{ intro le douchefin ♒ warning for shitty text }

[highbloodprince]

so this BREWW takes the congealin consciousness of the dead and brings em back to life like wwere outta some kind a shitty glowwin rainboww drinker literature or somesuch

Comments

[text]

[dungenessmaster]

[there's a long moment before the reply comes in. Terezi told him some of the trolls were going to die, Tavros and Kanaya specifically, but he didn't know about Eridan. and, of course, Karkat doesn't know the full story.

but enough about that, time to get this idiot up to speed like the leader he is!]

OH FUCK. WELL OK, THE MAIN THING IS YOU'RE ALIVE NOW, AND ALL TWELVE OF US ARE HERE, EVEN THOUGH WE'RE ALL FROM DIFFERENT POINTS ON THE TIMELINE. EXPECT ARADIA TO TROLL YOU ABOUT THAT SOON, IF SHE HASN'T ALREADY. SHE'S SO ANNOYING ABOUT KEEPING OUR WEIRD TIME-RELATED CONTAMINATION TO OURSELVES, AND I'M LIKE, WHAT THE GASPING FRILLED FUCK DOES IT EVEN MATTER? NOBODY REMEMBERS THIS PLACE WHEN THEY LEAVE IT, AND APPARENTLY SOME DON'T EVEN REMEMBER IT WHEN THEY COME BACK!

LONG STORY SHORT, YOU GOT HERE THE SAME DAY I DID, ABOUT TWO MONTHS AGO. YOU WERE A MEISTER, I'M NOT SURE IF THAT'S CHANGED THOUGH.

[he pauses. no, if he doesn't remember being partnered with Kerrigan, Karkat's going to let them sort it out. maybe they won't hit it off again. maybe Eridan's a weapon now and they can't partner up.]

OH, AND THE FOUR HUMAN KIDS ARE HERE TOO.

I GUESS THAT'S ABOUT IT. YOU WERE TYPICALLY DOUCHEY TO PEOPLE AROUND HERE AND A LOT OF THEM HATE YOU, BUT DON'T GET TOO EXCITED. IT'S ALL PRETTY MUCH PLATONIC.

[text]

[highbloodprince]

fuck kar
so im the only one wwhos dead
at least tell me fef is too
wwhat about the cripple
pretty sure he wwas dead by the time i fell ovverboard if you catch my nautical drift
anywway wway to be settin me straight you wwere alwways real good at that
some lot a good it does me noww to be listenin to you
but i guess i appreciate your not givvin up on me here evven if i up and went all evvanescence on you in a literal wway like you say i did

[text]

[dungenessmaster]

[WAIT WHAT X2 COMBO

What the fuck is happening in the future, exactly?]

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY FEF? YOU'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT FEFERI, ARE YOU? WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU WANT HER DEAD, YOU'VE ONLY BEEN FOLLOWING HER AROUND LIKE A LONELY IMMATURE BARKBEAST SINCE FOREVER.

[text - filtered]

[highbloodprince]

[Wait shit if it's gonna be gossip hour he may as well filter this shit.]

its a long story kar
you already fuckin heard it
er
saww it
in the vveil things wwould be easier that wway
but maybe its better that you havvent seen uh
theres gonna be a lot a unclear stuff and you might end up hatin me after this
and by hate i dont mean the wway id prefer
im gonna be honest wwith you kar
evven if its kind of wwhat i alwways wwanted in all the wwrong wways
heinous vvile fuckin wways
you knoww im all about that vvillainous shit
guess im just sayin its fucked up cause evven though you knoww howw fucked up i can get its wworse than evverythin else wwevve evver talked about
and im fuckin proud of it
i took somethin pure and precious and all innocent charm and hopeful fuckin naivete and i fuckin squashed it
you wwouldnt understand kar
i got my dream of genocide
i evven offed some bitch wwho wwronged me in the past wwho i could no longer stand the fuckin sight of
she hurt me i hurt her
thats howw it fuckin wworks read some of our glorious history for fucks sake instead of wwastin your time on wwhatevver shitty so-called "romance" films you get your grubbin digits on
fuck im derivvin from the point
nevvermind my digressing got it

[text - filtered]

[dungenessmaster]

[it's like he can feel the saliva going sour in his mouth as he reads this rambling missive. is this seriously the same Eridan he gossiped with all those sweeps?

what the fuck is going to HAPPEN to them?]

ERIDAN.

HOLY FUCK.

GET A FUCKING GRIP, I'M SERIOUS. DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW COMPLETELY SHITHIVE YOU SOUND RIGHT NOW? STOP FLAPPING YOUR GILLS AND TELL ME WHAT JUST FUCKING HAPPENED. FROM YOUR PERSPECTIVE.

