♋ 5th stage: ATTN: NEW TROLL ARRIVALS IN THE CITY. [open]
((OOC: ICly, Karkat hates the interruptions from non-Alternians, but everyone is welcome to post into this and get yelled at. For those of you boggling at the troll text, let us know and we'll be happy to drop it for you!
The cut is done OOCly for your convenience; this got kinda huge.))
ALL RIGHT, ASSHOLES. AGAINST ALL MY BETTER JUDGMENT I'M GOING TO LEAVE THIS MEMO OPEN. I'M ONLY DOING THIS SO I CAN GET ANY NEW TROLLS IN THE CITY IN ONE PLACE SO WE CAN GET AND STAY ORGANIZED, SO ANYONE WHO THINKS IT'D BE CUTE TO BARGE IN AND FLAIL AROUND LIKE A HALF-CRUSHED MAGGOT UNABLE TO ESCAPE THE FLATTENED REMAINS OF ITS OWN SOON-TO-BE-CORPSE CAN JUST FUCK RIGHT OFF. SHORT VERSION? IF YOU'RE NOT FROM ALTERNIA, DO NOT RESPOND TO THIS! YOU THINK IT'D BE OBVIOUS ENOUGH, BUT HOLY SHIT, THE LAST TIME I DID ONE OF THESE IT REALLY OPENED THE FUCKING FLOODGATES. UNWANTED GUESTS ALL OVER THE PLACE, TYPING COMPLETE IDIOCY AND CLUTTERING THE WORKS. TRUST ME, THE IDIOTS I ALREADY HAVE TO DEAL WITH ARE MORE THAN CAPABLE OF DOING THAT THEMSELVES, SO GTFO AND STAY THAT WAY!
GOD DAMN.
OKAY, THE MAIN THING IS, WE'RE STUCK HERE. IT'S A WEIRD VERSION OF THE HUMAN PLANET EARTH THAT MAKES EVEN LESS SENSE THAN THE ONE WE WERE TROLLING, AND RIGHT NOW THERE'S NO WAY OFF IT, SO GET USED TO IT. UNLESS YOU WERE ALL COMPLETELY PANTS-SHITTINGLY RETARDED, YOU THOUGHT TO ASK ONE OF THE PEOPLE AT THE END OF THE TOUR TO DO THEIR DUMB SPARKLY SOUL-SEARCHY THING AND THEN THEY SAID IF YOU WERE A WEAPON OR A MEISTER. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU TURN INTO A WEAPON OR YOU WIELD ONE. IF YOU DIDN'T DO THIS ALREADY, THEN GOOD JOB, YOU HAVE ROUGHLY THE I.Q. OF A MUSCLEBEAST AND ARE PROBABLY OUTWITTED BY YOUR OWN CLOTHES ON A REGULAR BASIS.
IF I JUST DESCRIBED YOUR PATHETIC EXISTENCE, MAKE A VIDEO POST ON THE NETWORK AND ASK WHAT YOU ARE. SOMEONE WILL JUMP AT THE CHANCE TO BE HELPFUL, TRUST ME ON THIS ONE. HUMANS ARE WEIRD. THE COMMUNICATORS HERE ARE PRETTY BASIC, IF YOU NEED ME TO HELP YOU WITH THAT I SWEAR I'M GOING TO BUILD A LARGE FUCKING PILE OF TERRIBLE THINGS, CLIMB ON TOP, AND THEN WEEP SOFTLY INTO IT.
FIVE OF US HAVE BEEN HERE FOR JUST UNDER THREE WEEKS NOW -- ME, AT, GA, AG, AND CA. GA, AG AND I ALREADY HAVE WEAPON/PARTNER RELATIONSHIPS WITH ALIENS HERE, BUT AT AND CA ARE BOTH MEISTERS AND AS FAR AS I KNOW, THEY'RE STILL FREE ACTUALLY, IT LOOKS LIKE ERIDAN JUST FOUND A PARTNER, SO THAT JUST LEAVES AT.
ON TOP OF THAT, CC AT LEAST HAS JUST ARRIVED AND IS AN UNATTACHED MEISTER. IF THERE ARE ANY MORE OF YOU IDIOTS OUT THERE, REPORT IN HERE AND LET ME KNOW IF YOU'RE A MEISTER OR WEAPON. WE'VE GOT TO GET SETTLED IN QUICKLY AND THEN SET UP MORE THAN A HANDFUL OF PARTNERSHIPS ALREADY. THERE'S A WAR GOING ON, AND APPARENTLY THE OPPONENTS WILL BE PRETTY NASTY WHEN THEY SHOW UP.
