When lies turn into truth

[de_faulty_hero]

Characters: de-faulty-hero & 1st-class-honor
Location: Park - Next to Aerith's new garden
Rating: PG
Time: November 24th - Early morning
Description: With every Zack, there needs to be a meeting between these two. Zack finally tracks Cloud down for some talk-time.

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[de_faulty_hero]

While he might not have been completely aware of his surroundings because of enjoying the quiet, his instincts were good enough to let him know when he was no longer alone. His eyes scanned the surrounding area on alert before he found his gaze landing on a familiar mop of black hair. There was a single moment when he thought that if he pulled his leg up, he would be safe.

Then he realized the time of the morning and knew that Zack had tracked him here. No doubt Aerith had given the guy directions to the garden. Still, seeing Zack again brought up all manner of emotions in him, and they all mixed together in a torrent of confusion for him. He hadn't been prepared to deal with this so soon.

There was no escape though, so he sat silently on the branch guardedly watching his friend's approach. Once Zack was close enough, he switched his gaze to stare through the foliage to stare towards the garden. His hanging leg stilled, an unconscious show of his tension even as he tried to resume the natural swinging but failed.

"I wouldn't know," was all he said in reply to the question. His voice was carefully neutral, revealing nothing to his emotional state.

[1st_class_honor]

It was the little things that worried him: the silence, the way the leg stopped, the way it started again. Even with the noise of daily life, it still felt eerily silent in an awkward way; the sound of his back against the bark was like a bulldozer in his head. Yeah. This was going to take a miracle.

“Swimming trunks.”

He waited for a laugh or a groan, anything, but knew he’d probably get more of the silence. One hand lightly slapped the back of Cloud’s dangling foot, supplying a low laugh-track of his own. Yes, Zack laughed at his own jokes, mostly because no one else ever did.

Hey, at least the kid wasn’t running away. That was a plus he could get behind.

His eyes flickered out across the garden, looking at it, at what was taking shape, growing, getting along. He had missed everything that happened, and that guilt bubbled up again. He should’ve been here, dammit. He should’ve been here.

“The place looks nice,” he said. “Did you help with it?

[de_faulty_hero]

His expression remained impassive to the lame joke because... well, Zack's jokes always seemed to be so horrible that he figured the guy practiced being that bad. He also figured that Zack was desperate if the guy was resorting to jokes so soon and laughing at them, but he suppose he couldn't fault the dark-haired man either.

He remained dutifully silent before he suspected he knew where Zack's gaze lingered. This was a place he knew that his friend could appreciate as much as he did, mostly because of the one person strongly associated with it. Aerith would always be the tie that bound them.

Without warning, he dropped out of the tree and landed gracefully on his feet. "No, I just found it yesterday," he murmured simply and walked the small distance to retrieve his shirt. "Aerith won't be here until later, or you can catch her at the Watch office. I can give you directions."

He felt like he was being so darn stoic. Underneath, he felt like he was being shattered, but it was unfair on Zack to show it. This was the man who had given his life so that he could live, and he should be more appreciative.

[1st_class_honor]

Zack fought the flinch at the sound of the other dropping out of the tree. Yeah, not going well at all; he didn’t even get an offended groan. Just… just that heavy, weighted silence, all the bricks of the Shinra building were being carried on its back. His found his laugh dying, the edge of it withering, old plants in the winter, and his forehead furrowed. Okay, time to count the pluses: Cloud hadn’t said he hated him yet, nor had he run away. Two points. Focus on those.

“I know where it is; I already hit by there. Had to speak with Roy about getting back on the Watch.” Because he couldn’t stay out of a job for long, especially one that would allow him the chance for missions, for fighting, to protect those around him and be a hero. Some things were far too ingrained to be ignored.

He watched Cloud get his shirt, his eyes flickering away to the tree again, before back to him. What to say. What to say. Come on. It’s never this hard to talk. Mom always said it was the one thing you did naturally, other than making a mess. So, why’s it so damn difficult now?

“Hit me.”

And that wasn’t what he meant to say, but it was out, and he was okay with it. Nodded. Tightened his jaw. “I want you to hit me.”

