Feeling frustrated
I've been feeling quite upset and frustrated... i feel at times i'm not adult enough or mature enough in my thinking and as a result i feel a little left behind.. i dont even read abt current affairs and am so duh on politics..
When i went on my China trip i met some of the most intelligent people..when the topic moved to politics and travel i felt myself just listening and absorbing everything they had to say... yes true i may be well versed in other topics.. but i sure would have liked to be more engaging in their conversations.. But they were very nice not to leave me out. They kept asking me alot of questions...
What intrigued me most was how independent they all were.. they could just take off without a care in the world and go exploring the world. They say its impt as it builds your confidence and let's you see how each culture embraces u or does not embraces u.. I have to be a little more brave..You learn each step of the way.. makes u hardier..And they even mentioned this.. sometime in your late twenties and early thirties you are going to feel like you want to be left on your own.. you will feel like its enough of being close to parents.. it's time to throw yourself in the deep sea and test yourself how well you can swim..
Noor called me 'the brave one' a couple of weeks ago...She said that because she felt i've never been afraid to face my own fears.. and she's never met anyone who would just take that stab in the dark and see what happens.. i was very touched.. i never thought that of myself. I always felt like there was so much more i could be doing but am not doing it.. and i feel like my life is just a time bomb ticking away.. that's the most negative thought (mom hates me to say that).. after going thru a recent bad bout.. i feel like i better treasure my good days now.. not sure when things are going to take a horrible turn again..so am trying to pack my days as much as i can...
But it can get tiring...This is what frustrates me ... not enough energy! Maybe my machine is not built like others... i just have to make do with what i have.. but i sure want to make this the best life i've got..
When i went on my China trip i met some of the most intelligent people..when the topic moved to politics and travel i felt myself just listening and absorbing everything they had to say... yes true i may be well versed in other topics.. but i sure would have liked to be more engaging in their conversations.. But they were very nice not to leave me out. They kept asking me alot of questions...
What intrigued me most was how independent they all were.. they could just take off without a care in the world and go exploring the world. They say its impt as it builds your confidence and let's you see how each culture embraces u or does not embraces u.. I have to be a little more brave..You learn each step of the way.. makes u hardier..And they even mentioned this.. sometime in your late twenties and early thirties you are going to feel like you want to be left on your own.. you will feel like its enough of being close to parents.. it's time to throw yourself in the deep sea and test yourself how well you can swim..
Noor called me 'the brave one' a couple of weeks ago...She said that because she felt i've never been afraid to face my own fears.. and she's never met anyone who would just take that stab in the dark and see what happens.. i was very touched.. i never thought that of myself. I always felt like there was so much more i could be doing but am not doing it.. and i feel like my life is just a time bomb ticking away.. that's the most negative thought (mom hates me to say that).. after going thru a recent bad bout.. i feel like i better treasure my good days now.. not sure when things are going to take a horrible turn again..so am trying to pack my days as much as i can...
But it can get tiring...This is what frustrates me ... not enough energy! Maybe my machine is not built like others... i just have to make do with what i have.. but i sure want to make this the best life i've got..