[text - filtered]

[highbloodprince]

i killed fef kar
it wwas all escalation i mean id been thinkin about it for a wwhile
nevver said anythin to anyone else and i gavve her a chance i swwear i did
but wwhen she came at me i kneww wwhat i wwas going to do and evven though im dead noww im glad as fuck i did
poetic fuckin justice
kan too
cept kans fuckin BATSHIT and came back as a glowwin rainbow drinker and sawwed me in half wwhile wwearin my owwn cape
wwhich i no longer havve by the wway
ruined a perfectly good piece a troll fashion
youd think shed be sympathetic to my plight she likes fashion right
but fuck all if it matters noww
shes terrifyin kar
seriously you dont wwant to piss this troll off
scariest shit ivve seen in my life
savve gl'bgolyb but i figure she goes wwithout sayin
uh
yeah ramblin more
anywway i killed fef and kan and destroyed the matriorb after sol and i had our rematch
i wwon
then continued to keep on wwinnin against the others except for you cause you used your common fuckin sense and recognized hopeless unbeatable powwer wwhen you fuckin see it unlike the rest a these assholes
wwhat i meant earlier wwhen i said you saww it
i mean you wwatched the wwhole thing so i figure its somethin to look forwward to

[It was probably stupid to say this shit to Karkat, but Eridan just wanted to get it off his chest. This Karkat was how he used to be, open to listening to his drama and woes and how they were before, only the shit Eridan's dealing with this time is a little more serious than the whining over FLARP and girls he did before.]

[video - filtered]

[dungenessmaster]

[there's a very, very long delay before Eridan gets a sudden video feed. Karkat's always going to be too angry to pull off a totally blank face, but his voice is tight and he's sort of... weirdly controlled. the only thing he can't seem to keep steady is that spazzy little muscle making his eye twitch.]

You're going to kill Kanaya. And Feferi. And Sollux. And then Kanaya's boring crappy books become a real thing and she kills you back. Is that what you're telling me?

[text → video - filtered]

[highbloodprince]

no
fuckin mustardblood survvivved

[And the video feed switches on from Eridan's side too, just for the sake of communication. Do you hate me yet, Kar? Despite his insistence of his pride, Eridan's expressed is a mask. His insecurities are threatening to creep up because he's afraid of the rejection Karkat is going to throw at him even though he knew he would after opening up like that. Stupid, stupid, stupid. So instead of hoping Karkat might understand - because wow did he ever really think that? No, no, he didn't - he resolves himself to facing the brunt of Karkat's wrath. What else did he want to get out of this situation?]

Other than that, yeah, that's what I'm tellin' you. No one came to save me from her, either. Fuckin' murderous psycho on a rampage and no one does shit.

[video - filtered]

[dungenessmaster]

[and then Karkat just kinda goes plooey. he might have held it together, but. his best friend and his moirail, Eridan. you got nothing on those two.]

YOU HAVE A GUN IN THE VEIL, YOU FUCKING CLUELESS GENETIC REJECT! YOU HAVE A TOP-TIER RIFLE AND SHE HAS A GODDAMN TUBE OF LIPSTICK! OF COURSE NO ONE FUCKING SAVED YOU, THERE WAS NEVER ANY QUESTION OF THE OUTCOME! WHAT THE GOD DAMN GRUBSTAINED SACK OF SHIT IS WRONG WITH YOU, WHAT WERE YOU EVEN THINKING, WE'RE THE LAST OF OUR FUCKING SPECIES WITH ONE CHANCE TO AVOID EXTINCTION AND YOU'RE TREATING IT LIKE A HUNTING EXPEDITION?!

[video - filtered]

[highbloodprince]

[Cue Eridan's next grievous case of missing the point.]

It wasn't my gun. She made me a brand spankin' new white science wand, it was the best piece a work I've ever handled, but shit if I knew how she did it. And it's not only that, you shoulda seen her, she was possessed by luminescent undead spirits of somethin', all terrible and sent on a mission a violence from some otherworldly godbein's come just to stir shit up.

[video - filtered] 1/2

[dungenessmaster]

[oh man, this face so hard.]

[video - filtered] 2/2

[dungenessmaster]

Oh! Okay! So she made you something you've only wanted for fucking ever, and then you used it to kill her and some other people! Fantastic, thanks for clearing up that little misunderstanding, I would've hated not to have all the facts before I called you a BULGEHUFFING WASTE OF CHITIN!

[video - filtered]

[highbloodprince]

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I WENT THROUGH all alone on that fuckin' planet, Kar! I knew you wouldn't understand, you never do, I was just grateful you listened to me; no matter how many times you insulted me you were still there, it wasn't like I was alone. Those were the good ol' fuckin' days, long gone now. You up and abandoned me, Kar, all a you did, so don't give me any bullshit that any a this is MY fault! You think I've got some bull sense a loyalty to any a you when you all left me by myself and didn't up and help me any when I asked for it. I don't owe you nothing!

[video - filtered]

[dungenessmaster]

When didn't I help you? We were like... I don't know, you sucked rotted seedflap most of the time, but we still had each other's backs! Is this about the Land of Wrath and Angels? Because you know what, fuck you for that, it wasn't anyone's fault but your own no one wanted to go there with you taking potshots at angels and pissing them off to the point where they'd go after anything grey!