[de_faulty_hero]

Nodding his head in simple acceptance, Cloud figured that Zack had gone there for reasons other than to get a piece of the Watch. He had been watching the posts, and Aerith had been working the day that Zack had arrived. There was bound to be a reunion on top of trying to get back onto the Watch. It would be easy for his friend though; Zack was always naturally better with social situations.

"Hopefully he didn't resist much," he murmured, more to say something than to let the silence linger to uncomfortably. He pulled his shirt over his head, tucking it down his stomach before reaching back down to grasp the other items he brought with him. "Back under Genesis?"

He picked up the long katana sword and slipped it into his belt, not even flinching at Zack's words. He turned his head enough to allow his gaze to linger for a moment on the dark-haired man before turning it away again. "I refuse," he replied neutrally. "It would spoil the innocence of this place, so don't ask me to do that."

[1st_class_honor]

“Nah, who could resist someone like me? He was practically begging me to take the job back!” Which wasn’t at all true; it was mutual understanding with more manly, friendly posturing than anything else, but it was comfortable and happy and everyone walked away with what they wanted. Good negotiations, if one wanted to call it that. “Not telling. It’ll be a surprise.”

You know, a surprise, in case Cloud wanted to hide from him after this. The less he knew about Zack’s schedule, the better for him and his sense of surprise. If Zack had to play hardball, so be it. It was his turn at bat, and he was pointing that thing to the stands.

He just hoped Cloud didn’t take offense to it.

Blue eyes flickered to the blade before sliding back up to Cloud’s. Damn if he wasn’t right, but-“Fine, let’s go for a walk then.” A walk off this sacred place, far enough that the dirt here fell free from their treads. One of his hands fell on the other’s shoulder, his grip strong, steady, sure. “Let’s go talk. I have a lot to say, and I think you do, too.”

Even if you won’t vocalize it.

[de_faulty_hero]

Cloud hadn't hung around with Roy personally enough to know if Zack was making that up, so he let it pass him instead. He instead continued to strap on his spaulder, rewrap his wrist so that his armour could go on and then pulled on his gloves. He narrowed his eyes at the fact that Watch unit was a surprise, not liking that one bit.

Regardless, it wouldn't be hard to find out. He had worked with the Watch since it had first formed, and he knew where new schedules were. It would just be a matter of time.

He slid the blade into his belt with a casual ease, but he was watching Zack as well. He raised an eyebrow at the suggestion and tensed when a hand fell to his shoulder. "I won't hit you," was all he said as he allowed himself to be directed away from the garden. "Say what you want."

[1st_class_honor]

The guilt was building, a wall with brick by brick coldness, and Zack didn’t know what to do. It was almost like standing alone, being shut out and left on the proverbial doorstep, but he couldn’t argue it. Shiva, he deserved it. The backlash was inevitable.

But that didn’t mean that it didn’t unnerve him, that it still didn’t hurt.

Watching Cloud put himself together, he said nothing at all until he was ready to move out. Then, he simply cleared his throat, smiled partially, and began to walk out of the park. It was showtime, and he wasn’t one to get stagefright, but this was impossible to avoid.

“I’m sorry.” He looked at the blonde spikes as he said them, afraid to see what he might in the other’s eyes. “I really am. I promised things and I let you down. That’s not what a friend should do.”

Was this what it was like for Angeal? Every time he came back, he caught a sight of Zack’s face, knowing he had betrayed them? Was this fist in the gut the same thing?

“You’re my best friend, Spike, and I wouldn’t want to leave you for the world. It’s just-No, there’s no excuse for it. I’ll understand if you want to avoid me for a bit, but we all know what kinda damage happens when I’m left alone without someone to babysit me.” Okay, maybe this joke would weaken that ice a bit.

[de_faulty_hero]

Cloud followed Zack's pace without much effort, even if his friend had a longer gait. He had learned long ago how to keep up with people far taller than himself, and this was no different. He wasn't even certain of where they were going, but it seemed to be towards the exit of the park. He supposed it was a public place, though few were up this time of the morning.

