You can't have secrets when you're a writer
This week, I have been thinking a lot about how difficult personal experiences can be turned into powerful fiction.
But I have a problem with this. Firstly, I am often painfully aware how my recollections and my experiences could reflect on the people close to me. This is an ongoing issue for many writers, and it is not unheard-of to get ostracized because you are writing stories that hit too close to home. I have often said that, though I would love to see my work in print, I am really not sure how I would ever deal with actual fame. With having ALL of my life exposed, and with having this lack of privacy permeate all personal relationships. I would probably have a hard time with that.
I basically already have a hard time baring it all when I write for class. There are plenty of journal entries I would never read, and I am often painfully aware of my audience when I am writing.
While I have a tell-all attitude towards my friends, and love showing who I really am to them, I am much less comfortable putting all my "secrets" out in public.
Take, for example, the fact that I am bisexual. It is not a secret. My family and friends all know it. It's even on my Facebook, though in a slightly veiled way. Yet I am not waving rainbow flags, and I am not sure I would want to be directly associated with my sexual orientation.
I guess that is part of the reason why I am not exactly chewing at the bit to write my memoir. I am sure I have some interesting stuff to tell, but I am not so sure I actually want the world to know about it. It's not that I am ashamed of who I am, but I guess I don't wanna be known as "bisexual author Glenda" or whatever other appellation one could choose from my life.
The strange thing is that I adore authors who let it all hang out. I think it is important for us to look at our "deep, dark secrets", to collectively stare our demons in the face. To scratch the surface and get to the core of human nature. It isn't always evidently beautiful, and might even be difficult to read and write, but I believe it is essential.
I really admire those authors who put themselves out there. Who write about "difficult" subjects. And who tell me about their personal lives, either directly or indirectly.
So, why am I so reticent? I guess I am just shy. I am always careful approaching people. Scared to say something silly, or to make a bad impression. I often wait some time to gauge what I can reveal.
Yet I love people, so I try to approach them, albeit carefully, and I always love to make new friends. But, and I know it doesn't look that way, the first moments of a new acquaintance are hell for me. My heart is racing, and I am desperately trying to stay neutral and nice. Only after a while cam I let myself go. Then, I don't eschew an argument, and I am not scared to lose a friendship over my opinions or perceived immoral behaviors.
But, I guess I want to get a foot in the door first. Which is kinds strange, too, because for a while, one of the main rationales for my wearing bizarre clothes and make up was to scare away people that would potentially be offended. Like, if you can't deal with my appearance, you really don't wanna hear me talk.
But I think that also ultimately gets back to my fundamental shyness. It's putting up a barrier, and only letting through the bold.
So I guess where all this is going is that I have to rise above this shyness of mine when I write. Just because I am nervous to show my true self, doesn't mean it's wrong. As a matter of fact, I have read from many writing books and authors, that the place where you are uncomfortable, the things that are hard to write are the ones that are the most worthwhile. And I have done it, in my personal life, many times before. I have taken that leap of faith and opened up to strangers. And I have wonderful friends and great relationships to show for it.
So, this is my resolution: I will bare more skin when writing. I will show the intimate, the things I'd rather forget, the things society would rather not deal with, or, more simply, the things about myself I think might been seen as strange. It makes for powerful, unique, and sometimes even enlightening work.
But I have a problem with this. Firstly, I am often painfully aware how my recollections and my experiences could reflect on the people close to me. This is an ongoing issue for many writers, and it is not unheard-of to get ostracized because you are writing stories that hit too close to home. I have often said that, though I would love to see my work in print, I am really not sure how I would ever deal with actual fame. With having ALL of my life exposed, and with having this lack of privacy permeate all personal relationships. I would probably have a hard time with that.
I basically already have a hard time baring it all when I write for class. There are plenty of journal entries I would never read, and I am often painfully aware of my audience when I am writing.
While I have a tell-all attitude towards my friends, and love showing who I really am to them, I am much less comfortable putting all my "secrets" out in public.
Take, for example, the fact that I am bisexual. It is not a secret. My family and friends all know it. It's even on my Facebook, though in a slightly veiled way. Yet I am not waving rainbow flags, and I am not sure I would want to be directly associated with my sexual orientation.
I guess that is part of the reason why I am not exactly chewing at the bit to write my memoir. I am sure I have some interesting stuff to tell, but I am not so sure I actually want the world to know about it. It's not that I am ashamed of who I am, but I guess I don't wanna be known as "bisexual author Glenda" or whatever other appellation one could choose from my life.
The strange thing is that I adore authors who let it all hang out. I think it is important for us to look at our "deep, dark secrets", to collectively stare our demons in the face. To scratch the surface and get to the core of human nature. It isn't always evidently beautiful, and might even be difficult to read and write, but I believe it is essential.
I really admire those authors who put themselves out there. Who write about "difficult" subjects. And who tell me about their personal lives, either directly or indirectly.
So, why am I so reticent? I guess I am just shy. I am always careful approaching people. Scared to say something silly, or to make a bad impression. I often wait some time to gauge what I can reveal.
Yet I love people, so I try to approach them, albeit carefully, and I always love to make new friends. But, and I know it doesn't look that way, the first moments of a new acquaintance are hell for me. My heart is racing, and I am desperately trying to stay neutral and nice. Only after a while cam I let myself go. Then, I don't eschew an argument, and I am not scared to lose a friendship over my opinions or perceived immoral behaviors.
But, I guess I want to get a foot in the door first. Which is kinds strange, too, because for a while, one of the main rationales for my wearing bizarre clothes and make up was to scare away people that would potentially be offended. Like, if you can't deal with my appearance, you really don't wanna hear me talk.
But I think that also ultimately gets back to my fundamental shyness. It's putting up a barrier, and only letting through the bold.
So I guess where all this is going is that I have to rise above this shyness of mine when I write. Just because I am nervous to show my true self, doesn't mean it's wrong. As a matter of fact, I have read from many writing books and authors, that the place where you are uncomfortable, the things that are hard to write are the ones that are the most worthwhile. And I have done it, in my personal life, many times before. I have taken that leap of faith and opened up to strangers. And I have wonderful friends and great relationships to show for it.
So, this is my resolution: I will bare more skin when writing. I will show the intimate, the things I'd rather forget, the things society would rather not deal with, or, more simply, the things about myself I think might been seen as strange. It makes for powerful, unique, and sometimes even enlightening work.