could look up at Kaoru and over to Kenshin.

There were no words to describe the resonance-much like there were no words to truly describe the feeling of transforming for that first time. But it was there. And it was powerful. The void she had been carrying with her for so long seemed to be filled in that moment with that fierce unyielding desire to save Kenshin from this-and that need melded with Kaoru’s in such a way that the power between the two amplified in a whirlwind. In that moment Tomoe could feel the madness wavelength as it threatened to crush her meister and pushed it back so that stranglehold couldn’t find purchase.

Tomoe’s gaze fell on Kenshin even as she was swept about by Kaoru and through that connection her own memories joined Kaoru’s in rapid progression-a closed off young man trying so hard to remain closed off and becoming flustered when he began to fail, the odd dance they had gone through in that inn when he continued to try to push her away only to fall all over himself when she wouldn’t be moved. Standing on the bridge in fire-ravaged Kyoto and him turning open and shockingly warm eyes on her, Stay with me. I don’t know how long I can be with you but… I don’t want it just for appearances. Memories from Otsu flooded her, his eyes steadily growing warmer and more open in each memory. Quiet moments in the small house together, the village children coming to see the medicine seller and the way he so openly played with him. Until now I had no idea what ‘happiness’ really was. Five months of living here in the farmlands with you has shown me what I’ve been fighting for. And that final night by the fire when he made that oath. All a man can do is protect the happiness of the people he can see… When the new era comes… then I will find a way to protect without killing.

He had kept his promise. No matter what had transpired, no matter how badly it had ended, he went on to keep that promise. He kept that promise… and the young man she’d seen on that first day in that pub hadn’t disappeared. The man she’d lived with in Otsu was still there and hadn’t been swallowed up by Choshuu’s madness--and had survived and lived and grown and-and-and after all of this they were not going to lose him to it now.

[givingsword]

The meister in question felt the power surge inside of her, holding out the fan to stave off another approaching wave. Her face was worn, a drop of sweat trickling from her brow as she stood to lift her arm again.

And stopped.

It was only when she did so, that Tomoe's form began to actually burn the tips of her fingers. Her blue eyes were whisked away to a distant Japan, where fires and blood replaced the sunlight and warmth of the hometown she knew, with that of Kyoto. She stood riveted in Tomoe's memories, watching with blank eyes as the images assaulted her. A colder Kenshin, his passions dark, young, so implicitly young..

Beautiful Tomoe, giving him sake, helping him outside their house, their house. Husband and wife...

That look on his face as he looked at her..it made her throat close up, a tender smile playing across her face at his happiness, yet at the same time it was a clench in her gut. They looked perfect--. What was she doing here? What place could she possibly..(her fingers burned a little more).

What am...I doing? Her throat closed up, as she lifted the fan, feeling a resounding crack as her shoulder jerked in a way it wasn't meant to.

Kaoru didn't realize she was screaming until her left arm dangled uselessly at her hip, boneless. Her head jerked back a little, taking in a choking gulp of air. Oh it hurt--it hurt!!! The pain made her face white, her blue eyes fog out of focus as she struggled not to faint, taking a wobbly step as the winds blew around them. Her fingers singed, leaving burned swelling beneath the fingertips. She was losing the resonance! Now was not the time to hesitate..
If they didn't save him now they would never see his gentle smile..

"Kenshin.." She gritted between the pain, her mind going back to what she knew of the man, what she knew of Tomoe.

I understand now. Tomoe-san. And I'm not going to hesitate anymore. Kenshin's happiness, that's what matters. That's all we've wanted for him. I understand your feelings now. So please, leave the rest to me. Let me continue what you began. Her breathing slowed, as the winds picked up again, her moving hand lifting the fan as she shut her eyes. The burning was gone, and the pain, well, she was just going to forget it. It was nothing in the face of what would hurt more.

It was getting harder to use her physical sight now..the madness would swallow her up if she hesitated.

She couldn’t see anymore. But then again, she wasn’t going to be seeing with her eyes at this rate, was she?

With her hand on the tessen, ignoring the deformed angle of her shoulder, Kaoru turned around, seeing Kenshin’s prone figure. That was what mattered.

I won't wait anymore. Kenshin I'm going to drag you out!

“Soul Speak!” Kaoru shouted, her eyes snapping open as her mind went into overdrive. She was reaching towards Kenshin’s thoughts, anything within his mind, with her own, something she couldn’t do without resonating. It was so much clearer now, and as she felt her body slump a little in concentration, Kaoru felt an eclipsing darkness fill her vision.

Where was she going? And where was Kenshin?