EDIT: AC AND CT ARE HERE TOO. AC IS A WEAPON OF SOME KIND, WILL ADD CT TO THE TALLY ONCE HE STOPS BEING SWEATY AND AWFUL AND POSTS HERE. ACTUALLY, HE'S NOT CAPABLE OF THAT, SO JUST WHENEVER HE POSTS I GUESS THE HOOFBEAST'S ASS IS IN, AND HE'S A MEISTER.
EDIT 2: TC HAS REPORTED IN, USELESS AS EVER. GOD I HATE THAT GUY. SOMEONE GO KICK HIM DOWN SOME STAIRS FOR ME, AND I ACTUALLY MEAN THAT. EITHER HE'LL TURN INTO A WEAPON, OR YOU GET THE SATISFACTION OF KICKING A CLOWN DOWN THE STAIRS. THERE IS LITERALLY NO DOWNSIDE TO THIS.
EDIT 3: TA AND AA ARE NOW ACCOUNTED FOR. AA IS A MEISTER, TA HASN'T GOTTEN BACK TO ME YET. OKAY SCRATCH THAT, IT LOOKS LIKE TA'S A MEISTER. IT'S FUCKING WEIRD, WE GOT A LOT OF MEISTERS IN OUR GROUP.
EDIT 4: SO I GUESS THAT JUST LEAVES GC. ANYONE SEEN HER? GC IS IN, AND SHE'S A MEISTER. HOLY SHIT WHAT IS IT WITH TROLLS BEING MEISTERS, I MEAN, FUCKING SERIOUSLY? ANYWAY, I GUESS THAT MAKES ALL OF US, SO SETTLE IN AND GO LOOK FOR PARTNERS ALREADY IF YOU DON'T HAVE ONE. IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE ANOTHER TROLL. NONE OF US PARTNERED WITH TROLLS, BECAUSE DEEP DOWN WE ALL KNOW HOW MUCH YOU GUYS SUCK.
OK SO THE FINAL TALLY IS:
AA - MEISTER, UNPARTNERED
AT - MEISTER, UNPARTNERED
TA - MEISTER?, UNPARTNERED
YOUR AWESOME LEADER - TOTALLY PARTNERED, AND SHE'S A FUCKING BADASS
AC - WEAPON, UNPARTNERED
GA - WEAPON, PARTNERED (SHINJIRO)
GC - MEISTER, UNPARTNERED
AG - MEISTER, PARTNERED (WHO THE HELL AGREED TO THIS, ARE YOU INSANE)
CT - MEISTER, UNPARTNERED
TC - WEAPON, UNPARTNERED AND LIKELY TO STAY THAT WAY
CA - MEISTER, PARTNERED (KERRIGAN)
CC - MEISTER, UNPARTNERED
NOT MUCH ELSE TO SAY ON THE MATTER. THIS PLACE IS CRAZY AND RUNS ON A DIURNAL SCHEDULE. TRY NOT TO THINK TOO HARD ABOUT THE SUN AND SINGLE MOON. THERE'S BATTLE TRAINING AT 6 AM AND CLASSES AT 10 AM. YOU SHOULD ALREADY HAVE BEEN ASSIGNED A HIVE IN ONE OF THE COMMUNAL STEMS. MOST THINGS ARE FREE WITHIN REASON, LIKE FOOD AND CLOTHES, BUT IF YOU WANT EXTRA MONEY, PUT UP A POST LOOKING FOR WORK OR SOMETHING. THERE'S ALWAYS POSITIONS OPEN WITH THE WATCH, OR PEOPLE WHO NEED SHIT DONE, OR WHATEVER. I'M NOT HOLDING YOUR GREASY HANDS ON THAT ONE.
OH, AND MR. H. WANTED ME TO POINT OUT THAT NORTHERN LIGHTS IS LOOKING FOR WAIT STAFF AND BARTENDERS AND SHIT. I'M NOT JUST POSTING THAT FOR THE TROLLS, EITHER. SINCE APPARENTLY YOU LUMPSQUIRTS DON'T KNOW WHEN TO KEEP THE FUCK OUT OF CLOSED MEMOS, YOU MIGHT AS WELL SIT DOWN AND LEARN SOMETHING TOO.
