Mental Resilience 101

[der_geliebte]

Characters: Seimei Aoyagi, and any volunteer students.
Location: A classroom in Shibusen
Rating: Likely PG
Time: Saturday, November 13th; starting 7:00pm
Description: Seimei has been having class every evening for the past week. Today is review!

Comments

[thirteenthace]

[Phoenix pays strict attention when the review is given - these classes were important to him after all, even if sometimes the words tended to wash over his head because his concentration slipped. Still he gets most of the stuff and figured out the rest, so when Seimei asks Phoenix just shakes his head.]

I don't really have anything at the moment, no.

[der_geliebte]

[Seimei nods, standing in front of Phoenix's desk.]

Then how well do you believe you value yourself?

[thirteenthace]

[A brief pause.]

Quite well, I'd like to think.

[The real answer: hardly at all.]

[der_geliebte]

You'd like to think, but do you think?

[thirteenthace]

[A small smile.]

Yes, indeed.

[der_geliebte]

You're able to assert yourself from unwanted contact or invasion of space.

[He can tell that much from looking at you.]

But are you worth protecting? Not in comparison to other lives, or with the state of the society in mind - are you worth keeping alive and around, in your eyes?

[thirteenthace]

[Lalalala see Phoenix lying through his teeth like a mofo.]

Doesn't every person think that they're worth being alive and around?

[der_geliebte]

[Oh, don't think Seimei isn't catching hints of that, Phoenix.]

No. Not every person. There are those who want to see themselves in that light, but can't.

Can you think of any reasons why that would be?

[thirteenthace]

[You're not supposed to see that, he is supposed to be a master of hiding his feelings! Except not really.]

I wouldn't know. Mind to care enlightening me?

[der_geliebte]

[Hey bro you're being obvious. That and Seimei is fucking ridiculous sometimes.]

Oh, I think you would. Come on now, be creative.

[thirteenthace]

[Phoenix likes to think he is not obvious okay. :c]

Creativity isn't my strong suit though, I'd have to admit.

[der_geliebte]

Very well then. Let's see... one example...

A man could have done something, or failed just once, where it mattered. And as a result, something happened to bring harm to someone he was caring for, or otherwise held dearly.

Despite the man's respect for his privacy and personal space, he would be preoccupied with his own inability to forgive himself. This, in turn, would later be found by someone intending to break his soul instead of his body. All they would have to do is exploit the moment of their failure, and expose the guilt. At that point, it would be easy for them to draw the guilt-ridden victim in on a line, and convince them to "atone".

That was the first of many lessons I was taught - you cannot hold onto guilt.

[thirteenthace]

[...

GODDAMNIT SEIMEI DON'T STRIKE WHERE IT HURTS THE MOST. At least to Phoenix's credit, he doesn't twitch too much.]

That does sound like quite the interesting story.

[der_geliebte]

[Ah hah! He was pretty lucky with that guess, he totally bullshitted it.

He doesn't acknowledge any reaction from Phoenix, idly returning to the front desk and sitting down on top of it. He addresses the classroom in general, rather than keeping his gaze locked on Phoenix.]

The only way a man like that can reclaim his personal worth is to realize that he was not at fault. And if he truly, truly was, then he must come to terms with the fact that there is nothing he can do about it now, other than prevent it from happening again.

Forgiveness is the ultimate form of love. And if you do not love something, you cannot protect it indefinitely. That includes oneself.

[thirteenthace]

[Phoenix doesn't say anything or do anything as Seimei speaks, even if his mind lurches at what the other is saying and he knows that the other speaks truth. But still as much as he wants, Phoenix can never forgive himself - he's committed too many atrocities, done too many things against his conciousness that at times he doesn't know who he is now, or who he should be.

He's silent, his expression the same as always, because he likes to think that he's good at hiding his own emotions because that's how he lived for the last seven years of his life, and then some.]

[der_geliebte]

So, in a situation where one does not know how to value oneself? There are a few simple solutions that may or may not sink in with ease.

If you cannot simply forgive what you have done, then you must set up things to atone for what you did. Decide from the start what it will take, and do no more than what you decide for yourself. No one can tell you what the truth is - only you know what you need to do. Don't believe the lies they say. If you do, the failure in that case would not be to anyone but yourself. Failing yourself means that you will be taken advantage of. And naturally, in that case, you will be unable to protect anyone else. You will be gone, or worse, used against the people you hold dearly.