She could hear herself vaguely calling his name in the darkness.

There wasn't pain here, it was a distant throb in the back of her mind as it continued to reach within the darkness, searching for the consciousness they were risking all for.

"Kenshin? Kenshin where are you? " Kaoru shouted, trying to find some sort of sign, something to find and attach herself to!

[maashiro]

By then Kenshin was gone, totally lost to his own madness and trapped inside his own mind. In the real world, at least, time was frozen, stopped in that instant where he had collapsed on the ground and stilled.

It was dark, but Kaoru probably would find herself cold as well. If she kept looking, the faint outline of trees might become clear, dark against a slightly lighter background-snow that crunched beneath the feet. She wouldn't know it, but Kenshin's mind had created for him an endless winter in the forest of barriers, a place where he could sit without sensing, without feeling.

But while the place was created in detail from the memory of a fifteen-year-old, the man who sat with his back to a tree was thirteen years older, even if his eyes were sharp and his face as harsh as the Battousai Kaoru had seen twice before. He tilted his head back, unmoving, unaware.

In this place he wouldn't have to feel any pain.

[givingsword]

Kaoru shivered, her breath coming out in short puffs. I-It's freezing! And dark.. As she trudged ahead, she felt something crunch beneath her sandals, her blue eyes taking in the spidery shape of ..trees? Spiraling into an eerie sort of sky. Was that..snow?

She rubbed her hands together, about to call out his name again when her footfalls stopped. There was a man against a tree. Kaoru's face lit with relief as she began to run towards the tree.

"Kenshin!" Kaoru cried,running towards him as she slowed to a stop. A hitched breath escaped at the sight of his expression, the same expression she'd seen with Jin-e, with Saitou.

"Hey--..Kenshin. It's me. " She added gently, staring down at him with confused, concerned blue eyes. "I've come to take you back..okay? " Her voice was hopeful, as she managed an encouraging smile. "..I think you've been here enough."

[maashiro]

He didn't move at first, didn't acknowledge her presence. He only looked up after a moment, and when he locked eyes with her, in one fluid motion he had his sword drawn and the edge at her throat.

But he didn't press. There was no pressure of steel to her skin, not even enough to draw a single drop of blood. But nor was there recognition in his strangely-coloured eyes beyond a distant flicker before he pushed her away, lowering his sword and turning his back.

"Don't come here."

[givingsword]

Kaoru went completely still as the blade went to her throat. She wasn't afraid, that wasn't it--if anything, it only made her sad, as she stared into his face, trying to find any trace of the man she was looking for. She hadn't seen those eerie, amber eyes in a long time. She didn't think she'd have to. But as he pushed her back she stumbled, taking a step back.

She pursed her lips, swallowing. "I can't do that. I'm here, and I'm staying until we both leave together.I'm not going anywhere without you." Kaoru stated firmly, blue eyes narrowing with determination, as she planted her feet firmly in the snow.

[maashiro]

The response was loud and rough as he whirled to bite out, "I said, 'Don't come here.'"

He didn't know who she was or why she was there, unless she was just to be used as Tomoe had been. And in that case he wanted her gone, wanted her to just leave him alone to dwell on his own memories however he wanted. She was breaching the circle of silence that the forest had created for him, that muffled quiet that let him be as blank as he could be.

"You have no business being here."

[givingsword]

"You're wrong. If it has to do with you, it is my business." She snapped back heatedly, hands in tight fists. "Whether you want me here or not, Kenshin, I have come to take you back!" The wind whipped her body, and somewhere she could feel a dropping sound in her ears, that sensation that somewhere, she was sinking the longer she stayed.

Her voice softened, a gentle plead. "Kenshin..please. You've got to stop this. Giving up like this? That isn't you. " A lump formed in her throat. "Right now, your heart is in a lot of pain, isn't it? I know. I know that--...you said that the only way to protect others was to kill them. But I also know..that above all else, your heart Kenshin, wants to protect others--and doesn't want to truly destroy anything."

She bent down, her arms on her knees, staring at him with sad blue eyes. "A kind man, someone very important to me, told me that my belief in swords that couldn't kill was a naive lie. But he also told me..that he didn't want it to be just an idea. He wanted that to be a truth for himself to live by, and many others..." She smiled a little.

"That man, was you, Kenshin. The one you're trying to let go of. That is the man I am looking for. The one beyond Hitokiri Battousai, or the rurouni..Kenshin. And he is a man that will not give up, or break his promises. Without fail."