ANY QUESTIONS?
The cut is done OOCly for your convenience; this got kinda huge.))
ALL RIGHT, ASSHOLES. AGAINST ALL MY BETTER JUDGMENT I'M GOING TO LEAVE THIS MEMO OPEN. I'M ONLY DOING THIS SO I CAN GET ANY NEW TROLLS IN THE CITY IN ONE PLACE SO WE CAN GET AND STAY ORGANIZED, SO ANYONE WHO THINKS IT'D BE CUTE TO BARGE IN AND FLAIL AROUND LIKE A HALF-CRUSHED MAGGOT UNABLE TO ESCAPE THE FLATTENED REMAINS OF ITS OWN SOON-TO-BE-CORPSE CAN JUST FUCK RIGHT OFF. SHORT VERSION? IF YOU'RE NOT FROM ALTERNIA, DO NOT RESPOND TO THIS! YOU THINK IT'D BE OBVIOUS ENOUGH, BUT HOLY SHIT, THE LAST TIME I DID ONE OF THESE IT REALLY OPENED THE FUCKING FLOODGATES. UNWANTED GUESTS ALL OVER THE PLACE, TYPING COMPLETE IDIOCY AND CLUTTERING THE WORKS. TRUST ME, THE IDIOTS I ALREADY HAVE TO DEAL WITH ARE MORE THAN CAPABLE OF DOING THAT THEMSELVES, SO GTFO AND STAY THAT WAY!
GOD DAMN.
OKAY, THE MAIN THING IS, WE'RE STUCK HERE. IT'S A WEIRD VERSION OF THE HUMAN PLANET EARTH THAT MAKES EVEN LESS SENSE THAN THE ONE WE WERE TROLLING, AND RIGHT NOW THERE'S NO WAY OFF IT, SO GET USED TO IT. UNLESS YOU WERE ALL COMPLETELY PANTS-SHITTINGLY RETARDED, YOU THOUGHT TO ASK ONE OF THE PEOPLE AT THE END OF THE TOUR TO DO THEIR DUMB SPARKLY SOUL-SEARCHY THING AND THEN THEY SAID IF YOU WERE A WEAPON OR A MEISTER. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU TURN INTO A WEAPON OR YOU WIELD ONE. IF YOU DIDN'T DO THIS ALREADY, THEN GOOD JOB, YOU HAVE ROUGHLY THE I.Q. OF A MUSCLEBEAST AND ARE PROBABLY OUTWITTED BY YOUR OWN CLOTHES ON A REGULAR BASIS.
IF I JUST DESCRIBED YOUR PATHETIC EXISTENCE, MAKE A VIDEO POST ON THE NETWORK AND ASK WHAT YOU ARE. SOMEONE WILL JUMP AT THE CHANCE TO BE HELPFUL, TRUST ME ON THIS ONE. HUMANS ARE WEIRD. THE COMMUNICATORS HERE ARE PRETTY BASIC, IF YOU NEED ME TO HELP YOU WITH THAT I SWEAR I'M GOING TO BUILD A LARGE FUCKING PILE OF TERRIBLE THINGS, CLIMB ON TOP, AND THEN WEEP SOFTLY INTO IT.
FIVE OF US HAVE BEEN HERE FOR JUST UNDER THREE WEEKS NOW -- ME, AT, GA, AG, AND CA. GA, AG AND I ALREADY HAVE WEAPON/PARTNER RELATIONSHIPS WITH ALIENS HERE, BUT AT AND CA ARE BOTH MEISTERS AND AS FAR AS I KNOW, THEY'RE STILL FREE ACTUALLY, IT LOOKS LIKE ERIDAN JUST FOUND A PARTNER, SO THAT JUST LEAVES AT.
ON TOP OF THAT, CC AT LEAST HAS JUST ARRIVED AND IS AN UNATTACHED MEISTER. IF THERE ARE ANY MORE OF YOU IDIOTS OUT THERE, REPORT IN HERE AND LET ME KNOW IF YOU'RE A MEISTER OR WEAPON. WE'VE GOT TO GET SETTLED IN QUICKLY AND THEN SET UP MORE THAN A HANDFUL OF PARTNERSHIPS ALREADY. THERE'S A WAR GOING ON, AND APPARENTLY THE OPPONENTS WILL BE PRETTY NASTY WHEN THEY SHOW UP.