He tilted his head slightly at the apology, confused by it. As everyone had told him before, BREW took and gave whenever, and it wasn't anyone's choice in the matter. You were here one day and gone in another. Not even Shibusen had the ability to control the device, which seemed a little ridiculous to him but to each their own.

His gait slowed until he came to a stop at the entrance, studying the sign that indicated the park. "You can't make a promise like that and expect to keep it. BREW isn't controlled, so it's not your fault."

He started to walk again before stopping a few steps away. "You have no idea why I didn't reply, do you? Neither you nor her."

[1st_class_honor]

Not his fault. Not his fault. Yeah, if it were only that easy to tell his heart that when it was so busy yelling at him that he should’ve tried harder, dammit. That he shouldn’t have left them behind. That he shouldn’t have let Sephiroth win. It was so easy to excuse, to brush it off as something out of his control, but he’d never truly believe it. There had to be something, some way that someone out there didn’t know about. He couldn’t believe it was up to this sole entity’s design, no hope or rhyme or reason otherwise.

His feet stopped when Cloud’s did, and he found himself staring down at his boots. It was easier than the alternative. “My fault or not, I still should’ve done something, you know.” And the crux of the matter was that Cloud wouldn’t be able to convince him otherwise, no matter what happened. Stubborn is as stubborn does.

Zack started to move again before it was stopped. This time, he didn’t bother dropping his eyes, and instead, arched one brow curiously and cocked his head to the side. The question stumped him; wasn’t the obvious thing almost always the answer?

“I just assumed you were mad at me for leaving,” he said. “Guess it’s more than that, huh?”

[de_faulty_hero]

Cloud inclined his head a little, not about to make an argument about who or what was supposed to be here. If anything, they all belonged on Gaea and not in this place, but it was nice to see those who has passed on back here and interactive. It simply hurt when they left because he never knew if they were coming back.

He had accepted that he had to fight this war to the top of his abilities, and once he had done that, he could earn the right to return home if he so choose to go. Besides, if he was here, who was back on Gaea? Sephiroth still fought him; Yuffie still teased him; Aerith and Zack still watched over him. Some him had to exist there on Gaea.

"And what should you have done that was in your power to do?" He was still looking at the sign intently. "I've met five different Zack Fairs in my time here, and three Aerith Gainsboroughs. There is nothing to be done but accept what is."

He cast Zack a bit of a sympathetic look before he turned and started to walk again. Perhaps it didn't matter his reasoning for why he had done as he had back there. He hadn't replied, but he also hadn't expected Zack to track him down so quickly. He had hoped for more time to sort things out. "You always were simple with your emotions and assumptions. It made you easy to like." He looked to the sky. "It made you easy to mimic."

[1st_class_honor]

That… was a good question. In truth, Zack wasn’t exactly sure, was really at a loss at what he could do, and while he knew Cloud was right, that didn’t make it any easier to hear. He felt his jaw tightening, a frown crawling over him, not just his face but all of him, and he shook his head.

“I don’t know.” It was an answer, an honest answer, and it was almost bitter. He didn’t know, but he had to find out. There had to be…something. “But even though I don’t know now, that doesn’t mean that something might not happen later. Who knows what I could dig up? I don’t give up, you know that.”

Five Zack Fairs or not. Three Aerith’s or not. A million Sephiroths. A hundred million Renos. Zack wouldn’t give up. But it was so much easier to say that when he was looking at the same Cloud that he had left already, nothing having changed. Maybe if only then, he’d understand what it was like to live in Cloud’s shoes, ones where nothing was certain, where you woke up and people kept leaving you.

The thought made him uneasy, sympathetic, worried.

Easy to like. Easy to mimic. Was the last a compliment? He couldn’t tell. And really, simple?! “What’s the point of bottling it up? Or hiding it? Or not guessing what’s out there in front of you? Live it and show it. There’s nothing to be afraid of in the obvious.”

[de_faulty_hero]

The fact that Zack didn't know what to do meant much to him because he had been here long enough to know that there was probably no way to fight BREW's influence on them. He doubted anyone intended to go back, but it happened. A few stayed around like him and Sephiroth, but they were no closer in the war effort. Strength was limited by time.