She couldn't cry. She wouldn't cry--

"..You have suffered so much..and lost more than anyone ever should. And you think this is what you deserve. A world without forgiveness, or friendship, or love.." She gritted her teeth. "I always thought you were an idiot but I didn't realize--I didn't see that. And I'm sorry. But you do not deserve this. If I have to say it a thousand times, if I have to beat it into your head with a bokken, I will fight everyday to tell you this: " She took a deep breath, and looked him square in the eyes. No fear.

"Himura Kenshin's life, is not meant for atonement alone."

[maashiro]

Kenshin might have been able to ignore her, but the whipping wind caught him up, hard against him-the calming wind that was an effect of Kaoru's resonation with Tomoe. While it wasn't an immediate response, his tensed body relaxed and his eyes widened to stare at her, listening as she spoke.

And her words woke something in him. Recognition in his eyes went from flickering to flashing, vague highlights of his time in the Kamiya dojo flashing through his mind. Remembering.

"Kenshin... Kenshin..."

Who was that man? Not Himura, not Battousai, only Kenshin. She'd said that to him once: that she didn't think of Kenshin as Battousai. That they were two different men and that he could live a new, different life with her. It wasn't about forgetting, or living in his guilt; it was a second chance. But a life not meant for atonement...

Like he'd done once before, Kenshin raised the fist that held his sword and punched himself full in the face. He unclenched his hand, let the sword fall, and stared at the imprinted lines the hilt had left across his palm. "If Himura Kenshin's life is not meant for atonement," he said quietly, "then what is it? The answer that I seek has evaded me for so long... I cannot find it. And to walk that lost path every day-what good am I?"

[givingsword]

Kaoru breath hitched as he punched himself, her hand reaching out to grasp his arm, her eyes wide, pleading. She didn't realize her hand was shaking as she held his sleeve. I won't cower. I won't be like I was in Tokyo that day..or on that night--I won't!

What could she say? She wanted him to live with her, by her side. She wanted to see him smile a true smile, without any pain...She wanted his life to be filled with happiness, and warm people that loved him for who he was not who he had been.

And even though Kaoru had seen Battousai, she didn't deny it was a part of Kenshin, past or not. But she saw the man he wanted to be, and that was who she counted! Her heart was aching inside of her, as she thought of all the things she wanted to say. So much emotion in her heart it was fit to burst.

She tugged on his sleeve back and forth, lowering her head. "Idiot..you idiot. " Kaoru whispered, lifting eyes filled with tears. "How could you say that? 'No good'? A lost path? I never want to hear those words from you again!" Her voice rose, as she reached for his hand, clasping it in both of hers.

"How could Himura Kenshin not be any good--all he's done. The people he's protected since that day we met..Yahiko, Sanosuke, Megumi-san...the people of Japan! ..me. How could that path be lost?! " She shouted, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"For all these years, you've held back on not killing. You kept your promise to your wife, who only wants your happiness! Would she give it to someone who wasn't any good? No! She did it because she saw what I see! A man who only wants to protect people! " She shut her eyes. "Who doesn't run from his sins, but accepts them--but continues to move looking for the answer! And along the way.." Tears spilled onto her hands, still firmly clutching that calloused hand.

"Along the way..he's gained people who want to walk on that 'lost path' with him! " Kaoru's shoulders began to shake, as she looked up, a smile on her face, even as her voice cracked.

"Kenshin..I traveled all the way from Tokyo to Kyoto just to see you again. Would I do that for someone who was 'no good'? You promised me we would go home together..to Tokyo. Will you forget that promise? I haven't had it granted yet. I..I haven't welcomed you home." A sob escaped. "You told me that as long as you had strength, you would continue searching for that answer, no matter what. You said that I could help you, that even I could give you strength.. " A squeeze of his hand.

"You aren't alone Kenshin. I can't find your answers for you, but I can promise you that I'll be there, helping you as best I can! It can't replace human life, or loss, or the past--but you will never be alone! You can't give up yet! You can't! " She shut her eyes tightly, quiet sobs sounding in the empty forest.

"And if nothing else..--you've brought nothing but good into my life. Before I met you..I was alone. If you stay here..I'll be alone again. Because---I.." Kaoru swallowed.

"I need you, Kenshin. I need you..." She looked up at him, tears stubbornly rolling down her cheeks, her face a mix of pleading and tenderness.

"..come back with me. Come back.."

[maashiro]

"Oh, but I do run from my sins."

Kenshin's voice was quiet, and he looked away from Kaoru when he spoke. He couldn't face her like this, not when she was baring her soul to him and he could hardly bear to show her his. But he had to. He knew he had to, when she was reaching out like that, and there was a desperate desire deep within in him for someone to hear everything he kept in, to know it and accept all of him. And if there was one person he knew could do that, it was Kaoru.