EDIT: AC AND CT ARE HERE TOO. AC IS A WEAPON OF SOME KIND, WILL ADD CT TO THE TALLY ONCE HE STOPS BEING SWEATY AND AWFUL AND POSTS HERE. ACTUALLY, HE'S NOT CAPABLE OF THAT, SO JUST WHENEVER HE POSTS I GUESS THE HOOFBEAST'S ASS IS IN, AND HE'S A MEISTER.
EDIT 2: TC HAS REPORTED IN, USELESS AS EVER. GOD I HATE THAT GUY. SOMEONE GO KICK HIM DOWN SOME STAIRS FOR ME, AND I ACTUALLY MEAN THAT. EITHER HE'LL TURN INTO A WEAPON, OR YOU GET THE SATISFACTION OF KICKING A CLOWN DOWN THE STAIRS. THERE IS LITERALLY NO DOWNSIDE TO THIS.
EDIT 3: TA AND AA ARE NOW ACCOUNTED FOR. AA IS A MEISTER, TA HASN'T GOTTEN BACK TO ME YET. OKAY SCRATCH THAT, IT LOOKS LIKE TA'S A MEISTER. IT'S FUCKING WEIRD, WE GOT A LOT OF MEISTERS IN OUR GROUP.
EDIT 4: SO I GUESS THAT JUST LEAVES GC. ANYONE SEEN HER? GC IS IN, AND SHE'S A MEISTER. HOLY SHIT WHAT IS IT WITH TROLLS BEING MEISTERS, I MEAN, FUCKING SERIOUSLY? ANYWAY, I GUESS THAT MAKES ALL OF US, SO SETTLE IN AND GO LOOK FOR PARTNERS ALREADY IF YOU DON'T HAVE ONE. IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE ANOTHER TROLL. NONE OF US PARTNERED WITH TROLLS, BECAUSE DEEP DOWN WE ALL KNOW HOW MUCH YOU GUYS SUCK.
OK SO THE FINAL TALLY IS:
AA - MEISTER, UNPARTNERED
AT - MEISTER, UNPARTNERED
TA - MEISTER?, UNPARTNERED
YOUR AWESOME LEADER - TOTALLY PARTNERED, AND SHE'S A FUCKING BADASS
AC - WEAPON, UNPARTNERED
GA - WEAPON, PARTNERED (SHINJIRO)
GC - MEISTER, UNPARTNERED
AG - MEISTER, PARTNERED (WHO THE HELL AGREED TO THIS, ARE YOU INSANE)
CT - MEISTER, UNPARTNERED
TC - WEAPON, UNPARTNERED AND LIKELY TO STAY THAT WAY
CA - MEISTER, PARTNERED (KERRIGAN)
CC - MEISTER, UNPARTNERED
NOT MUCH ELSE TO SAY ON THE MATTER. THIS PLACE IS CRAZY AND RUNS ON A DIURNAL SCHEDULE. TRY NOT TO THINK TOO HARD ABOUT THE SUN AND SINGLE MOON. THERE'S BATTLE TRAINING AT 6 AM AND CLASSES AT 10 AM. YOU SHOULD ALREADY HAVE BEEN ASSIGNED A HIVE IN ONE OF THE COMMUNAL STEMS. MOST THINGS ARE FREE WITHIN REASON, LIKE FOOD AND CLOTHES, BUT IF YOU WANT EXTRA MONEY, PUT UP A POST LOOKING FOR WORK OR SOMETHING. THERE'S ALWAYS POSITIONS OPEN WITH THE WATCH, OR PEOPLE WHO NEED SHIT DONE, OR WHATEVER. I'M NOT HOLDING YOUR GREASY HANDS ON THAT ONE.
OH, AND MR. H. WANTED ME TO POINT OUT THAT NORTHERN LIGHTS IS LOOKING FOR WAIT STAFF AND BARTENDERS AND SHIT. I'M NOT JUST POSTING THAT FOR THE TROLLS, EITHER. SINCE APPARENTLY YOU LUMPSQUIRTS DON'T KNOW WHEN TO KEEP THE FUCK OUT OF CLOSED MEMOS, YOU MIGHT AS WELL SIT DOWN AND LEARN SOMETHING TOO.
ANY QUESTIONS?