"Unless you find a method to control BREW, we'll all be subject to its whims," he replied simply. He had seen BREW, and he had watched people attack the device to no avail. Their powers were sealed, so nothing could be done in that way. "But do as you like. No one is here to stop you."

Shrugging his shoulders, he preferred to keep things close to the belt. "It's easier when you can't explain gaps in your memory," he said patiently. "And when you don't want someone to know how much it hurts to see them go."

[1st_class_honor]

Subject to its whims? Was Cloud trying to rile him up, get him going, because if so, it was working. Zack didn’t give a crap if anyone did try to stop him; let them. Let them all. He was going to make sure he stayed, even if he had to tie himself to the nearest lamppost and never do his patrols from there.

“I’m sick of being under someone’s whims.” Shinra. He meant them, but he didn’t say it, didn’t have to. Working for a company and being controlled… two different things. It made him feel like a puppet, a toy, told to dance and expected to do their finest jig. Where was the choice?

Zack simmered, kept the rest of his promise to himself: to keep looking, never stop, constantly question on how to keep himself here. With them. With his friends. Instead, he took a deep breath, let it out through his teeth, and listened to Cloud again. To see them go…

Hell.

One hand reached out, snatching at Cloud’s wrist and lighting jerking him back, hoping he’d at least get a look in his eyes. That’s why. Not because he was mad, but because-Of course. Of course.

“You don’t have to hide it, you know. It’s okay to be hurt, and it’s okay to let me know you’re hurt. That’s what friends are for, to help shoulder that weight with you, ease it off your shoulders at least a little bit.” He let go of the other’s wrist, going for his hair instead, in hopes of ruffling it. “I’m sorry, Spike.”

[de_faulty_hero]

He cast Zack a sympathetic look, since the shadow of ShinRa still loomed for his friend. There was nothing that he could do for that, having slipped from its shadow a long time ago. Beyond that, he had accepted that he as well as those around him were subject to be taken away without notice. It was easier to accept that then blame himself for not being strong enough to keep those he cared about here.

"You already know that if you'd slipped into Midgar that they wouldn't have found you," he murmured simply. It hadn't happened that way; ShinRa had caught up with Zack. A sacrifice had been made that Zack couldn't take back either.

He stopped when his wrist was seized, resisting the pull back before giving in and stepping around. He glanced out of the corner of his eye at his friend, shifting his face so that his bangs obscured most of his expression, but he could still see beyond easily.

"You can't ease this hurt," he said simply. "Not until someone you care about goes away, but that's not something I want you to feel." Zack had always made great sacrifices for everyone else, and he wondered how long until this one went away again. It was easier to not get too close and hurt all over again. Zack had Aerith to rely on.

He tipped his head subtly away but still had that heavy hand land in his hair.

[1st_class_honor]

“Maybe. Maybe not.” What if. What if he had gotten in, gotten to Aerith, and gotten out again. Taken them both north until the world turned cold. How different would things be? How different would Cloud be?

His hand drew back from the blonde spikes, watching the way the head dipped, the way everything seemed so different. There was a weight, a wall, and one conversation wasn’t going to fix it. Maybe put a bandage on the gaping wound, but not fix it. This was going to take time.

But Zack wasn’t a patient person, either.

“Are you trying to say I didn’t have someone I care about go away?” His arms crossed over his chest, fingers tapping against his bicep with frustration. “What about Angeal, huh? Back home? He went away, too. It’s not that different, not really, and I could’ve shut down and shut everyone out, but I didn’t. You know what I did? Do you?”

He didn’t wait for an answer.

“I sat and decided to just be happy with the folks around me. Take advantage of the time we had together. Every day is a gift, Spike; every single day. And you have to stop looking at the end and start looking at the now.

“Of course it hurts when everyone goes away. I’d be crushed if you disappeared tomorrow, and you could, I know. Aerith could. Anyone. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to put up a wall and not feel anything because of that fear, or that fear that I might go back. We’re given another chance; don’t squander it.”