look ma no face
i miss the pain, i miss the misery, i miss mentally destroying someone just because i was bored .Now look at me i eat right,i think about other peoples needs before my own,
im nice to ppl, i have conversations that dont end in someone crying........
gag it sickens me
ok its all fiction ....i dont know i just find the negative more interesting and ppl tend to laugh more when i act like a jerk ....i think its just a cry for help ...... or a hug .probably both
also it think its kinda sad that when i don't act like a jerk ppl that know me think something is wrong ........and i hate that because they are right.id prefer it if ppl couldnt figure me out
anyways im deflecting,im upset because i havent heard from my gf in two weeks
and no one else has ether...... at least thats what they tell me.its a game she plays i call it "make him miss me" and i do terribly
we have recently exchanged L words and now its all i can think about .
i cant even type the word it makes me so uncomfortable
My first instinct is to run.... flee like it never happened ..... because its what i do when i feel im getting to close to someone well that or push them away. i haven't heard from her so i cant even discuss all this crap with her.for the first time in my life im rdy to deal with my fear of being vulnerable and cant. its hard to find someone with the time to listen
im nice to ppl, i have conversations that dont end in someone crying........
gag it sickens me
ok its all fiction ....i dont know i just find the negative more interesting and ppl tend to laugh more when i act like a jerk ....i think its just a cry for help ...... or a hug .probably both
also it think its kinda sad that when i don't act like a jerk ppl that know me think something is wrong ........and i hate that because they are right.id prefer it if ppl couldnt figure me out
anyways im deflecting,im upset because i havent heard from my gf in two weeks
and no one else has ether...... at least thats what they tell me.its a game she plays i call it "make him miss me" and i do terribly
we have recently exchanged L words and now its all i can think about .
i cant even type the word it makes me so uncomfortable
My first instinct is to run.... flee like it never happened ..... because its what i do when i feel im getting to close to someone well that or push them away. i haven't heard from her so i cant even discuss all this crap with her.for the first time in my life im rdy to deal with my fear of being vulnerable and cant. its hard to find someone with the time to listen