That'd Be A Mere Delusion

[silvershamurai]

Characters: silvershamurai & shinigamitayuu
Location: Lobby of the Casualty Communal
Rating: PG-13 for language?
Time: Dec. 8th, around midnight
Description: Tsukuyo's arrival in Death City came at a rather unfortunate time for her. Her home was nearly lost, and her master was dead. Gintoki's not offering any shoulders to cry on, not that she would require any, but having

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[shinigamitayuu]

It was all she could do not to bounce off the walls of the room, or jump off the veranda of her seventh-floor unit to explore (no, not patrol) the city. She could get lost in the unfamiliar terrain of this world and not be reminded of anyone by anything in this place. Tsukuyo stared at the ceiling of the apartment. She knew her body would not let her do any of those just yet. Sleep was out of the question, so call she could do right now was think. And remember.

If only memories were things that could be physically removed from one's brain, the world would be such an easier place to live in.

She didn't know if she wanted to see anyone at that time, but if it was him... she figured that a familiar face could calm her down somewhat. So at a quarter to midnight she stood up from the couch and went out of her room to proceed to and wait in the lobby. She was on the verge of ripping a ridiculous beauty magazine into shreds when she heard the intercom buzz, looked up, and saw the familiar silver-white perm.

"Yo. Long time no see." she greeted as she buzzed him in.

You don't need to worry about typing 'action' or anything in logs. o3o <3

[silvershamurai]

"For me maybe," Gintoki spoke as he passed through the door, "can't have been all that long for you though, right?" If what she said about the things she saw last were accurate, they had seen each other only a day before at the most, back in her time. He lifted the plastic bag in his hand and gave it a little shake.

"Don't think the rooms here have any basic medical kits, and I guess you're about due to get those changed." He sent a nod in the direction of her injuries before he began to stride over to a set of couches.

"So did you manage to catch any z's?" It was a rhetorical question. He knew she didn't.

*sigh* my fail, it is showing so much .___.

[shinigamitayuu]

"... hours, actually." She admitted, watching him walk toward the couches. A commonly-used expression to disguise the fact that she couldn't think of anything to greet him with. Tsukuyo involuntarily touched the bandages wrapping her right arm, realizing that she's had them on ever since waking up in Jiraia's web, days after they encountered him on the docks.

Which meant that her master was probably the one who bandaged the wounds he himself inflicted.

Sadness flitted over her features before blocking it with a small hiss of pain as she gripped at her injured arm. "I didn't get to check, but thank you."

"And z's are hard creatures to capture." she remarked, following Gintoki and sitting on the couch opposite his.

It's okayyyy! <33 /snugs

[silvershamurai]

Though he caught that brief expression of sadness, Gintoki opted to let it pass for the moment, tucking it away into his short-term memory for later. He remembered that she mulled around for several days after the incident with Jiraia, and was forced out of her shell by Hinowa's cunning. Suffice to say, Hinowa wasn't in Death City, and the only effective method Gintoki had for relaxing people was not something he wished to use upon Tsukuyo for fear of broken bones and mental scarring... again.

Dropping the bag onto the table situated between them, Gintoki took a seat, arms stretched out over the backrest. He shrugged when she thanked him; in his eyes, it wasn't such a big deal, but he didn't reject the sentiment regardless. "It's no problem. Can you manage changing them yourself?"

"You're just not trying hard enough. Did you try closing your eyes? I hear that helps."

^^;

[shinigamitayuu]

"Of course," she nodded. It was a requirement that she enforced upon the Hyakka; it was handy to know first aid to use on oneself and others. It was one of the first things her master taught her to do when, as a young child, she asked why he had so much bandages on.

"It's a disguise," she remembered him saying, drifting off. "To fool your enemies."

... and student.

"Hm?" she looked at him, seemingly half-there. He was asking her about closing her eyes to try to sleep. It was the last thing that she wanted to do, knowing that if she even closed her eyes she'd see her master, unbandaged, burning into ash with her kunai still lodged at the back of his neck. He was finally burning, finally dying. And it was spreading all over Yoshiwara; fire and death...

"... who would want to sleep with that moon gazing down like that?" she retorted. The moon, of course, reminds her of him again. It was a small miracle she hadn't seen any spiders anywhere. So much for not being reminded of anything from days ago.

[ OOC: ah, fyi. her first encounter with Takasugi happened before this ^^ ]

[silvershamurai]

Though the moon and its horrendous visage wasn't visible from where he was sitting, Gintoki still looked in the direction of the door, staring out the glass panes for a prolonged second before he turned back to Tsukuyo.

"Just draw the curtains. I'd imagine this is how Sims feel, except the sun and moon aren't setting fires in your house and then removing all the doors just because it's funny to see inferior beings flipping their shit."

His gaze then dropped and he crossed one leg over his knee.

"He was happy.." When he died.

[shinigamitayuu]

"The sun and moon set fires here?" What was he talking about? Sometimes - no, make that most of the time she had absolutely no idea what he and Kagura were going on about. You can add tha-

Ah.

