Confusion
well last night i got a valentines day msg from gemma. The only one who sent me anything, it was really nice the only problem with it is she has her new boyfriend and she still sends me a message on the day that ur supose to send messages of love to the ones that you love and want to be with, Whats the problem with that well she doesnt want to be with me. She confuses me so much i dont know wether im coming or going anymore. She sais all these things about her new boyfriend and shit about how he doesnt compare to me and what he does and doesnt do for her and things like that and she wanted out but she is to scared to break up with him because shes scared about what her friends will think. I think that its a bit stupid if friends dont understand that she doesnt want to be with someone she doesnt have to be they arnt going to stop beeing friends with her because shes not going out with someone. It makes me think if i got all my friends to ring her up and tell her how much i love her and crap would she have stayed with me. I think gemma's problem is that she expects to much from ppl and always wants what she cant have. like with me she wanted freedom so thats y she broke up with me ( or so she sais ) then she goes out with her new boy friend like 2 weeks later and she has her freedom with her but then she wants a the boyfriend that loves her and cherrishes her like i did. the problem is u cant find what u want with everyone and there are a few things that have to sacrafise and she has the choice does she want the person that loves her and cherrishes her and who would do anything for her, orwould she rather have the freedom and the boy friend thats half hearted. gemma also told me last night another reason she just thought that we are not right for each other is because i said in the future if we got married i would want to live near the city and everything but she wants to live out in the contry with her horse, pretty pathetic reason if u ask me because we are only young but the real thing that pisses me off about that is she broke up with me because she wanted her freedom and she didnt feel like settleing down with someone just yet but yet she uses a house that we are going to live in if we got married ( isnt that settleing down) as an excuse. My problem is im to kind and i love her to much, my counsler asked me yesterday y do i love her so much and i said i donno because i do its just a feeling inside. i cant explain it anymore i just feel alone and lost with out her. i miss her smile and the laughs we use to have together now they are all gone and lost. i like hearing her voice when she calls me but sometimes it makes me so up set that she has moved on event though she sais shes not over me, shes lieing she is because shes going out with someone else, she doesnt want me back she just wants to be friends with me so how is that not beeing over me. i just dont understand y couldnt it all be easier, y does it have to be so hard. Y gemma did u have to leave me for him, Y do u play these little mind games to make me think that you still love me and want me , y do u still miss me when ur the one that threw me away, y do u think about me but not want me , y do u compare me to ur boyfriend that gives u what i didnt but most of all y did u have to stop loving me. U call me to help u with ur problems when ur sad. i looked after u the best way i could but that was still never good enough, y do u want everything ur way y does it always have to be about u, this may anger u but just sit there and think for awhile y do i always have to be the one thats sad y do i have to give up things to get u to even think about beeing with me, i gave up someone to get back with u and for 2 weeks it was good then it changed for u again once u had me u wanted something else. Everything i have ever done for u , u have thrown back in my face to u im junk that u throw in a closet for a while then u get it back out when u need it, its like a fashon thing u put something away and in a few years later u can wear it agian because its in fashon. u think that u will be alone for the rest of ur life but how can u expect ppl to give it to u everyway u want it and they have to miss out for u, Gemma u'll never find a person like me again a person that stuck through think and thin with u that loved u more than life its self and someone who would do anything for u, ppl like that are extreamly hard to find u found one and threw it away like junk yet he still wants u and still loves u.