big whoops.
great. i suck at college stuff. stuff like uhhhh...FAFSA. deadline is this friday. i've never filled it out before. & i got the dates confused and thought the deadline was july but i didn't know that schools have seperate deadlines...yeah, i should have probably read college for dummies or something.
i hate feeling stupid. and naive. and ignorant. i just hate not knowing things i should. frustratingg..but it's okay i'll just keep trying. i mean i can't do anything about it now.
i hate losing track of time & forgetting dates. forgetting things. i'm too young to forget things! like yesterday i forgot an assignment at home, so after i finished my exam i went straight home to get my paper to drop it off at my prof's office. halfway back to school i realized i left my cell phone & yeah it's a superficial matter but i went back & got it anyway coz i have mad family here and i don't want them to worrying about me if they can't reach me, especially my lola coz she gets real worried. so after forgetting two things i arrive at school and forgot again that the 10th st. parking garage is full by like 9..and i got there at like 930 ish. i had a class that started at 9..eventually i found parking at a different street garage .. all the way on the roof. made it to the last 20 minutes of class. i felt bad coz my friend was with me the whole entire time but she kept on insisting that it was okay that she didn't go to class but ughhhhh. i just felt bad. im so irresponsible! all my flaws are getting the best of me right now. this is why i'm not comfortable in just relaxing and doing nothing coz i know somehow there's something i should be doing and not. i have to write everything down! sometimes i even forget that. it's ridiculous. i want to go swimming. but it's cold. i wore flipflops today thinking the weather will eventually warm up like it normally does..uhyyeaah it's 930am and by now its usually warm but it's still like 40 degrees & my toes are going to fall off.
idk, lately, when i'm not around family or friends i'm bitchy. i just find myself without them, in the worst mooods ever. why? i can't explain. i'm usually happy even if i'm just by myself. i'm used to it. but now, it's like. when i'm bymyself i'm trapped with negative emotions as company. maybe that's why i spend a lot of time studying, coz i lose focus on myself. and no it's not my period. coz i had that like 2 weeks ago.
i kinda feel like a cliche. screaming in a crowded room at the top of my lungs & no one hears me. invisible.
time i will keep telling myself, just need time. it's always time. time to move on, time to change, time to live, time to sleep. time time time time time. stay up. so i was watching The Guardian last night, real inspiring movie. loved it too. Ashton Kutcher doesn't hurt either ;) hahaha. :)
i need to buy a new sketchpad & pencils..
money. i hate money. i need a job coz i hate relying on family for stuff. they say it's nothign to them but it would be alot to me if i could pay for my own gas & food at least. frustration. boils and toils inside of me.
maybe i'll go to church tomorrow. get fresh. yeahh. love the man up there..
faith. i think that's what i'm missing a lot of.
hmm.
aright i'm out. gona write a pysch paper. pysch assignments off the chiizzzaaain. lol. good subject though, i like the class.
peeace out.
love; lex
i hate feeling stupid. and naive. and ignorant. i just hate not knowing things i should. frustratingg..but it's okay i'll just keep trying. i mean i can't do anything about it now.
i hate losing track of time & forgetting dates. forgetting things. i'm too young to forget things! like yesterday i forgot an assignment at home, so after i finished my exam i went straight home to get my paper to drop it off at my prof's office. halfway back to school i realized i left my cell phone & yeah it's a superficial matter but i went back & got it anyway coz i have mad family here and i don't want them to worrying about me if they can't reach me, especially my lola coz she gets real worried. so after forgetting two things i arrive at school and forgot again that the 10th st. parking garage is full by like 9..and i got there at like 930 ish. i had a class that started at 9..eventually i found parking at a different street garage .. all the way on the roof. made it to the last 20 minutes of class. i felt bad coz my friend was with me the whole entire time but she kept on insisting that it was okay that she didn't go to class but ughhhhh. i just felt bad. im so irresponsible! all my flaws are getting the best of me right now. this is why i'm not comfortable in just relaxing and doing nothing coz i know somehow there's something i should be doing and not. i have to write everything down! sometimes i even forget that. it's ridiculous. i want to go swimming. but it's cold. i wore flipflops today thinking the weather will eventually warm up like it normally does..uhyyeaah it's 930am and by now its usually warm but it's still like 40 degrees & my toes are going to fall off.
idk, lately, when i'm not around family or friends i'm bitchy. i just find myself without them, in the worst mooods ever. why? i can't explain. i'm usually happy even if i'm just by myself. i'm used to it. but now, it's like. when i'm bymyself i'm trapped with negative emotions as company. maybe that's why i spend a lot of time studying, coz i lose focus on myself. and no it's not my period. coz i had that like 2 weeks ago.
i kinda feel like a cliche. screaming in a crowded room at the top of my lungs & no one hears me. invisible.
time i will keep telling myself, just need time. it's always time. time to move on, time to change, time to live, time to sleep. time time time time time. stay up. so i was watching The Guardian last night, real inspiring movie. loved it too. Ashton Kutcher doesn't hurt either ;) hahaha. :)
i need to buy a new sketchpad & pencils..
money. i hate money. i need a job coz i hate relying on family for stuff. they say it's nothign to them but it would be alot to me if i could pay for my own gas & food at least. frustration. boils and toils inside of me.
maybe i'll go to church tomorrow. get fresh. yeahh. love the man up there..
faith. i think that's what i'm missing a lot of.
hmm.
aright i'm out. gona write a pysch paper. pysch assignments off the chiizzzaaain. lol. good subject though, i like the class.
peeace out.
love; lex