She felt the blood drain from her face and the pain from her wounds and bruises seemingly intensify. All the images that she's been trying to avoid recalling suddenly came rushing back to her. Fire, blood and death almost cloaking Yoshiwara and destroying everything she cared about. An entire underground city and population destroyed because of her.

But the images that stood out - always stood out - were of her flinging the kunai at her master's back and the pool of his blood that was slowly starting to widen under him.

They were in another world altogether and she still felt how light her master was when she picked him up and they gazed at the moon together one last time. She tried to find a reply in her head for Gintoki but fond nothing. Feeling overwhelmed, she squeezed a hand over her injured right arm again, the flaring pain making her gasp for breath.

"... ah. His plan... came through..."

[silvershamurai]

Tsukuyo was a strong woman; he'd say she was one of the toughest he knew, but it was rather difficult to place her on a definite scale when he was surrounded by horrifying women. During such a moment of weakness for her however, Gintoki saw it fit to not watch that fire of hers waver. She has her pride as the Leader of the Hyakka, and he'll let her keep it.

"...Are you regretting it?" A direct question, but in the long run, it would prove to be far more effective than a simple "are you okay?". It was plain to see that she wasn't, anyway.

[shinigamitayuu]

... did she? Regret killing her master because he was going to destroy the city that she lived in and the people in it, friends that she made and comrades she believed in? Because he decieved her from the start and she wanted to follow in his footsteps, giving up her sense of womanhood and self to be able to fully devote herself to what she wanted to protect and believe in? Because now she wasn't so sure if she was going down the right path?

She was silent for a good while as she searched her heart and mind for a true answer. Indeed, if Jiraia only told her sooner, they would have arrived at a different answer. He trained her well, she was strong, she felt - no, she knew that she could have handled whatever her master was troubled with. He was what she aspired to be, her world. But...

"... it was too late. He was too damaged." Tsukuyo murmured, releasing the grip on her arm and feeling the throbbing pain. "If you didn't fight him back then... if I didn't stop him..." He could've completely killed her soul. She looked sadly at Gintoki with eyes almost glazed over.

She killed her master. It had to be done.

"No, I'm not."

And 6 days later I am still staring blankly at this tag sob. I'm sorry this sucks. ;A;

[silvershamurai]

Gintoki sighed. It wasn't an aggravated sound so much as it was an indication of his relief. Admitting one had a problem was the first step to fixing it, and it was somewhat of an accomplishment that Tsukuyo admitted she was hurting at all. He wasn't going to say that the healing had already begun, or anything equally presumptuous, but it made it easier for Gintoki to consider his options from there.

"And that's okay." Because he'd be doubly concerned if she had said otherwise. Well, untrue, he would have called her out on it. "There'd be a problem if you weren't."

"If you want to talk about it, I'm listening." Surely she'd have remembered what he said to her that night, right?

X3 5 days for me >_<

[shinigamitayuu]

Talk about it... maybe it would have been better if she stayed in her room for some days and not see people, better if she wasn't that beat up, then she could have filtered her frustrations on patrolling or something. But that wasn't happening here. Instead she's stuck in a City she barely knows about with a man she...

"... what else is there to talk about?" She was being thick-headed and she knew it. And she does remember the things he told her just some hours ago, only... she just really didn't know how to start those kinds of things.

But suddenly, she remembers a religious quote that she thinks she remembers her master saying to her. She says it aloud to Gintoki.

"Embrace nothing:
If you meet the Buddha, kill the Buddha.
If you meet your father, kill your father.
Only live your life as it is,
Not bound to anything."

It is still glorious. ;;

[silvershamurai]

Gintoki leans back on the couch, head lolling back to stare up at the ceiling as he listens to her words. Some years ago, it might have been something Gintoki actually took seriously. Back after he left the war, back when he had nothing to gain and nothing to lose. Strange that now, it simply rubs him the wrong way.

"The hell is that? You read that in a book or something?"

A ruse, of course, in an attempt to get her talking; Gintoki is certainly more perceptive than one would imagine.

and I'm still late :/

[shinigamitayuu]

Tskuyo tries to remember how that passage came to her head, but remembered nothing. Her childhood and teenage years were a blur of training, more training and just basking under her master's guidance. She touched her scar.

"... I don't know. I think he said that to me. Some time after I gave myself these scars."

She didn't think her master was religious at all, but it fit him. It almost fit her as well. But she'd always be bound to the Yoshiwara, Hinowa and the girls. And she was... particularly certain that she won't be easily rid of her bond from Jiraia. Because in spite of everything that did go down, he was still her master.

She catches a glimpse of her reflection on the surface of the table inbetween them. Her scars were clean lines on her face, perhaps a testament to her commitment and steady hand even back then as she dragged the blade over forehead and cheek.

"Hah. I don't even remember how much it should've hurt when I did this to myself..."