"I've been running from them for ten years, trying to find a way to put them behind me. And I hardly expected to see the worst sin of all face me once more in this city."

His hand turned under hers, returning that pressure just barely-so lightly.

"But it's not about running from it any more, is it. I need to face that past and accept it."

Because while he'd always known he'd never be able to shake of the stains on his soul from the kills he'd made as the Battousai, there had been a need to completely separate himself: building the persona of rurouni, the silly clumsy wanderer who loved doing laundry and let himself be caught in the streets by a woman, vowing to save lives one by one to make himself into a totally different man. It had probably been that desire for separation that had first caused the true personality split of the Battousai within him-the personality who fought for the kill with no regret, unlike the youth who felt the stain of every kill on his hands even through each day and each mission.

And look what that had caused for him. Simply trying to make that split wouldn't fix it. Nothing would fix it. But if he could accept the words that Tomoe had tried to impress upon him each time they'd spoken, if he could understand that Kaoru truly did accept all of him as he was, suddenly his answers became clear. It wasn't about atoning any longer. He was already on a new path. Living his life a new way by protecting every soul before him with his heart and sword-the very meaning of his own name.

And he pulled, drawing Kaoru into his arms and burying his face against the curve of her neck.

"It's Kaoru-dono who's given this one the answers," Kenshin said, voice slightly muffled. "The day you first said you didn't care who I was, I was truly happy. But I didn't understand what that meant until now. I cannot leave Kaoru-dono alone... cannot even think to let myself do anything but be there to protect you. To protect people before me one by one. So Kaoru-dono, please...

"Bring this one back. Welcome me home once again-to wherever you are."

[givingsword]

She stared at him, as he avoided her gaze, and her heart went in her throat. No...no don't---don't push me away anymore. Please. She wanted to say it but she could only stare in a slight stupor as her eyes went to his hand in hers, as he spoke.

"You can..You can Kenshin." Kaoru whispered softly instead, somehow finding her voice, the weight of something was tugging at her. But nothing was more important than hearing his words.

When he pulled her into his arms, when she felt him, his soul, against hers, completely vulnerable, a legend, humbled beyond words before her--Kaoru was silenced. She could feel him closer than she ever had before and the happiness of that, the painful joy of being so close to him--for that instant it was enough. She wanted to tell him she was strong, she could protect herself, but she knew it was more than that. It was his way of saying he wanted to take care of her as much as she wanted to take care of him--wasn't it? Could a silly girl like her even hope..?

After all they had gone through that year, here they were, in an empty forest with frozen feelings of grief and loss-- Kenshin clutching her to himself as he hid his face. It was so beautiul, so poignant, that she was silenced. Kenshin had found his answer. Her heart broke. But not from pain..the happiness was so great. So profound. That would have been enough for her. But then...then--

To wherever you are.

You.

Her.
Her.

Home was..but that almost sounded like he was saying she was home.

(It hit her like a ton of bricks)
'Home is where..I am?'
She sat in the snow in a silent stupor, her arms slack at her sides.

No one ever stayed.
She knew that..she knew someday everyone would leave..somewhere in her heart. And once again it would no longer be a home. She would no longer be needed or wanted..--
and to hear someone say that..--to hear Kenshin say it.

The tears snaked down Kaoru's face, as she lifted her trembling arms and wrapped them around his neck, burying her face in his shoulder as she finally, finally wept. She could no longer hold back her tears. Kaoru cried quietly, her hands clenched into his hair, his neck, that soft scent that was Kenshin..just him. And it was truly enough.

"Kenshin...-Kenshin.." She repeated, a hitched sob escaping her throat as she pulled back, her hands on his shoulders, her face breaking into a smile so bright it hurt.

"Let's go back, Kenshin. Together." She moved forward to embrace him, as she felt the forest around them fade in little pinpoints of light, her vision blurring until she could no longer feel him in her arms.

[maashiro]

Kenshin didn't move when Kaoru did, letting her arms fold around him. When he opened his eyes after the bright light he was back on the ground in the park, bent over on all fours, but his head miraculously clear. He sat up slowly and looked around him. There was no sign of Tomoe; just Kaoru before him, holding in her hand a very elegant-and somehow very familiar-tessen.

Kenshin settled back, feeling a wave of exhaustion wash over him. He had very little idea what had just happened, except for the few moments in his mind when he'd come again to his senses, and could only blink at Kaoru and the tessen and let out a mumbled "Oro...?"